[leeinmemphis]

Hi all-

We've been home for over five years now and my boys are almost 9 and 10. I'm really starting to think about doing a birthparent search for both of them -- they were best friends in the orphanage and not biologicallly related so it will be two completely different searches.
Does anyone have any contacts, ideas about prices, etc. for the Saratov region or anywhere close?

I'm nervous but excited about this... I know one day the harder questions will come but I'd like for them to know that I tried to find answers for them

Thanks all!

alli

[GCS]

There are a couple of searchers listed on FRUA. Also Karen's adoption links has info on this. There are a number of people on FRUA that have done this successfully and that are very happy with the outcome.

I contacted someone about starting this. Our children, adopted together, are also not biologically related. I feel like if we dont do something now, the trail may cold later and we will regret it.

But I worry about two things and that is what is holding me back from moving forward. I worry that we might find info on one and nothing on the other and then that's hard for the other child later on. Or more importantly, I really worry about what we will find out regarding one child. That the info will be something I will never want him to know. And that now I have this info and I did not share it with him as opposed to the answer I can give now regarding his past is that we really do not know. I have reason to believe that what we find in this case might be much worse than I can imagine.

I'm not trying to discourage you. This is just what has held me back.

[bunndel]

Hello!
Mary Kirkpatrick at Russian Family Search, russian sibling search, find russian sibling, russian birthmother, find russian birthmother, russian birth mother, find russian birth mother russian detective agency, russian private investigator, search russian birthparents, f is supposed to be reasonable and good. I, like Christina, am stuck in the decision of actually trying to find all the facts. We adopted our daughter 9 months ago and though I want to know I am also afraid of what that truth might be. What do we do?? Any insights?
Love,
Daniela

[waitinginnj]

The search process - no matter what the results is stressful. The search itself is stressful and then trying to figure out what to share and when is extremely difficult. I would think out all of the various types of scenarios before you decide what to do.

Some of the things that folks face are already alluded to here:

Birthparents that are happy/unhappy to hear about their child or indifferent

Parents being dead, in jail . . .

Some(I am not trying to make this sound overly common, but it does happen) have requested money from the adoptive parents - know how you want to handle these types of things in advance of search.

Some have been receptive to ongoing contact, some not- do you want ongoing contact?

Some people view it as the child's decision when they are mature enough to make such a decision - others don't want to risk that information won't be found.

It is a difficult decision. I wish all of those considering this the best.

[bryanskmom2b]

We used Mary (referenced above) for our Saratov search. Her team was not only able to find our son's birthmom, they also delivered a letter/pics to her & video taped her and we have pictures. It is wonderful to have this for the future. Feel free to PM me for more information.

[kfoster]

We used Mary Kirkpatrick for our search. She was very reasonable and I felt did a great job. She is an adoptive mother herself and understands what you are going through. Her service still facilitates contact with our son's birthmother. I'm also very impressed by the interpreter that she uses. He has done an awesome job with phone calls to birthmom. If you would like to know more, you can send me a PM. Karen

[Kasey]

we also used mary for two different regions. I had alot of the fears listed above, but I felt in my heart I would regret it more if I didn't try. I worried alot about not finding out equal info for both kiddos or what if the information was too horrible. But speaking with several adult adoptees helped move me forward. basically it is my childs history and they have the right to it so I should do what I could to find it out. I was also afraid the trail would run cold.
we have contact with both families. Some of things are hard to hear, but I dont regret doing this.
Just like adoption it is a leap of faith, so we went for it.
Best wishes!

[Katie63011]

Hi Lee,

We used Mary for our search in Saratov a few years ago. We had luck with our daughter but not our son. If you want to talk offline, email me at katie63011 at yahoo dot com.

[heikewould]

can't say enough good things about Mary. We have done two searches, one about 1.5 years after we came home and one just this past month. It is hard but I felt that saying "I don't know" was not a good enough answer when the questions started coming. (this coming from a person who started out wanting a closed adoption!) It's better to know and know how to handle speaking the truth. As I became Samantha's mom I realized I wanted to fill in all the holes I could for her. It was my job as a mother to do that. It will be age appropriate. My mom gave me advice with all questions my DD asks, "only answer what she is asking" which has helped sooooooooooo much.
In our case it comes down to poverty. The birth family is amazed looking through all the photos the searcher brings, they have this all on tape. He then reads the letter we have written and let's them aske questions which he then translates in a document for us. I hope to do this search every 3-5 years as the birth family are Roma and move around.

All in all it can be scary...but it's the story of your childs life.

[leeinmemphis]

Thanks for all of the info and thought provoking questions! Many of them I had already thought about and others that I hadnt!

I'm going to think about it for a couple of months and then probably go for it early next year....

alli

[Pinkie]

Alli, I am having a search done at the moment through Mary. I should hear within a matter of days if my search has been successful or not. I'm glad I went through Mary having said that I contacted three or four different people and they all seems very nice. You should join a few of the groups and read the comments etc and then make a decision on who to use when you feel ready to have a search done.