[proudmommyof 2]

This is not to start a debate on the Madonna situation, really.

It bothers me the way people talk about it. People who don't know what they are talking about.

Any discussion on any of the news sites centers around "Why is she trying to take someone else's child?" "There are millions of orphans in the US" etc.

I guess I just didn't think that there were that many people that thought that negatively about international adoption.

I had a Facebook friend (I know, not really a friend, more of someone I played basketball with in high school) post nasty things on her wall that made me shake with anger. I guess she didn't realize my kids were internationally adopted. I set her straight, but still.

Is anyone else finding this? As I get older, I realize people will form very solid opinions based on very little knowledge, and will not learn from other people (like my own mother), but still-such negativity. I'm not saying at all that Madonna's attempted adoption in any way reflects on my own three beautiful kids, but to the uninformed, it's the same.

It seems people either think we're thieves or saints. why can't we just be thought of as who we are? Mommies? (And Daddies?)

[kretzklan]

I haven't felt that the anger was directed toward international adoption - but illegal adoption in general. Malawi is not open to international adoption - she was able to skirt the rules once and I think people are sick of that behavior from celebs. I'm sorry though if people are being ignorant...I've heard a lot of comments about why she can't go to other countries that allow international adoption and have a real program in place. Although Angelina and Brad drive me nuts - they have always followed the rules, you know?

[TweetyMom04]

Originally Posted by proudmommyof 2

It bothers me the way people talk about it. People who don't know what they are talking about.

....people will form very solid opinions based on very little knowledge, and will not learn from other people (like my own mother), but still-such negativity.

IMO, You summed up the 'public opinion' in these 2 comments.

[jeannecr]

Makes you wonder what else the media presents in a distorted way, doesn't it??

[Russiamomto3]

I actually sent an email to The View this week. Whoopi and her girls had a lot to say on a subject they know nothing about. (If you go to their website you can see the "hot topics" segment from I think Tuesday or Wednesday)
They made some statements along the lines of...why does she want to take these kids from their country...why doesn't she adopt the kids here...etc.
Very interesting and made me livid !!!
They never did address the issue of their stupidity, but at least I got my say via email !!

[Russiamomto3]

Actually it was the Hot topics from 3/31...
ABC.com: Hot Topics

[kretzklan]

I can't even watch The View anymore - they are stupid about WAY too many things (how about that for a blanket statement?) - I found myself screaming at the screen one too many times and I promised to never go back...

[proudmommyof 2]

Just to clarify--I don't mean the media. We all know how unbiased they are.

I mean reading newsvine, or just conversations people are having about Madonna (again, not going there, not saying she's right)-it just always comes back down to those arguments.

I talked to my dh, and told him, if I can change someone's mind, I'll try. some people are very proud to be set in their (ill-educated) ways and don't want to change their minds, and those people I won't change.

i guess I just didn't realize there was that much anti-adoption sentiment, esp. internation adoption, in the general public

[SoniaRose]

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm a 55-year old adoptee who was browsing today's posts. I also happen to be a fan of the View. I admit I know very little about international adoption since I was adopted in a different era, but I'm afraid I would be guilty of echoing the sentiments of the ladies of the View: why adopt children from other countries when there are children here in the US that need homes? I can understand that many people want babies, and there are not many babies available in the US, but I had thought that older children were available...am I wrong?

Sorry if you think I'm stupid, but I probably think like most Americans who have no knowledge of adoption in today's world. It's not that they're anti-adoption; they just don't understand...

By the way, remember that Barbara Walters is an adoptive mother herself.

[bromanchik]

I echo the women here who state it is not about international adoption, rather that Madonna wants to adopt a child who's family wants her. Same with David Banda. These are not "orphans" just children she decided she wanted. She skirted the rules in the first adoption, she should not get to skirt them a second time around.

[devildogwife]

I think people adopt internationally for different reasons. My parents recently adopted 2 teenagers from Ukraine. They were both almost 16 and almost ready to age out of their orphanage, with no support, no skills and little education. Orphans in their former country were treated horribly. They were spat on, beaten and the list goes on and on. Horrific things.

My parents just had a heart for children in Ukraine, and wanted to give 2 of them a family. We don't all build our families the same way. My parents adopted from Odessa Ukraine, my DH and I adopted from Iowa.

They followed every single rule required of them and were in Ukraine over 12 weeks (can't remember exactly). Like Brenda said, Madonna was skirting the rules and that's what I think a lot of people have a problem with, proudmommyof 2

Originally Posted by SoniaRose

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm a 55-year old adoptee who was browsing today's posts. I also happen to be a fan of the View. I admit I know very little about international adoption since I was adopted in a different era, but I'm afraid I would be guilty of echoing the sentiments of the ladies of the View: why adopt children from other countries when there are children here in the US that need homes? I can understand that many people want babies, and there are not many babies available in the US, but I had thought that older children were available...am I wrong?

Sorry if you think I'm stupid, but I probably think like most Americans who have no knowledge of adoption in today's world. It's not that they're anti-adoption; they just don't understand...

By the way, remember that Barbara Walters is an adoptive mother herself.

[kretzklan]

I know this post is getting far off what Proud Mommy meant for it to be. But, as a parent who adopted older children internationally - I'll state my why. Let me start by saying when people ask me this out in the world (which they do, most folks have no boundaries), my reply is "why, how many children from foster care have you adopted?"...those who have adopted from foster care would generally never ask such a question. I don't mean that to be rude - but it's true. Anyway, we tried to fost-adopt...biological parents with children in the foster system get a lot of chances - not judging that either way - but for a family that just wants straight adoption - it can be tough. We knew we couldn't have a child with us and then not be allowed to adopt. So, simply for wanting straight adoption we were told it would take longer. (I know people do it quickly...just stating what we were told). If you read some of the boards of folks working through foster care - you'll see that the US systems can throw up a LOT of barriers for people simply wanting to add a child/ren to their family. Inquiries go unanswered, TPR dates get moved over and over. Also, at the time - we felt that the chances of a child who had been moved over and over would be more apt to suffer from the mental affects of that (RAD, ODD, etc.). We now parent two AD kids from Russia...so that one didn't pan out...
We tried for about a year (simultaneously with our first failed intl. placement) and then gave up since we'd had not even one possible placement (and our parameters were not that closed). So, back to your regular scheduled programming.

[crick]

While I think there have always been the group of people asking "Why there and not USA?", I also think over the last year with our downturn in the economy and budget cuts everywhere, that group has grown.

Seems there is an increase of "take care of our own" right now because things are worse than they have been. One can better make the argument now that there are areas in USA reaching or have reached levels of poverty where one feels as though it's a problem now. (not saying we've not had the problem all along, just seems that people are far more aware of it or it hits home more now, kwim?) Whereas before people could say "well the international kids have it far worse and here at least we have programs to care for kids" as a way of "understanding", now with cuts in those programs, high unemployment rates and constant media attention to all the families on hard times, I think it adds to people's anger and it's one of the ways they can lash out.

While those in the actual adoption community may be more in tune to the laws and ethics of Madonna's situation specifically, I doubt that general public really focuses on that aspect of things.

Anyway...just an observation more than anything.

[proudmommyof 2]

I see what you're saying Crick, and that's part of it, I think.

Just for the record, we did have a failed domestic adoption, and just this summer, tried to adopt an older, special needs sibling group from foster care in CA.

That's not saying, however, that I think that because my kids were born here, they deserve a family any less.

I guess it bothers me that people see international adoption as one less child coming to a home from the US, as if we're hurting US children. I don't think that what I did was necessarily a good thing. I wanted children, and I got them and I love them more than anything. But I don't think that I hurt anyone here or in another country by adopting them either. None of my kids had bio family trying to stop the adoption, and we did everything by the book.

I guess I don't understand why IA adoption makes people mad, (b/c you aren't adopting from here), but pregnancy should do the same, don't you think? That's one less child out of foster care as well.

We adopted internationally b/c when we brought our children home, we wanted them to be ours, and not have a worry about something happening down the line. It was more expensive than domestic. It wasn't any faster.

Does that make sense? I was just shocked by the outcry. The media is after Madonna, and she should follow the rules. I'm not defending or demonizing her. But the general public is using it as a springboard to make their feelings known about IA.

[beckyww]

DH and I have a pretty standard answer for the self-righteous who ask with feigned shock, "Why didn't you adopt a child from THIS country?" Answer: "We're saving those kids for YOU."

Never watched "The View" and can't imagine what would ever entice me to do so. Don't care what their views are. About anything.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX