[amyfk]

Help!

I have been tryiing and trying to get Joanna to potty train. During the summer I promised her a robot toy if she went a few times in the potty(she did it and I forkedover a lot of money, I was crazy).
Since then she has regressed and has no interest in the potty. When we try to put her on it she would rather sit in wet diapers for several hours than go on the potty. When we physically try to put her on there she makes a big fuss and tires us out.
At this point most of her little friends are getting trained or are accepting the idea. I tell her that her friends are doing it and that diapers are for babies, but she doesnt care. I bought her a nice sticker book and I told her if she goes in the potty 3 times Ill give it to her. No interest.
Im at a loss. We're seeing a new pediatrician next week and I will bring it up to him. Any other ideas? She is now three.
Thanks,
Amy K, NJ

[vegaschristina]

My oldest wasn't ready to be diaper free until she was 3 1/2, that's how old my son is, and we're just now starting to make progress towards potty training.

Best of luck.

[sak9645]

Forget the whole topic. Tell your child that she can use diapers, pullups, or underwear; it's her choice. When your child is ready, she will tell you, and she probably will be close to accident free. Make it clear that she can make one decision for the daytime and one for the night, since most kids train by day much faster than they do by night.

It always amazes me how parents think that their kids are potty trained, when they have several accidents a day. Those kids aren't trained, though their parents may be trained to look for signs and rush them to the potty.

If you have read potty books with your child, maybe seen a video like "Once Upon a Potty", tried underwear, etc., your child knows all about what needs to be done. She's either not physically ready or not emotionally ready. When she is, she will let you know.

One thing that often helps is putting your child in a day care or preschool setting that is structured to foster independence. I'm talking about a school where the teachers say, "OK, time to get dressed for water play, and the kids are expected to do so by themselves, or at least to "use their words" to ask for help with something specific, like figuring out the back from the front of their shirts. A lot of kids simply are so used to parents doing things for them that they don't have an incentive to do things like bathrooming and dressing.

A mixed age group is great for toilet training, as the littler or less ready kids will observe the older and more ready ones, especially if there's a unisex bathroom with toilets, potties, changing tables, and urinals, and no one makes a big fuss over whichever the child prefers. It's also good for the child who may be a little older or younger developmentally than his/her chronological age would indicate.

Pushing a child to use the potty sets you up for "potty wars". Toddlers and preschoolers LOVE to be oppositional. It also sets the child up for a sense of failure, if he/she thinks that he "should" be able to use it when, in fact, he/she is not quite there yet.

Sharon

[Kasey]

Amy-we are in the same boat with our youngest. Our oldest was a breeze, he was completely dry at 2 1/2, did have a small regression when his brother came home, but it only lasted 2 weeks.
Maks was showing signs right before 3 he seemed ready, went on potty all the time even in pull ups, liked going, we put him in undies during day and for 2 weeks no issues aside from an occasional accident. Then he was moved to preschool room, had been transitioning there for a couple months and I think it caused a set back. His speech delay is frustrating to him and I think it was alot all at once, he had more accidents and was getting upset. So we have put him back in pull-ups and are just letting it be for now, don't want to frustrate him anymore. He helps change himself, we go into the bathroom to do it, I continue to remind him during the day to go into the potty if he needs to. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. He is alot less frustrated and emotional now, so we will leave it as is, and focus on the speech stuff. even though I would love to be done buying diapers, I know it will come and I can't push him.
Good luck, hang in there!

[Mykidsmom]

Just let it go...
It will happen. It doesn't matter if every other child in the state her age is potty-trained, she will get there.
It is a battle of wills at this point. My peds once told me "The Mom who has their child potty-trained first is not the best Mom". Try to follow her lead, make the potty available to her, so that when she is interested it is there for her. Just enjoy this time of her being a baby that much longer. I use to say my kiddo would probably go to college in a diaper, but now that seems so long ago. Once my kiddo decided to use the potty, there was never any accidents. Each kid developes at their own rate and ability. On the average my kiddos were late but once it happened we were done with diapers/pull-ups.

[beckyww]

My three bio girls were all 3 months short of their third birthdays before they were really trained. I stressed with the first one. After that - I cared a lot less.

I agree whole-heartedly w/SAK9645, though. Expectations and peer pressure do a lot more than Mom barking. When your daughter does't want Suzy sniffing that she's a "baby" - she'll dry up in a hurry. Make sure she's around kids that are trained and she'll want to fit in. Even at this age - they are who their friends are.

I also found character underwear helped. My eldest didn't want to wet Barney.

I've had four in kindergarten and I've never seen one start in diapers.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[Bcelli]

While I would love to say I was able to potty train both our boys on my schedule, it never worked no matter how hard I tried. I was tired of diapers by the time they were 2+ and I was tired of the expense to be quite blunt, when I knew they had the ability. But frankly, they didn't give a rootin' tootin' rip what I was tired of, they were in charge of their own potty habits. DS1 trained one week before his 3rd birthday. DS2 came home at 2.5 years and had to start all over again, not attaining independent responsibility until about a year later. Resign yourself to continued diaper changes. She'll let you know.

[amyfk]

Thank you all from those whove been there/done that. I was just wonderingif it is a battle of wills of toddlerhood or perhaps a psychological/adoption issue perhaps.?. I am hoping that the peer pressure thing does get to her soon though.
Amy K, NJ

[GCS]

BTDT! I agree with the above posters and say let it go. She will do it when she is good and ready. DD was ready at 18 months. I went gangbusters and over did it. I scared her off and she was 3 years almost to the day before she decided it was time. Then it happened with almost no accidents. I kept her in pull ups for night time for another 6 months just in case but she was even dry through the night.
Once they decide, it will happen!

[karenmarq]

DD trained at 4 finally. Regressed over the Christmas break. Just doesn't see alot of benefit in having to use the toilet ALL the time.

I think the structure of preschool helps her. And this time Cracker Jack was a successful bribe.

Cheaper that a Robot!

Good luck in being patient!

[momraine]

My oldest son was a very reluctant trainer. But what worked with him was right before his third birthday I started asking him if he wanted underwear or a diaper (no pull ups offered) and if he choose a diaper I would just put it in him slowly. While I was doing that I would tell his teddy bear, the dog, his baby brother, dad, elmo, or whomever was in the room real or stuffed that when he turned three he would not wear diapers anymore. I never said it directly to him. After we had the diaper on we would talk about the birthday and who was coming and his cake and what presents he was hoping for, etc. If he chose underwear I would remind him that he had to use the potty. If he had an accident I would say nothing to him just put a diaper on him and once again explain to the bear the he would not have accidents when he was three. LOL Anyway, it worked, when his birhday was just two days away he started choosing underwear everytime telling me he was almost three. Now that didn't work with ds number two, he just did it when he was ready because he wanted to be like big brother and dd was totally against diapers pretty early, she liked to be clean. ds3 was already trained when we got him.

[Ebadge90]

The problem I have with a lot of the above advice is going to preschool. We have only found one preschool that will take a 3 year old that is not potty trained. And that one, well, lets just leave it at he is no longer going there.
So what should we do when we have no choice but to put him in nursery school, but none will take him until he is trained?

[bmarsicano]

My daughter had no interest in potty training. Her old daycare didn't push her although they said they would train her and I just had to do it at home. Well, she couldn't go there this school year, so she's at the local YMCA. They have a bathroom in the classroom and she was trained in about 2 weeks. She saw all the other kids going and decided to follow. she turned 4 in July. She still has accidents and is not allowed to go swimming if she has one for the week. I think that is an incentive. Nowhere near trained for night.

[Kasey]

I think that is asking alot for 3 yr old to be potty trained for schools!

Are there any day care centers that allow you to go parttime like preschool? Our day care is small, but allows people to go PT, half day, full day whatever and there are not policies about being potty trained.

[vegaschristina]

Originally Posted by Ebadge90

So what should we do when we have no choice but to put him in nursery school, but none will take him until he is trained?

What about a day care? He won't know it's not a "preschool" but you would.