[Aurora1988]

I guess you consider my bio mom a safe haven mom.

She popped me out in the hospital and dipped off. She didn't sign me over or anything so I went into the system.

My parents brought me home when I was 6 days old, and I've been with them ever since...(ha ha well until i moved out to go to school when I turned 18 lol jk)

anyway I have been contemplating about searching for my bio-mom for years, but now I am ready to.

I need some advice from some of the safe haven mothers if this is a good idea or not

I feel that if she had me and dipped off like that then maybe she doesn't want to be found.

then again she loved me enuff not to abort me

the only info i have so far is my surname, and that i have an older bio brother who was born in CA. I don't know how old she was or anything when she had me, but I have a strong feeling she didn't stray far from my birth place.

i don't want to impose on her life. i just really want to know my heritage as well as hereditary medical info.

so i guess should I go for it or not?

everyone story is different but how do you feel about the child you gave up?! Do you remember their b-day? Do you wonder how they are doing? Do you want to see them? I guess I kinda want to put myself in her shoes.

[JustPeachy]

I am not a safehaven bmom, but in response to this:

Do you remember their b-day? Do you wonder how they are doing? Do you want to see them?

Yes, Yes, and Yes! I can only speak for myself, but I have never stopped thinking about my child, always think about him on his birthday (even light a candle and send good wishes to him, sing "happy birthday" to him), and would love to see him. I have had the great fortune of getting photos and letters through semi-open adoption, but hope for some kind of direct communication.

I cannot address what a safehaven bmom goes through, as I have no experience with it, but perhaps someone else on the board can give you some further insight.

[thanksgivingmom]

Hi Aurora, I am a Safe haven birthmom but I only placed about 18 months ago, so I don't have the perspective of time that you're looking for.

I can say though, that just because that's how I placed my daughter doesn't mean I don't love her, care for her, and wouldn't want to know her! I was incredibly fortunate in that I went back to the hospital to check on her and was put in contact with her Mom (through letters, the SW etc.) and we are now in an open adoption.

I wouldn't assume that just because she left the hospital without signing anything that she cares any less. I would say YES search for her!

I wish you the best on your journey!!!!

[Aurora1988]

I actually had a long talk with my pops. He futher explained (in how he took what DCFS told him) to me that she intentionally did not sign the papers because it was too hard for her but she knew she couldn't care for me. It was easier for her to not sign the papers and say that the state took her (me) away then saying she (my bio-mom) gave me away!

[Aurora1988]

You know I've read some of your posts on here...and I think your awesome! I haven't gotten around to reading your blogs but I will! thanxx again!

[Jackiejdajda]

I did not see my son when he was born.. I did not hold him and I did not give him up physically..

I did not remember his birthday for years.. And I loved him.. I loved him so much I could not deal with any of it..

Its running away.. Its not being able to or not being taught to process emotions..

I say look for her..

She may regret what happened deeply..

Jackie

[thanksgivingmom]

Anytime Aurora, and if you ever have any questions or anything feel free to email me or PM me (email is thanksgivingmom@hotmail.com - I try to keep it easy to remember!)

Also, since my DD was born on thanksgiving sometimes I for a second forget her actual birthdate and if it's the 23rd or the 24th...But I know it's Thanksgiving!

[Aurora1988]

Thanks so much for your words!!

Great news! I found my bio-sis!!! & she resides with my bio-grandmother (i believe) so i don't think it'll be too hard to find my b-ma!

thanks!!!

[Jackiejdajda]

Good news!



Jackie

[thanksgivingmom]

Congrats!!!

[josh1788smom]

Congrats - keep us posted!!!!

[snow princess]

Originally Posted by Aurora1988

Thanks so much for your words!!

Great news! I found my bio-sis!!! & she resides with my bio-grandmother (i believe) so i don't think it'll be too hard to find my b-ma!

thanks!!!

Congratulations !

I would be thrilled to meet my son.
I say search, if for some reason your bmom does not want contact, at least you will know, but to not search and wonder what if

- Def worth searching IMO, but I'm a bmom who would Love contact, I know there are some bmoms out there who do not want contact, but I still say go for it, nothing ventured, nothing gained

Good luck

[cetalley]

I am a natural mother (bmom)...I reliquished twin boys and have never forgotten..birthday, CHRISmas, halloween, mothersday...or any other special day. I even rmembered just out of the blue...basically everyday. They are now 22 yrs...and I have yet to find them....keep looking...definately

[susieloo]

I never ever stopped thinking about my daughter. 12yrs into reunion she is still always on my mind. Relinquishing her took away my soul, it will never fully recover.
My bdaughters sister however has a more complex ride ahead. By a total coincidence her bmum lives not far from me and works in the same educational institutuion. Her relinquishment has been so internalised by her bmum it is extremely hard for her to open up.This doesnot mean she loves her daughter any less than I.
Good luck...so keen to know any further steps,
love susie

[Aurora1988]

Well I have a relationship with my bio-family but not my bio-mother....I'm scared to make contact with her...she's not to much involved with her own family anyway...she's not making the best decisions with her life right now....I simply just want to tell her thanks...but IDK yet...