[crick]

Just wondering if anyone else has a similar experience with the school system...

My kids are in 2nd, 1st, and kindergarten this year. (year round school system so have already started new school year) My 2nd grader's teacher sent home a letter stating that she does not allow sweet snacks, chips, candy etc. and advises we send only healthy snacks to school for the kids. Okay, got it. I understand and agree that ding dongs, candy, doritos etc. are not healthy snacks and while I allow junk food in my house at times, I don't wish them to have this as part of their daily diet.

However, I packed a granola bar for a snack and my son's teacher actually took it away and gave him graham crackers as she felt his snack was inappropriate and also told him to tell mommy, "you can't have this." Excuse me????

Besides the fact that I'm irritated she took away a snack that I, the parent, provided for him, she also put my son in a very uncomfortable position. My son did not enjoy passing along his teacher's message to me at all, and he should not have had to do that.

Does anyone else ever have situations like this where it seems like the school dictates their rules and we as the parents who should make the decisions regarding our children are not "allowed" to do so? I understand the need for rules etc. and I'm not disagreeing with that. I just don't understand where the school gets off on telling me what my child's diet should be. This isn't the only issue I have with the school, but it's a start for the thread.

So please, anyone, enlighten me on your experiences with the school system!

Thanks,
Crick

[jamie3]

She shouldn't be able to do that. I would have a conference with her and very, very politely tell your opinion and that you would appreciate it if she didn't take away snacks that you deem nutritional. Also explain how awkward it was for your son.

If you are not satisfied with the conference or it happens again, schedule a conference with the principal. It is very important to follow the chain of command with any grievance. Teachers are human sometimes lose sight of the important things in life.

And I don't think this is about the school system, but about one individual teacher at this point. I would really schedule a conference just be super sweet and very diplomatic and I bet you will be happy with the results.

[spaypets]

Frankly, I don't think that the teacher has the right to dictate in anyway shape or form what kind of snacks I as a parent send with my kid (and I'm a health food nut). The ONLY dictate I could see would be if there were children with something like peanut allergies who could react to the scent of the nuts. Then it's a safety issue.

It is NOT up to the teacher to raise my child or interfere in my parenting.

IMHO there is little difference between a granola bar and a graham cracker. For the teacher to take away the granola bar and substitute something else (what if your child had some sort of allergy she didn't know about?!) is inappropriate. She should have just sent a note home.

What I would do? Well, I'd calm down (which might take the whole weekend) and then make an appointment with the teacher to discuss her nutritional sense.

Quite honestly, if a teacher had the audacity to tell me what sorts of snacks I could send to school with my child, I probably would have sent a note back telling her to mind her own business. I can see strongly suggesting nutritious snacks, but I think it's out of line to dictate what is allowed. That's a parenting decision, not a teacher's decision.

The day the cafeteria stops serving things made with white flour and sugar is the day the school will have a say in what I pack for lunch.

No wonder people homeschool. If that happens in my school district, I'm running for school board.

[spitzlvr]

Oh man, if they did that to my son I would be Pi**ed!!!!!

In my opinion, she is waaayyyy out of line. She is not my son's mother. I would make an appointment with the teacher, and ask the principal to sit in. Then I would explain (politely) that she is my son's teacher, not his mother. It is his mother who packs his snacks, and thereby approves them. Personally, if I were told that my son could not have sweet snacks in the classroom, (and my son very rarely gets them - we do not keep them in the house) I would have made an issue right there. Because she is there to teach, not decide what my son can eat. If I want to give my son a ding-dong one day for a snack, it is not her place to comment or take it away.

I do believe if I were in your situation my DH would have to duct tape me to the couch to keep me off the ceiling.

Mary

[Volfe]

I have had similar troubles with the school.

Personally I would write a note stating your displeasure with the procedure the teacher used and the distress it caused your son. State that you would like to meet with her in person to discuss the situation.

Fact is, my daughter's school doesn't much like me now -- well the principal doesn't. But that's OK.

This school doesn't advise you on what snacks to pack or not. I could understand advising you to not send candy as that creates friction at snack time for other kids want it too... Unfortunately, my daughter's school allows the kids to run around with snacks in hand at recess which resulted in my daughter falling off a HIGH slide and my getting a frantic phone message... and arriving at school to see her head bandaged, on a gurney, being placed in an ambulance (can you picture the hysterics??!!).

The teachers were so wonderful and apologectic but the principal... well we don't get along now.

This last year I and many other parents of my daughter's classmates had major issues with the 2nd grade teacher. She was new and, frankly, a ditz. Many of us contacted the principal about our problems and concerns and were told that she hired her and thinks she's fine (basically blowing us off).

I work 90 miles from home and often have to write notes to school to communicate with them. The teacher wrote me once that she does not have time to write me b/c imagine that she has 30 students and the time it would take to write 30 parents?! I wrote back that this was only one parent.

But you are right, they have a holier than thou attitude so often.
I could go on about the principal. Thankfully this year will be the last one with that woman! This summer she walked away from me in the middle of my talking to her about where the summer camp people had gone (we'd missed the field trip bus).

The crazy thing about that snack rule of your teachers is that, as in our kids' school here, they often have class parties with candy... and I HATE it. I let my kids (one's a teen) eat junk food, but I try to limit it. And I don't want my little one having a sugar high at school. She's allready ADHD and hyper enough without it.

Grrrrrrr!

Maia

[crick]

thanks! Sounds awful to say it this way, but I'm glad I'm not the only one who deals with this! ha ha.

I thought maybe I was off base for being irritated and with this only being the 1st week of school, I'd hate to get the year started off on the wrong foot.

What really kills me is that she has these rules about the snacks but in another letter she says they have poetry recitations every Friday and if the child stands in front of the class and recites the poem, the child receives a licorice stick. No granola bars allowed but licorice is fine? I don't get it. I have no problem with the licorice, just don't understand her reasoning and where she gets off telling me what my kid can and cannot eat but feels free to feed him whatever she wants.

I think I'll send her an email (preferred communication unless you absolutely have to have a face to face meeting) and voice my concerns. I'll be nice, as other than this issue, I like her and her teaching style. Gonna have to wait a couple days though as I'm still irked.

This is just a new issue in a long line of things. The school has no problem dictating their rules etc. but never ask permission of the parents to do certain things,. I had to visit the principal last year after my 1st & 2nd grader came home very upset about seeing a diseased pig liver from alcohol damage and since they see me & hubby drink wine occasionally, they were freaked out. They were so worried that we were going to die and that we have black livers. My daughter even had nightmares about it. I told the principal this is something you send a letter home to get permission from the parents to have their children participate in. I was told "it's a district approved cirriculum" and I would need to talk to the superintendent. (i.e. don't come crying to me...)
Luckily there is a new principal this year and I've already informed the school in writing that my kids cannot participate in these "health" classes without my permission.

Overall, I like the school, it's just this one issue where they feel they can "parent" my children.

Crick

[spaypets]

I have a MAJOR problem with her rewarding kids with candy--sorry that's one of those things that's a contributing factor for obesity.

You know, the anti-alcohol curriculum could be seen as religious bias. I'm Jewish and wine is an important part of our faith's rituals. To freak out little kids (1st and 2nd grade!) about drinking wine is undermining my religious teachings. Kids this age don't understand shades of gray. You say alcohol is bad and they think it's ALL bad.

Hey, be very careful in your behavior. Sounds like this school is one where the kids get encouraged to rat out their parents.

You might want to start going to school board meetings. Heck, run for school board!

Back in the days when I was a reporter, I covered education. I thought parents who complained about the school trying to "parent" their kids were, frankly, wingnuts or religious zealots. But the more I hear about what's going on in some districts, the more concerned I get. I want to be partners with my kid's school, I want to be a united front with the teacher. I don't want to have to have my parenting decisions undermined any more than I expect teachers want me to undermine the teaching decisions.

[BethanyB]

Hi Crick, I'm a first grade teacher, and feel that you have every right to be upset with what happened at school with this snack issue. I would NEVER tell the parents of my students what to feed their children for snack. And I would never have a child relay such a message to the parent themselves. Cleary this should have been written in a note to you or through a phone call. Could it be that there was some kind of misunderstanding about the granola bar thing? It sounds so wierd! I would call her or email her and tell her what your son said. I would even say, "When my child told me this I knew there had to be some type of misunderstanding. I know you wouldn't take a granola bar away from a child and then hand them a grahm cracker! Ha Ha!" Sometimes I play it off like that when kids tell me inappropriate things their parents say. All in all, unless their is a school wide rule on this, I would let her know your concerns. One time I had the school nurse call a parent with concerns that the child only brought in junk food for both snack and lunch. All the child ate was pop-tarts and cookies. I wasn't sure if the child was packing her own lunch or what was going on. But it was a big health concern. And know that not all teachers are like that! Let us know what happens after you speak or write to the teacher!

[timhea]

Wow! My suggestion to those who think that life is easy for teachers and that time is there to write 30 notes a day, etc., go substitute.
Seriously.
You don't know what it's like unless you're in it.
The rules were probably there for a reason.
The candy rewards are motivators, not snacks, and they're once a week.
Go substitute in a classroom for two weeks and see if you don't start making rules that might seem "weird."
I'm not trying to be offensive, but as a teacher, I get tired of everybody's kid needing to do something "special" just because mom calls to complain.

[Happy123]

At my kid's school they also monitor snacks. But, due to the law that was recently passed in Cali the school can no longer even sell snow cones after school (PTA fundraiser). Junk food items can not be sold until after 1/2 hr after the last student leaves. It just seems like everything is monitored.

[spaypets]

Timhea,
When I was a kid we got gold stars as motivators. NO teacher should be handing out candy to children as a motivator. It's bad for their teeth, promotes obesity and ruins their appetite for dinner.

Children come to school with all kinds of dietary restrictions: health (diabetes, allergies); religious (kosher); moral/philosophical (vegetarianism). IMHO there is no reason for a teacher to use food as a motivator.

While I appreciate that a school wants to promote healthy snacks, what I feed my kid is a parenting decision and not subject to policing by teachers unless there is a danger (peanut allergy) to others in the classroom.

Often rules are made that don't really address the problem, for example, if the problem is trading snacks among students, then a no trade rule, rather than a no junk rule should be made.

Finally, if a teacher is sending home 30 notes a day, then clearly the teacher is doing something wrong.

[timhea]

Well, I guess it's a different side of the street. Teachers face different circumstances now, than the ones faced by your teachers.
The thirty notes a day was in reference to the woman whose teacher said she didn't have time to write her a note everyday. It's true. We don't.

[crick]

Timhea - I fully respect that it's not an easy job these days more than ever to be a teacher.

I have volunteered at the school many times and am horrified at the level of behavior some of the kids have. And to be in a position where you can't make a move without being told "I'm calling my lawyer" or whatever such threat, I can sympathize.

My point is just that the district and school rules do not always seem to be the same. And as far as the snack goes, I alone will decide what my kids eat. No one has the right to parent my child.

I do fully expect my child to follow the rules and the teacher should be able to act accordingly within the rules to enforce them. But a snack? No. I have a list of foods not allowed at the school: candy, gum, and a reference to "please make sure your child's snack does not consist of junk food on a daily basis". So for a teacher to remove my child's granola bar is out of line. And for the rules to state that I cannot send candy in their lunch (not that I would) but the teacher can give my child candy when they want to is a double standard, imo.

But, I agree...there are different sides of the street. This just happens to be my side, I guess

[spaypets]

I realize times are "different," but I fail to see how giving my kid candy or policing her snacks has anything to do with the break down of the family. It seems to me since times are different, a teacher has better things to do than decide if a granola bar is less healthy than a graham cracker.

I'm not so sure how different times are, actually. My class had kids who were getting beaten at home, kids whose parents drank themselves into stupors, kids who were so poor they lined their shoes with bread bags, kids who stank of urine, kids with learning disabilities and behavior problems (and they were _all_ mainstreamed, btw), foster kids, kids from broken homes, kids who were eventually moved out of their homes. And my teachers didn't see the need to give out candy as rewards or police our snacks.

[6boysrus]

Parental Authority seems to be a thing of the past.

Teachers get away with what you let them get away with. Document everything.. Write letters, make copies.

YOU Crick are the Parent, not the teacher, not the principal, not the School board, etc.. YOU have the intrinsic right and authority over your child. Dont you ever let anyone tell you any different.

What is taught in the home should be reinforced in the schools. Not the other way around.. At least not in my book. Parents are the primary educators of their children, everyone outside the home should contribute/reinforce that basic precept.
~Von

PS.. That's why you find so many of us leaving both public and private schools and teaching our children at home where they are in a good enviornment which we as parents can control.