[coachmom]

Has anyone ever changed the birthdate of their child after bringing them home before readoption? We were asked in court if we wanted to change it and I was taken back by it, but as the months go on with our little one,I am getting the feeling that he is not as old as he is supposed to be.. I really feel he is at least 6-8 months behind..The more I see, the more I feel that way..
Thoughts?
Coachmom

[kretzklan]

I know one family that did...they aren't on this board. It was a two year odessey to get it done. You have to have a LOT of medical proof - bone density tests, psychological testing. I can't remember what else. I spoke to her at length one time because we feel DD's age could be off by about a year (she's a year younger than they said). However, we have a birth certificate from Russia that does not say "estimated" - theirs did...the judge here that granted it said he wouldn't have done it without that. If you feel your son is only off by months, I don't think it's a process I would mess with. In that time frame, you can start him in school later and it will probably never really matter, you know?

I've heard folks talk that it would have been done easily in Russia (they ask most people that question) - but I do not know anyone who's been prepared enough to say yes at that juncture!

[Mykidsmom]

He may still catch up, he has not been home long.

If you know for a fact it is his birthday, it is one thing that he has always had. The one thing in his life that has not changed.

[votemom]

i agree with mykidsmom. he hasn't been home very long. i feel like my girls are just now really settled in to who they are at 2 yrs home.

just my two cents, but i wouldn't change it.

agree very much that it's the only thing they come with that is "theirs".

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by kretzklan

I know one family that did...they aren't on this board. It was a two year odessey to get it done. You have to have a LOT of medical proof - bone density tests, psychological testing. I can't remember what else. I spoke to her at length one time because we feel DD's age could be off by about a year (she's a year younger than they said).

In Georgia, you could do it during the readopt proceeding without any medical reports. Just pick a date and put it in. I know several people who did it for various reasons -- the child was developmental behind, the child was physically small, the child's birthdate was too close to Christmas, the child had a winter birthdate and they wanted to have summer birthday pool parties -- all were approved. One family who had artificial twins changed one's birthday so they would have the same date, even though they were actually about seven months apart.

[Ebadge90]

I might get blasted for saying this, but I will anyway.

He is adopted, and I assume that at some point you will inform him of the fact. What if he were to find out that you changed his birthday as well? His birthday is HIS. Let him keep that.

[Drazil]

Originally Posted by MamaS

In Georgia, you could do it during the readopt proceeding without any medical reports. Just pick a date and put it in. I know several people who did it for various reasons -- the child was developmental behind, the child was physically small, the child's birthdate was too close to Christmas, the child had a winter birthdate and they wanted to have summer birthday pool parties -- all were approved. One family who had artificial twins changed one's birthday so they would have the same date, even though they were actually about seven months apart.

I am with you Ebadge and I would hope there would be much more thought put into the request than some of these . Those mentioned here are pretty selfish (most are really about the parents) and have little to do with the child and any future advantages they might need/have that would come with this change. Please think about this from the childs point of view once they are at the age where they actually start to understand their history, this may be one of the very few pieces of infomation that they actually have of their own. Your child has only been home a VERY short time so please let them have a chance to adjust and things may fall into place (in their own time not yours). The best of luck!

[Dickons]

MamaS,

As an adoptee, I am appalled. Why not change the sex as well?

Regards,
Dickons

[votemom]

sorry this post has turned a bit intense. i hope giving my opinion didn't offend you.

it's a personal decision, and i hope you can come to the one that you have peace with.

and all the best to you as you keep bonding with your sweet boy.

[jcm]

I couldn't imagine not knowing my REAL birth date. Could you? The fact that he may never get his own "history" would be burden enough I would think, without having the day he was born erased. NOT trying to flame you, whatsoever, but just consider the implications for him when he gets older.

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by Dickons

MamaS,

As an adoptee, I am appalled. Why not change the sex as well?

Regards,
Dickons

Dickons: When I use sarcasm the way you just did, I get a warning or a short ban. The OP asked a question. I answered the question. I did not give the OP my opinion, just the facts. It can be done, it has been done, and these are some of the reasons (that I know of) why it was done.
The amended birth certificate changes the name of child, names of parents, and can also change the birthplace if the adoptive parents so choose. Isn't that enough to be "appalled" over?

Regards,
MamaS

[mcanvasback]

Gee, some of you are harsh! I think the point the OP is making refers to a situation in which a parent does NOT think that their child's bc birthdate is his actual birthdate which is certainly possible. It is known for a fact that kids from my daughter's orphanage were older than their BC's stated. Four baby girl referrals (including Isabella)that came to our agency at the same time had November birthdays two weeks apart, two actually on the same day. There are four kids (including Bella)adopted from Kyrgyzstan in my town. All their birthdays are on the 25th of the month. So - who knows if these birthdays are really 'theirs to call their own"?

I suspect Isabella's birthday is not her true birthdate. I have no proof and if it is incorrect it is off by only a short period. I'll never know for sure and I personally would not change it. But it seems to me that most parents who consider it ARE thinking of the child and what is best for him/her to fit in developmentally. It's a personal decision and every situation is different.

[Drazil]

Originally Posted by MamaS

the child's birthdate was too close to Christmas, the child had a winter birthdate and they wanted to have summer birthday pool parties -- all were approved. One family who had artificial twins changed one's birthday so they would have the same date, even though they were actually about seven months apart.

Wow, if this is in the best interest of the children then you are right MamaS there is alot more to be appalled at when you get right down to it! Again, to the OP please reserve judgement for longer than 4 months as it is very typical for PI kids to be behind and you have not been home that long. Give your child a chance to adjust that's all, that would be in the best interest of the child!

[GCS]

There has been previous threads regarding this at frua. You might want to go there and do a search.

Here's what I have gathered from others. 1) this varies from state to state. 2) most states require you to prove that the child is actually a different age than what was presented to you at court (ie children being presented as much younger than what they were and parents having to provide bone scans and medical documentation to show the age descrepancy.)

For me, there were a lot of delays with my oldest at first but he slowly caught up. We don't know for sure that the birthday info we have on him is even accurate, but it is what we were given so that is what we have to go with. (he's a foundling so a date might have just been assigned to him. No one was really able to answer that question for us.) That birthdate is a part of his history now and we did not consider changing it. I'm glad he has that as he lost so much of his early life.

Good luck!

Christina

[jeannecr]

Hi Coachmom,

If the birthdate you have seems to be his real one, I would keep it.

My DS is about 6-12 months "behind" on his development in many ways. His speech is about 18 months delayed. Some kids need more time.

Here's what it says on the Russian usynovite website about why they allow you to change the birthday in Russia:


"Article 135 of the Family Code provides for a possibility to change the date and place of the adopted child’s birth. According to that article, the date of birth can only be changed in order to keep the adoption secret, and only when the adopted child is 12 months or older. It can be changed by no more than three months, that is, the adopted child can be registered as born three months before or after his/her actual date of birth.
It is usually done when the gap between the adopted child’s date of birth and those of the foster parent’s own children is not long enough."