[ourpartyof5]

Hi everyone,
Did any of you put your 18 mo old+ newly adopted child back on the bottle or binky to help with attachment? If so, do you think it helped?
I'm toying with the idea of doing it, however, my kids all got theirs yanked at 12 months...I'm not a bottle or binky fan. But, if it will assist in comfort and attachment, I'm goin' for it!
Thanks for your thoughts!

[votemom]

we gave both our 23 months old girls a pacifier when we got custody of them.

one still has one for sleeping at age 46 months. she used to violently rock all night long and the pacifier helps her to relax and sleep peacefully. if she sleeps with it til she's 7, that's ok with us. she is a different person now that she truly rests thru-out the night.

i tried to put them on bottles, but they fought them. they didn't even want a sippy cup. so we just did glasses/cups. they drank from china tea cups in the baby home - so they were very used to that and rarely had spills.

the pacifier and holding them in a cradling position in a rocking chair before sleep-time is so good for attachment. that face to face, quiet, soothing time is so excellent. the first year i did it with each girl 3-4 times a day. now, almost 2 yrs home, i still do it once a day with each.

[Kasey]

Our guy at 13 months was not taking a bottle. we worked to put him back on, he fought it, but would take it at night. Sippy cup worked fine too, it was more the interaction of snugging and feeding him. We offered binky on many occasions to help especially with sleep time. He never wanted, never sucked his thumb or fingers either. We used the bottle at night through age two.
It is worth a shot but there are always other things you can do to promote attachment if your child keeps refusing bottle or binky, I wouldn't stress them out with it.
It is more about the actual physical contact while feeding, you can get the same thing with a sippy cup. he fought the contact with me for awhile but slowly would just melt into me.
Best wishes!

[MamaChinch]

I tried to give my dd, home at 18 months, a pacifier, but she was not interested. She also was drinking from a tin coffee cup, like you take camping, and off a bottle. I had to teach her how to use a sippy cup. I used those sippy cups with the soft spouts, and they are a lot like a bottle, so you could use that to hold them and give them milk. I actually didn't end up doing that, but some have. She has had no attachment issues.

[sak9645]

My daughter was 18.5 months old when I adopted her from China. I learned nothing about her feeding habits from the caregivers.

At our first meal together in China, I put cold cows' milk into a bottle, and tried to give it to her. My daughter was so emotionally shut down with grief and shock that she was pretty much acting like a robot. HOWEVER, her reaction to the bottle was pretty dramatic.

She gave me a lip-curling SNEER that would have stopped a clock. It was very clear that she had been taught that bottles were for babies, and that SHE was no longer a baby. She seemed to be saying, "You think you are my Mommy and you don't even know how to feed a child my age?"

As soon as I put the milk into a Playtex sippy cup, she picked it up and drank thirstily. She was totally familiar with sippy cups, and I later learned that she could also use a straw. I found THAT out because, one day when my group and I were touring, she picked up a can of Chinese-labeled Coke that I was drinking, and started swigging it down through the straw! She knew exactly what it was and how to get at it.

I also got a sneer, albeit not such a dramatic one, when I showed Becca a pacifier. Again, I was clearly doing something that was against all the rules she had been taught.

I certainly wasn't going to force the issue. I'm no fan of pacifiers, and I figured that Becca would transition to sippies pretty quickly once she got home, even if she was on a bottle. Moreover, I figured that attachment wasn't a matter of what you drink from or what you use to self-soothe.

And I was right. When her grief and shock passed, she emerged as a huggy/kissy/smiley kid who loved having a Mommy and being adopted. There were no attachment issues, and she was more than happy to let me carry her, spoon feed her, and so on.

Let your child be your guide. Bottles and binkies are nice if they help a child attach to you. They are NOT nice if they become weapons in a battle of wills with your toddler. Your child can attach just as well if he/she prefers cups to bottles or sucks on a piece of fabric instead of a pacifier.

Sharon

[k8c]

I'm adopting an older child, but I plan to have bottles and pacis available with our doll things. That way, if it's something that she wants, she can do it and "save face". I know a family whose 7 and 9 year olds liked, and needed, to "play baby" often complete with swaddling and bottles. for them, it was very therapeutic. And, it didn't last long.

[beckyww]

We got Julia at age 6 from St. Pete. She's 9 now. I had both a bottle and a pacifer waiting for her. She used the pacifier a little at night for a few months, then stopped. The bottle....well, when she doesn't feel good, or sometimes just for fun, she loves for me to fill it with water or soda and wrap her in a blanket and baby her. She absolutely loves it. And so do I. And what does it hurt? They miss so much institutions. So, so much.

I coo at her, and treat her like a baby, and she acts like one and snuggles close. 15 minutes later, she's back up beating the neighbor boy at soccer.

If your child regresses - be thankful. Rejoice! You're helping that child attach to you.

BTW - I jerked our three bios off the bottle at 12 months. Period. And none of them ever wanted a pacifier. You do what's best for every child, and they're not all the same. So neither is what you do.

Becky
This Reminds Me

[cindyc]

My son, adopted age 1, went on the pacifier soon after we got him. I honestly think it saved the sanity of everyone in the family. We offered a bottle, but he wasn't interested; we used sippy cups instead

I'm not a fan of binkies either, but our son sure needed it to calm himself down.

[ddahl]

We adopted our son at 17.5 monts and they informed us that he was drinking out of cups and glasses and not to let him have a sippy or bottle. Being me.... I promptly put him on toddler formula bottles and kept hm there for 3 years. He was beyond nutritionally compromised weighing a mere 17 pounds at almost 18 months old. Frankly, they stop giving formula and bottles in the baby homes sometimes before they turn 12 months old. I felt he was robbed of his baby time and gave him free reign with ba-bas deluxe. He is well adjusted and has caught up nutritionally. He easilly weened from the bottle at 4.5. He got very ill and I just told him his pediatrician said no ba-bas until he was feeling better and he never went back. Now at 5.5 he asked me for one a few weeks ago and I just said sure and he went on to something else. Some of my most precious moments with him were rocking him with his baby bottle. For us it was wonderful and if the child will take it, I would hole heartedly encourage it. WOnderful for bonding and if its your first its good for you to have that baby time with your baby no matter how short or long lived it is. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for your family. Oh and our son would not use a paci but prefered to carry it around and offer it to his toys.

[lakimnafite]

Absolutely yes for the bottle! We never did pacifier with our son and did not offer to our daughter, but I rocked her with the bottle before nap and bed. I never offerred it at other times. I read somewhere to treat the bottle like a breast (ok, sounds weird... sorry!) and they can't walk around and breast feed, so they shouldn't walk around with a bottle. She really learned eye contact and cuddling from those times. She had never been cuddled before, and was terrified for a long time to be held - unless it was during bottle feeding. It's great for bonding and very rewarding and enjoyable time for mommy