First....and only? - Page 3

lonni · #31 06-22-2007, 03:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommy24

TG~ You did what you did for your child, in the manner you felt that you needed to do it. Good for you, Someday I am sure your little one (the only one you will have to explain to) will understand appreciate what you did.

I AGREE

Tg mom is such a warm, caring person and she has taught me a lot.

bromanchik · #32 06-22-2007, 03:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thanksgivingmom

At the end of the day, no one else would have supported MY decision, what I wanted to do, and I didn't want to resent anyone for making the decision for me. Misguided as my perspective may be, I knew that adoption was right for me, and I chose not to involve anyone that would not be supportive of that decision.

I totally get this, thanksgivingmom. That is what I mean when I say that we need to change the attitudes of others. Those that judge women in unplanned pregnancies, or like your parents, only see one option. That is what breaks my heart. That you did not have the support you needed. That you had to go through it all alone.

**thanksgivingmom** · #33 06-22-2007, 09:11 AM

Thanks Mommy and Lonni and everyone that says such nice things!

Brenda, I COMPLETELY agree with you about the changing of attitudes. Ideally, sure, there would have been people to support whatever decision I made, but there weren't so I did what I had to do. But honestly, thank goodness for all of you! This is MY safe haven!

Mom2 - just for the record, and not to continue debate, the hospital (at least where I was) provided me with a completely anonymous form so that I could provide medical history/information to be passed along with DD. It is not just a "dropoff." I stayed while they checked DD to make sure she was doing well, they offered me medical services immediately (that would remain anonymous), provided me with juice and water to keep me hydrated and to keep my sugar up, etc. and were very full service after the birth. I was EXTREMELY willing to give my medical history and the bfathers to the best of my knowledge (which is as best as some bmoms can give in ANY placement situation). I'm sure there are some women that refuse these services, but I wanted to clarify that they are offered. Also, a bracelet is given to match you with the baby. For me, it definitely was not just a "drop off" as I have mentioned before.

Leigh131313 · #34 06-22-2007, 09:40 AM

Thanksgiving - I want you to know that I have never felt judgement towards you for the decisions you have made. I've never been in your situation and I honestly can't say what I would do under similar circumstances. Who knows what I would have done if faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

I really apreciate how open you have been with your story. I know it's not easy, but when people have the courage to share it gives us all an opportunity to learn so much. Not to mention the support it will give to people who have also been faced with the same decision.

Wishfuldaze · #35 06-28-2007, 12:48 PM

Maybe some of these girls that do SH were turned down by a hospital to have their baby there and they felt no other choice.
It happens, it happened to me(I found another hospital but the first one I went too sent me packing).
I only went to planned parenthood early on and hid the pregnancy from my family I contacted an agency a month before I was due but things kept getting off track with contact and not getting paperwork to fill out in the mail and things like that.
I finally met with someone from the agency literally the day before I went into labor
When the contractions got bad I went to a hospital and they were so mean to me since I did not have a doctor I was seeing.
They stuck me in the supply closet on a bed in there and since my contractions were not that close together they sent me home and told me not to come back there. She gave me the number/address of the free clinic to go too, even though it was Saturday and they were not open til Monday. The nurse told me to go there Monday and the doctor will be expecting me.
And right before I left she said, "Now remember do not come back here, if you do we will call the police, you are lucky I did not call them right now, you could be going to jail"

I went home confused and upset and did not want to go back to another hospital in fear I was going to be arrested. 12 hours later contractions were getting worse, and thankfully the person from the agency convinced me to go to another hospital and when I got there I was already 4cm into it and they ended up being a wonderful hospital and so nice to me.

I am just saying, some girls might go through what I did and not have anyone to convince them to go to another hospital.

With the hospital there was a massive paper trail and phone calls.

bajj · #36 06-28-2007, 01:26 PM

Oh wishful, I am so sorry! How can they treat any one like that????

**thanksgivingmom** · #37 06-28-2007, 02:03 PM

Wishful, that was part of my nightmare about this whole situation. The paper trail terrified me. I am so sorry you had to go through that!

***kakuehl*** · #38 06-28-2007, 07:51 PM

Thanksgivingmom,
Like the others, I thank you for sharing your story so willingly. I hope we indeed are part of your safe haven.

I was so lucky in that, although my mother didn't agree with my decision to place, she supported me in my decision and helped me. (My dad felt it was the right decision although he would have supported my decision to parent also.) Admitting to my parents that I was pregnant is probably the hardest thing I have ever done, because I knew it hurt and disappointed them both. (And admitting it was the right word, because mom figured out in about July, that I hadn't had a period since I'd been home from college and tackled me about it.) Dad and I have spent a good bit of time talking about it since my reunion. That's been a helpful thing for me, I think.

It's never easy, is it?

1971.mom · #39 07-03-2007, 09:42 PM

tgmom-

I have a friend who delivered this way about 8yrs ago. She confided in me about 3 yrs after it happened. Her mother was a Dr. and had actually commented on the situation to us not knowing it had been her own grandchild. She is across the country from me now-I commend both she and you for your strength and resolve, and sincereity. Other people may say your actions were foolish or risky, I say otherwise-bravo!

ticchick · #40 07-03-2007, 11:11 PM

Wishful,
That is horrible! Why would they say such a thing? I know people are cruelly judgemental of women like us but to threaten you with police and jail?? What in the world for? You poor thing- my mom actually ended up finding out about my pregnancy and was actually supportive, which was stunning to me. I am so glad I had her there though.

**thanksgivingmom** · #41 07-05-2007, 09:44 AM

KW, what state are you in? I can PM you how my daughter was placed and what agency/process she went through, but I'm not sure if that's how it is everywhere.

Kathy, you are DEFINITELY part of my safe haven!

Lisa, thank you for your kind words. I do not at all want to discount you, but I will say that I can admit that my actions were risky. having a baby alone is NOT the safest way to do things, for the mother OR for the baby. I was incredibly lucky that there were no complications and that we both were healthy throughout the labor and delivery. Having said that, again, thank you for the support you have extended.

1971.mom · #42 07-06-2007, 03:53 PM

I must agree it was risky as far as the unknowns of exactly what unpredicatable health related circumstances could have been. I'm proud for you and the sense of accomplishment that I would think you had in some sense afterwards..I know it was probably a sense of accomplishment and of releif at the same time that things went as well as they did. I would have had tremendous trouble gathering the gumption, but if I mustered up that amount of strength-I would feel extremely proud of myself for surviving on my own terms-and I felt like from reading your story that this happening on your own terms IS something you were proud of, probably because of the luck you had with the outcome. Things may have been different, but I'm glad that this wasn't the case.

**thanksgivingmom** · #43 07-06-2007, 04:40 PM

Thanks Lisa, I am glad too. It was a very surreal sense of accomplishment unlike anything I had ever experienced, and likely, unlike anything I ever will expereince in the future. It really was a situation of, I'll do what I have to do. Sometimes you don't know where the strength to do things comes from, but you know that to survive (sometimes literally) you have to find it.

I know Safe Haven birthmoms out there found that strength for both themselves and for thier child

Today, I don't like/need to be called strong or courageous. I'm not really. But on that one night, I will accept that I was both of those things.

Wishfuldaze · #44 07-09-2007, 07:42 AM

ticchick
She said since I did not regularly go to a doctor I could get arrested for a form of child abuse/neglection.
Later on I looked it up online and I could only find laws stating if the mother was on drugs she could get arrested right there in the hospital after giving birth, and I was NOT on drugs.
That nurse has emotionally ruined me for life with that experience.
My mothers sister got pregnant at 17 or 18 and since then my mother has not spoken to her more than a handful of times, and only then is because she had too. My aunts unmarried/had no boyfriend 21 year old daughter got pregnant right before I did and I remember my mom saying, "following suit like her mother bringing another illigitimate child into this world" That is what drove my fear of not telling her and my father, i love him but he lets me mom walk all over him and whatever she says goes.

thanksgivingmom -
I am STILL getting stuff in the mail. One for her one year check up..and the hospital KNEW/KNOWS she was adopted..sooo yeah.
I also got a million phone calls about paying/insurance/if I wanted to invest in baby insurance.

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