[cj416]

How do you get a 12 yr old girl to realize she has to wash her hair and wash her slef with soap? My niece V moved in with us this weekend and she doesn't like to abthe, brush her teeth or brush her hair. I she were a boy I would understand a little more, but she's a girl they are supposed to want to look and feel pretty.
I just don't know what else to tell her. I tell her it's a health thing. Then I tell her to take pride in her appereance. I've told her lots of things with no results.....

[spfstr5]

I can only relay my experience -

What seems to be a tough battle at 12 - never wanting to wash hair, brush teeth, scrufty t-shirts etc. - became the opposite at 15. Now we can't get her out of the bathroom - she's always doing her hair, washing, preening, etc.

Now with my younger (10) we just lay down minimum rules - bathe every other or third day, must brush teeth twice a day, please use deoderant, wash under arms when necessary -knowing life will change and cleanliness will probably become more important to her as she gets older.

Funny, but I remember being young and a couple of times pretending to take a bath but not really doing it because I didn't feel dirty and didn't want to be bothered being cold and wet.

Now, I think there's nothing like a hot shower! Things do change with time.

Good luck.

[spaypets]

First off, not all girls are interested in looking and feeling pretty. In fact, some girls, embarassed by their changing bodies, want to do everything in their power to not look pretty.

So in the interest of raising a girl who values herself for more than her appearance, I recommend ditching that argument.

This isn't unusual with 12 year olds of both genders. They have't gotten used to the fact that they get dirty just by existing. Little kids can go a long time w/o washing their hair and it doesn't get greasy. Little kids don't smell if they play hard. So part of it is an adjustment.

You just have to tell her the house rules -- a daily bath or shower (let her pick out her own soap and shampoo). Make it part of the routine. You might have to hang over her, but eventually, she'll realize that her peers think she's yucky if she doesn't bathe.

[cj416]

I am sticking with the pride in your appereance. I tell her if she does not like herself other will not like her. I am not saying she need to think she is pretty, she just needs to feel good about herself.I am not asking her to take an hour shower. JUst wash hair, face and other parts. Her hair gets REALLY greasy. She is already getting pimples, so she really needs to keep her face clean. He has "developed" a little and I think that bothers her, because others in her grade have not.

[nancynic]

Hi,

I think you are on to something - she is developing and the other kids her age are not. She may be embarrassed about her body and so she doesn't want to bathe and take care of herself.

I'm wondering about books that are geared for teenage girls and their developing bodies. Does anyone know of a good one? 'Our Bodies, Ourselves' come to mind and it might have been updated recently.

Growing up isn't easy! I think it's important to find a time when our kids are receptive and then let them talk and really listen to what's going on for them.

Good luck, and keep us posted!

NancyNic

[Lindsie]

I think that a lot of kids that age go through a stage like that. I used to hate having to go and have a shower before bed because I used to miss part of my favourite TV show. Maybe set a particular time that is 1/2 an hour or so and in that time she must go and shower etc just like you would for homework etc. That way it won't coincide with a time that she may have planned to do something else.

[nancynic]

Hi,

Sounds like you've gotten some good ideas and may need to try several tactics! I like the idea of shopping for fun things to wash with (this doesn't have to be expensive), and also trying to find a good time for a nightly cleaning. Also, talking about how nice it feels to have a bath or shower might work. Sometimes a chart with what needs to be done, posted on the fridge, and including bathroom time might work. Of if the child wants to watch a certain TV program in the evening, making sure the shower gets done before the program is watched might work ... time to be creative!

Good luck!
Nancy