[BethanyB]

My problem with Madonna is that she is trying to adopt children who have family and convince them to give up their rights because she believes she will be the better life for that child. Why can't she adopt a child who has no family? Why this specific little girl?

I bet the little girl is beautiful and when Madonna sets her eyes on something, she wants it. I mean, she has power, fame, and money. All the right ingredients to get what you want. She needs to pick a country that has less strict laws or pick a child who is free and clear for adoption. What she is doing is wrong. I think THAT is what people have a problem with.

[crick]

Bethany - for those in the adoption community or those more aware of ethics and laws...I agree with you. However, general public is more likely against IA in general and not likely paying that much attention to the laws and what specifically Madonna is doing/not doing.

I read a lot of comments from online articles this weekend and more often than not, the comments were indeed directed towards IA overall.

Proudmommy - I am sure it's frustrating to see so many people come out more vocally with these overall views.

Beckyww - thanks for saving THOSE kids for me. I know what you mean...towards the people who aren't adopting at all etc. Still...it's just like anyone here who bristles about opinions etc. of IA, those of us who have indeed adopted from foster care, the word THOSE and all it implies - (not good enough for you) ugh! I do know what you mean, just commenting.

[Sue64]

Not specific to Madonna, but as a single mom who adopted internationally I just don’t understand why “borders” are placed on orphaned children. There are millions of orphans across the globe and they all need homes and families. We all ultimately decide where we will adopt from for various reasons. Those reasons should not minimize the relevance or importance of orphans in the US or any other country. Just my opinion.

[Purdue]

SoniaRose, We started domestically looking when we decided to adopt. But after researching it and talking to many SW's and DCFS workers, we found that the majority of the children in the US up for adoption are newborns (my DH and I are almost 40 and therefore wanted a slightly older child) or over 8 years old because it takes that long to get the child throught the entire legal process and exhaust every effort of getting the child back to their bio parent(s)! I completely understand trying to get them back in ther bio home, but at the same time, how many chances are some of these people supposed to get? By that time the poor kids have been bounced from foster home to foster home. We were told that we could adopt from the foster system, but our intention was to just adopt. I don't think I could handle getting attached to the child and then have them taken away. Just couldn't do it.

As for anyone trying to skirt the system to IA, I don't agree with it.

[BethanyB]

"Bethany - for those in the adoption community or those more aware of ethics and laws...I agree with you. However, general public is more likely against IA in general and not likely paying that much attention to the laws and what specifically Madonna is doing/not doing"

(Sorry my quote button is not working.)

But in response to this, I think it depends from person to person. When I announced that I was adopting an AA child through the foster care system I was asked by countless people, "Why don't you adopt one of those cute little Chinese babies?!"

And I can't tell you how many times people have asked me what country my kids come from. And when I tell them here in the US they look at me like I'm crazy. So I guess it all depends on the person.

[JGarrick]

Originally Posted by SoniaRose

...why adopt children from other countries when there are children here in the US that need homes?

SoniaRose - I understand your question is largely rhetorical so I'm responding to the thread, not to your post specifically. Anyway...

I think this is a little like asking if you walk to school or carry your lunch. The question is irrelevant, but if an answer is required, there are plenty of them. Here's a sample:

• Because we wanted to
• Because we have an interest in that country/culture
• Because we didn't want to adopt an older child
• Mind your own business

I think all these people that get up in arms over people who adopt internationally because we should "take care of our own" first might want to take a look in a mirror. Read the labels in stores and consider how many US manufacturing jobs get exported to China every time you go shopping. Are you buying only Made in the USA products? Are you buying your food only from local farmers? Are you shopping at locally owned businesses? Does your lifestyle support deforestation, massive pollution, or child labor? When these people are without sin, I'll consider them qualified to pass judgement.

Any finally, I personally think that if you haven't already adopted waiting children here in the US then maybe you could just shut up about what anyone else is doing.

Sorry if I'm offending anyone, but I get a little upset when people get self-righteous because someone else wouldn't do something they're unwilling to do themselves.

[MamaS]

Originally Posted by JGarrick

I think all these people that get up in arms over people who adopt internationally because we should "take care of our own" first might want to take a look in a mirror. Read the labels in stores and consider how many US manufacturing jobs get exported to China every time you go shopping. Are you buying only Made in the USA products? Are you buying your food only from local farmers? Are you shopping at locally owned businesses?. And finally, I personally think that if you haven't already adopted waiting children here in the US then maybe you could just shut up about what anyone else is doing.

I think I will have this printed up to hand out to people who complain about international adoptions while driving their Japanese-made cars and wearing their Chinese-made clothes and drinking their imported French wines.

[SoniaRose]

I don't think that John or Jane Q. Public is being "self-righteous" asking why you adopted a child from another country -- I really believe the average person just doesn't understand the issue. The question may seem ignorant or rude to you, but I don't think it is intended as such. People are just curious, and yes, we human beings are notorious for speaking before thinking. I think that adoptive parents should always respond politely to seemingly inappropriate questions (and especially when the children are present.)

[crick]

Sonia - I think for some that's definitely true...there are curious people who don't ask it judgementally and truly do just want to understand someone's reasons.

I think a lot of people though do ask in a different way and tone that is not so nice. Those are the people being discussed here (at least that's the group I have in mind)

[SoniaRose]

Over time I have noticed a bit of defensiveness among some of the adoptive parents on these forums. But then again, I haven't walked in their shoes and been asked the same annoying questions time and time again. In any case, I still believe that rude questions can be answered without sarcasm.

As an adoptee, I just worry about the adoptive kids. I never liked the fact that I was adopted, but at least I looked enough like my aparents (all Caucasian) so that it was not openly discussed with strangers. My heart goes out to all those IA kids. There is never an excuse for someone to ask an inappropriate question in front of the kids.

I can only think of one family I ever met who had an IA child. Years ago there was a soccer mom who had two blond bio kids and one toddler from China. I remember wondering to myself about the circumstances, but was smart enough to say nothing. But I can imagine she has responded to plenty of nosy questions over the years. If I could apologize for all the rude and callous people out there, I would do so.

But I still think the ladies of the View meant no harm or disrespect with their comments. Best of wishes to all you aparents.

[momraine]

I think that no matter what you do, there are going to be rude people who will ask you questions that are rude. I honestly think we remember the negative things more becuase they hurt. I have kids with limb differences and I get a lot of questions. Honestly there are only a few negative (like the lady who asked me in a fast food line if I took drugs while I was pregnant) but because they hurt and shock me, they stick with me. The people who tell me that my daughter is an inspiration or that my son is amazing are a dime a dozen. I hear that so much, I simply say thank you and move on. (dd rolls her eyes as she doesn't see herself as inspiring, ds loves any kind of attention). I have been asked why I didn't adopt from the US. I ignore rude people, the honestly curious I answer that I tried and the first time was told I would have to take a child older than my bios and I was not willing to take that risk, and the second time they would not return my calls. There is also the fact that in even in these economic times children in the US foster care system will for the most part, get fed daily, get educated and get medical care, and that cannot be said for children around the world.
But again, most people when they hear my kids are adopted say that's great. The jerks though stand out in my memory becuase of thier attitudes. I wish that was not true, but for me it is.

[nhook]

Well I think why people adopt where they adopt is just as personal as asking anybody else about family plans. I have yet to see it common for people to walk around to people and say to a family with 2 children, "Are you going to have another one". "Are you done having children".

We investigated every type of adoption and we were right away interested in IA. For the person questioning, did you know that in a lot of these countries, if these children are not adopted, they are thrown out onto the street with nothing? In the USA, they will be helped. That doesn't diminish the fact that they didn't have parents, Every child deserves to have parents but IA is where my heart is.

BTW, talk about rude. I had a man call me a baby smuggler when he found out we adopted an international child. Of course, he chooses not to have children.

Yes, I have spoken to several adoption agencies who say that it is difficult to adopt through foster care because of parental rights. Also, you have to be very open to adopting an infant and what the birthparents want. I did not feel comfortable with that. When you adopt internationally, the parents rights are relinquished.