[HappyMomAnna]

Xanny Thank you for the teacher point of view.....This happened on Wednesday night and it is Friday and I have not approached the school at this point for exactly the reasons you outlined..... I really to do wish to be a co-oppertive member of the educational process with the school system. The older ones went through public school and I had none of these issues with them. It seems a lot has changed since the older ones were here a mere 14 years ago!

Happymom,

I agree that 5 is way to young to be chatting on the phone. Most of the time it would just consist of breathing anyway....or one way conversations!! Example: My dog id brown....reponse: I got new shoes!. Or something along those lines. My children never had to do that in kindergarden...I would be angry only because I would not want the whole class knowing our phone number!!

I also understand you not wanting the kids to answer the phone if your business is in the home. But I differ on letting them answer the phone. This is my home, my phone...they are a very important part of my home and family....They will be allowed to answer their phone....if someone that is calling MY house doesn't like it...then don't call. Obvisiouly they need to be taught phone manners and if they don't use them they can not answer the phone. But me worrying about the person that is calling MY HOME being irrititated at MY children answering MY phone...is like saying that the callers discomfort is more important then my children....NOT!!

[HappyMomAnna]

dpen6 There will come a time when I don't actually have a problem with the children answering the phone....not sure when but, I would like it to be at a time when they are able to speak clearly and respond to the caller properly. I will have to ask the older ones when they started answering incomeing calls?.....Thankfully the big kids are here this week for Spring Break!

And other people allowing their children to answer their phones has resulted in my Not calling as often truthfully.... I have called friends of mine and their child has answered the phone and 'went to get the parent' set the phone down and then I have spent 10-mins listening to things going on in their homes on an open phone line--Once I actually overheard a Fight between the parents and another time I had a friend angry with her husband about his flirting with ME!

My brother lets his children answer calls and you would not believe some of the things his kids have said to me.....'dad is in the living room alseep because he was kissing the neighbor late last night!'

[Xanny]

Dpen6 makes a good point. There were always parents who asked that their phone numbers not be placed on a class list. I even had one who wouldn't tell US her number! (which in my opinion is irresponsible, as the school needs to be able to get in touch in the event of an emergency.) I wonder if your daughter's teacher has any families like that and what she did in that case. Especially since it's not the kind of thing a 5-year-old can be expected to know.

Happymom,

Oh dear, you I guess you have had heard some things you didn't want to...LOL. But I still maintain that it is my house and if you don't want to hear my children then I guess thats the way it is!!

One of those things that different people think differntly....no right or wrong.....

[mommynicole]

Hi, I am new here and just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.

I have a 4 year old and 6 (almost 7) year old girls, we are discussing adopting a boy from the Philippines so that is why I am here.

But I saw this great discussion over the phone issue.
This is what we have set down for rules and I try to include independence to a point, they do help pick out thier own clothes to wear with my approval and they do have to be modest.
My daughter has one friend that she is allowed to call with permission and only to make play date arrangements. And we usually know that they will be calling each other becuase they discuss it at school and they tell the parents, us/other girls parents. Then we check with the other parents to make sure its ok and then we let them call each other. Luckily we have a good relationship with the other girls parents. I always call the parents first to make the call arrangements so no one is calling at dinner time or bed time. That works well for us. I like my daughter to call, and this is were I feel the independence comes in, so she does not have a fear of the phone. I was brought up very sheltered and I grew up to be fearful of things. I would not go to a store or restraunt by myself and I still dont like to call people on the phone except for close friends. I dont want my daughter to be 25 years old and afraid of things because I never let her do those things. It took my very social husband to bring me out of those things.
And my view on the ansering of the phone, we have caller id, so the only time she is aloud to answer is after I check and see who it is, and only if its a family member or her one friend is calling.
Just like when someone knocks on the door she is not aloud to answer it. You should see her yelling to me "mamal is at the door can I open it". One day I told her NO and she gave me a funny look and said "why not, I dont want her to be cold". She is so sweet.
So basicly, I dont let her out of my site (I am very protective), but I let her do somethings with my supervision. Like when we go to the store I let her pay with her money if she buys something. Things like that I let her do for learning some independence.

But I am with you on the, she does not need to be that independent, she is still my baby and I will hold on to that as long as she will let me!
Nicole

[DianeS]

In my opinion, this is a good time to start teaching your child that home rules win over anything else anyone tells her ever! It doesn't matter if teacher says she can use the telephone, or watch a particular TV program, or read a particular book, or be alone with boys, or get her driver's permit, or take birth control pills, or spend the night at her home, or anything else - if it's different than what you say, YOU win. (Incidentally, all those examples are ones I know other parents have complained about teachers telling students...)

Of course you're already teaching that, I assume. But in my house, a phone call past phone hours wasn't handed to me - ever.

I tend to think very outside the box. How about having your child telephone the teacher a couple times every day? *grin* After all, the child could easily come away from that lesson thinking she could call anybody!

When you go talk to the teacher, be sure to ask what she actually said about calling other classmates. Kids' interpretations can be quite interesting at times!

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I dont think that there is any one way to answer because we all have had our own experiences and have taken what we have taken from them to build our values...

I think I am kind of unconventional in the fact that I want my daughter to also be my friend and have always treated her like her own person and never as a "little girl".... Its really like a "gilmore girls" approach...and it works well.... She also flies by herself to see her dad every couple months (1 hour flight)...so I think that I just want her to be able to stand on her own feet and should anything happen be loud mouthed and well versed enough to bring it to the right persons attention as well as standing up for herself and others.....

I am just always pretty straight forward with her....and she can make up her own mind....

[lucyjoy]

When my son tells me his teacher says he should do something at home that I disagree with, I remind him gently and firmly that mom is in charge at home and the teacher is in charge of school.
MY 7 year old does not use the phone except to call mine or his dad's cell if he needs us while the babysitter is there. He has play telephones he can practice on. There are a lot of kids in our neighborhood, so all he has to do is walk outside if he wants to socialize. My 12 year old has just begun using the phone.
MY 12 and 13 year olds are poor message takers, so only the 4 older boys answer the phone.

[kay]

My son is older than those we're mostly talking about (he's 13), and we are dealing with slightly different phone issues. The girls have started calling, and I'm having to enforce our phone rules (and maybe even teach some phone manners in the process? sure, dream on!) "No, he can't come to the phone; phone calls are to stop at 9:00." "Yes, he's here, may I tell him who's calling?" And when they say "a friend", I wait for a name. I'm aware that I'm the Mean Mom, sometimes it seems the only one with rules - a girl called for him at 10:30 one school night. My son tells me they call because they're bored. I'm assuming these kids have their own phones, and their parents are either clueless or simply don't care. I can't change their world and their rules, but I can try to govern how they impact our house. (And, just my .02 on an issue I'll probably never face, I wouldn't have my hypothetical 6 year old calling people, either.)

[HappyMomAnna]

Thank you EVERYONE! I am so glad to know I am not completely nuts--or so behind the times!

DianeS I love the idea of calling the teacher! I bet you anything that I do not and never will have her home phone number anyplace--it is not listed in the school roster nor are any of the teachers #'s which I do find rather interesting

kay OMG 'a friend' gotta love that dont we? Just wait until the 'other' kids pull up into the drive way and honk! My poor older children were devastated when I would not allow them to just run out the door--especially if it was some kind of 'date'! The teenagers would sit there and honk--honk--honk until they gave up! And had to walk to the front door and see me.....

Lucyjoy-I completely agree about keeping the teacher as the teacher and the parents as the parents.... Last year our daughter was in pre-school and there was some kind of parent/kid thing planned at 6:30 I think it was a Tea of all things...anyway I picked up my daughter as usual at 4pm and the teacher asked if we would be back. I told the teacher, 'no tonight is M's church night and she has plans at 7pm'

This teacher ACTUALLY had the nerve to tell M that if she was 'good' there was no reason she couldn't do both things tonight!

Needless to say I informed the teacher that M is a good kid and even if she minded all the rules and did everything she was told to do--WE WOULD NOT BE AT THE EVENT. We have dinner and a family and if the pre-school wanted us to be at these sorts of events they would need to plan them for other hours of the day. Say in the evening or day time but NOT during Dinner.

Sometimes I just cannot get over how teachers feel they can tell children what parents need to do? We have already had a hard enough time teaching our daughter that WE are the ones in charge. After 2-years of caseworkers running her life--she often forgets the caseworkers are now past history!

[lucyjoy]

Teenage girls with phones are a problem for us to being I have gorgeous, teenage boys. I got a call from a mom one day informing me my lovely children had called her house at midnight.
They do not have their own phones, but made use of the phone jacks put in their rooms by the previous owners. What I really hate is if they ask for one twin who's busy they ask for the other one as if they are interchangeable.

Happymom and Lucyjoy,

Have to agree with your statement regarding teachers expecting us to drop all for events.....I know most of the time the teachesrs are doing it in the best interest of the children. But I object when they imply that we as the parent are somehow wrong if we don't do every thing that they see is important. But, haven't you found that most everyone thinks that there own little activity is the MOST IMPORTANT...and we should bend to accomadate! If one of my children is unable to attend something , the response from the leader is a horrified YOU CAN'T COME??? or a sustained silence intended to let me know of their disappiontment. In my younger day,when my olderchildren were little that sometime worked...as a result I was run ragged...not happy...and not enjoying my kids!

I have been a cub scout leader, ccd teacher, pto, ect.. I know the work involved....but I no longer run for every little thing and I still get the horrified looks, like my kids will be scarred for life if I don't do this or that!! Guess what...they are surviving and if they are scarred for life, I don't think it will be because they missed a function ot two!

Quite frequantly we are made to feel we do not know what is best for our children...its takes strengh to go aganist the tide!!

[kris123]

This has been one of the most informative threads I've read in a long time. Gotta say, I think that 5 is too young to be calling someone unsupervised. I think that constructive feedback for the teacher would help HER as well. There have been lots of times when I've done something that I thought was a fantastic idea, only to have someone point out to me some potential pitfalls...

Anyhow, one of my girlfriends has a great way of teaching her kids that different families have different rules. We have to respect their rules, especially at their house, but they might not have the same rules as we do, and we may or may not insist that they be followed at our house. There are also different rules for big people and kids. It was her four-year-old who pointed this out to me after I apologized for using the word "crazy" in his presence (it is a banned word in their house. I try to respect those rules whenever I can, but we know about ten different families who each have different prohibitions against words, so it can be difficult to keep track of them all).

thanks to all for the ideas

[coachmur]

Great subject here. I am the bmom of four kids, 19,18,15,11 and a foster mom to 6 & 5 year olds. My 6 year old came home not to long ago with the same type of book. It brought back memories of when our other kids brought them home. I agree with those who think it is too young. I can't stand my older kids being on the phone all of the time either. I allowed k, the 6 yo to make one call and then the book suspiciously disappeared.

As far as independance, i too agree with those who like their younger children to be dependant. Believe me, they grow up fast enough as it is. I have a huge problem with parents who let their kids "rule the roost" so to speak. What is wrong with, "I am the mom and I make the rules, or Because I said so, thats why!" After all I am the adult of the group here.

Just some thoughts. My 19 (almost 20) year old son is in his second year of college, which he has paid for on his own. He can get a job and be responsible to pay all of his bills. His teachers throughout high school and college remark of his dependability, so I guess our old fashioned way of bringing him up, when the parents are parents, and not "friends" has worked pretty well with him. The jury is still out on the others though. LOL

M