[jennbirthmom]

It doesn't seem to matter how may years pass, he is still the baby I visited in the nursury so many times. I remember only small details of it and with evey detail the pain never really seems to go away. I know God has a plan, but it seems as if this one was too much.
I am 29 soon to be the big 30 and the baby boy i gave up so many years ago is 9 soon to be 10. I hope every day that he is happy and well ajusted and so many other good wishes that I don't think I could name them all if I tried. Please remind me why?????
I know that I will never lose my guilt now and never lose that empty feeling of being prego for nine months giving birth to a healthy baby and still going home empty handed. It doesn't just affect me my husband, my oldest, who is 11, and my ability to parent an eight month old. Just if some one is out there tell me I'm normal. This is my firts time using this sight. Help

[Whirled_Peas]

I am an adoptive mother. I come to the birthparent section to read about what my baby's birthmom might be feeling. The sadness you write about is what I have read other birthmom's reporting. You sound normal to me.

If you are having trouble parenting your other children, I wonder if you would benefit from some counseling. See if you can find ways to deal with your feelings so you can soften your feelings of grief. Grief is a normal part of life, when each of us experiences a loss, we have to find a way to come to terms with it so we can get on with our lives. The sadness is always with us, but if that sadness is keeping us from living our lives to their fullest, something needs to change.

I see no one responded to your posting in several days. I wonder if you would find more support if you also posted in birthmother support.

[thanksgivingmom]

Hi Jennbirthmom - I placed my daughter for adoption using Safe Haven in November 2006. I absolutely know that guilt and that empty feeling......So many of us that place spend our days wondering about our children - so I know that feeling as well. If there is anything you can take from this, it's that you are not alone.

I think whirledpeas suggestion of counseling is a wonderful one....I know how hard it can be to talk about relinquishment - the guilt, the fears, but for me, the talking does help. This site has been an extreme source of help for me, and I hope you find that here as well.

Please continue to talk with us and get the support that you need.

[Janeytwo]

Hey Jennbirthmom!

I'm Janey; a double surrenderer. Hello to you.

Please remind me why?????....I know that I will never lose my guilt now and never lose that empty feeling of ......giving birth to a healthy baby and still going home empty handed......Just if some one is out there tell me I'm normal. This is my firts time using this sight. Help

((( Jennbirthmom ))) You are perfectly normal, sweetie. It is okay, you know, to grieve. Let yourself do that. You are not alone.

Guilt, shame, sorrow, grief, confusion, doubt.........these are all bricks on the road of relinquishment. I have learned that they can't be avoided. A person must feel these things in order to heal.

You are doing the right thing by sharing here.

Wishing you some peace today.