[cac_li]

Does it bother anyone else when people find out your are adopting and tell you "he/she is so lucky." I know they are well intentioned when they say that, but for some reason, it really bothers me. I don't even quite know why it bothers me so much except no one says that to someone having a biological child and also because I am adopting b/c I want a child and not b/c I am trying to give a child a home ( I hope that makes sense) .

What do other's think??

[LeJo12]

It does kinda rub me the wrong way as well. I usually turn it around and say that I will be the lucky one.

[votemom]

yes it bothers me a lot and i can't really figure out why.

i know what people mean: out of all the millions of orphaned children on the planet, our daughters now have a forever family. so, yes, they are "lucky", if you believe in luck.

and yet... i feel like it's US who are the "lucky" ones who are privileged to have them in our family.

so... i just don't know why it bugs me. weird.

[cantwait2bmommy]

My husband and I talk about this one all the time. It is our #1 pet peeve cliche. Sadly, most people don't see adoption as just another way to make a family. Many still think it is wonderful you are "saving" a child and "giving" them a home. What a "lucky" child. AUGH!!! Maddening.

[TxMom65]

I totally agree. I know people mean well, but it hits me wrong. If my daughter were really lucky she wouldn't have been in foster care in the first place. Who ever thinks to tell bio kids that they are lucky? Nobody.

I just tell them that we are the lucky ones. IN fact, my parents remind me of that all the time.

[MissDaisyofTexas]

I usually respond with something like "it's a win-win situation" because I think both sides are lucky.

[momraine]

I also tell them I am the lucky one. The other one we get (because our kids are disabled) is that there will be "a special blessing for us in heaven", I tell them we already got our blessings right here.

[beckyww]

Bugs the heck out of me. Julia asked neither to be born, nor to be adopted. Those were God-driven events played out in a stratosphere in which she had no input. It irritates me enormously to hear her referred to as what is essentially a charity case - some pathetic waif to be patted on the head. Diminishes her.

And like momraine - I tell them Keith and I are the lucky ones. The first time. The second time - I gently remind them not to say that. The third time - I'm rude about it.

Becky
http://thisreminds.me

[Dawnb93]

It irritates the crap out of me. You're right. People don't say that to pregnant couples. "Oh your baby is so lucky you're having it"?? No, that is not said. I adopted my children for purely selfish reasons - I wanted children and was unable have any the "conventional" way. I never looked at it like I was "saving" a child, nor do I feel that way now. I always, always respond - "No, we're the lucky ones."

Dawn

[amyfk]

I know a lot of adoptive parents when faced with this expression say "but we're the lucky ones." I dont personally take offense at this one. Maybe it's bad but I guess it is better to be in a home than in an orphanage and then turned out onto the streets. That is just my personal opinion, doesnt mean you have to share it. I know many dont.
Amy K, NJ

[momm2be]

Most people mean well, but I don't think the majority of people understand the sorrow that accompanies the joy of adoption. That's what really bugs me about the "lucky" phrase. The average Joe forgets that there must of have been a great loss before these kids could gain anything. Its not for a passing conversation, so really the answer for us is the same as many above-- we are the lucky ones to be given the chance to parent such wonderful kids.

[votemom]

yes, well said momm2be!

are my girls "lucky" to have been abandoned at birth by their mothers?

are they "lucky" to have spent the first 23 months of their lives in an orphanage?

are they "lucky" to have ripped away from everything that was familiar and thrown into a frightening new world where they did not understand the language or the smells or the sounds?

are they "lucky" that they will go thru life wondering why their mothers didn't want them?

[Mommy K]

Comments like this are harder to answer then something that is blatantly mean--It's the subtle things and thoughtless comments that are meant to be compliments that get to me more--because I try to respond to match the intention.

Yes, I agree that we are the lucky ones to be blessed with such wonderful children..but this answer sometimes is not enough. In my mind too-comments like this make me feel like less of a parent to my children.
I have heard this many, many times--and I always tell the other person if they are a a parent (or a parent to be) that thier children are lucky to have them as parents too. I hope to send the message that my children are as much mine--as thier children are thiers.

[momraine]

Yes, when we first brought my son home at age 6 people kept saying how happy and grateful he must be. In reality he was grieving the loss of everything familiar and was terrified of this new life with strangers in a strange country speaking a strange language.

[k8c]

I think my answer will be the same one I use whenever a comment is made about luck--"I don't believe in luck." with a warm, knowing smile that says, "and surely a smart person like you doesn't believe in anything so silly either."