[momraine]

I have worked in pre-schools. The reason most require them to be trained is a liscensing thing. To take kids still in diapers they have to have a seperate daiper changing area and extra rules. Many don't have the funds for that so they just don't take the ones not potty trained. However, the one I worked in we had a few kids who were not really totally trained and wore pull ups. We did do several bathroom trips a day where everyone had to "try" and that cut down on the accidents in the kids who were almost trained. At first when they had an accident we could change them but then an inspector told us we could not. So if the kid could change him or herself we would send them into the bathroom with clean clothes (we required all the parents leave a change of clothes with us) if they could not we would call mom to come and change them. So you might see if some preschools would take a child who wears pull ups and has some accidents.

[angelkisses0102]

Let. It. Go!

DD self daytime trained in two weeks at age 28 months...she has seen the older kids at day care getting trained and decided she wanted to go on the potty as well. She was never interested in the little potty...she wanted to be on the big toilet so we just got her one of those rings. For night time training...DD was about 6.5 years old...and even now at age 7.4 she still has an occasional accident. Perfectly normal according to her pediatric urologist.

DS was almost fully trained at age 2.5...then he had to be hospitalized overnight and that was the end of that. We tried again a few times and finally just gave up at age 3.5. At age 3.8 he decided he was done with diapers/pullups and he was fully trained both day and night...very rarely had accidents. DS was not motivated when we tried the 'Big Boy' routine...in fact that was a disincentive to him. He wanted to 'hang on' to some of his babyhood...and honestly after all he went through as an infant and a toddler, I was fine with it.

Hang in there...

[MamaChinch]

Amy, I am sorry you are having a tough time with this! I really think the range for training is wide and that different things work for different kids and many just like to do things on their own time.
I would keep encouranging her, but don't push it. She just turned three so I don't think a ped would say you should start worrying.
Have you tired just dumping the diapers in the trash? Maybe she just needs closure? :-)
Delaney got big kick out of announcing in the store by the diapers aisle that she didn't need them anymore.....
you never know when it will just click for them....be patient, she's gone on the potty before, she will again!!!

[mcanvasback]

I agree with everyone above who said go with the flow (pun intended )
Isabella had no interest, (she turned 3 on 11/25) then started going peepee at school, because all her little friends were. I finally just took off her diaper last week, (daytime only) and it worked. I'm not saying you should do this, at all, if J is actively resisting, that is ok!! I worried that I wasn't "doing my job" but i know that is so silly. Joanna is strong willed, like Bella - she will do it when she is ready and not a moment before - and I think that will be soon!

[amyfk]

Thank you all for your advice. She is very stubborn about this issue. Next Sept. she is heading to a new school and they have to be potty trained. I pray to the gods that she is by then.
Everyone who knows her is telling her that she is a big girl and needs to use the potty. She keeps telling everyone she likes her pullups
I am so hoping the peer pressure starts to work on her.
Her current preschool doesnt require her to be potty trained but she has to be by next Sept.
Thank you all for your help,
Amy K, NJ

[Theatrenerd]

a couple of ways to tell she is ready is that she will start to kinda hide when she has to go (in her diaper) because she sees the privacy that the rest of the family wants she also may go into the bathroom to do it as for rewards when she is ready my suggestion is still bribary but a little different if you make a poster put whatever you want on it or leave it blank whatever and put it up in the bathroom at her height every time she does anything on the potty you give her a sticker you can even give her 2 for #2's and 1 for #1's or whatever or another bribary tool my girlfriend used was putting a clear glass jar on the counter and every time her son used the potty he got a penny after it seemed to be all over they exchanged them for quarters for the rides in the mall but you can obviously do whatever with them.

[heikewould]

Go with the Flow...
It's parents, schools and "others" that want kids to be potty trained. I found myself feeling like I had to stick up for Samantha, when I knew she would go when she's ready. Samantha didn't start peeing in the potty until 3.5 years old (but got it right away - no accidents) and just now over the Christmas break decided to go poo-poo also. (4.5 yrs. old no accidents- three weeks and counting!), she still is about 50/50 at night. Still wears a pull-up at night. She has a mind of her own and always has and I think she knew this was about total control!!

Don't worry, by the time kindergarten starts she will be!

[sak9645]

I get really mad about the places that require potty training by 2.5, or 3, or even 4.

I know all about state laws. I still hate it that kids below the age of kindergarten are subject to such pressure.

Kids will potty train if they are in a situation where they are not pressured, where they see other children using the toilet, and where they are taught to value independence and self-reliance.

How do you expect a child to take responsibility for toileting if he/she has never learned to put on his/her own clothes or to put his/her toys away in the right place after he/she plays with them?

How do you expect a child to take responsibility for toileting if he/she is allowed to sit around whining when he/she can't do something, instead of figuring it out or using his/her words (or even signs) to ask for specific help?

Interestingly, my daughter had zero interest in either potty training or dressing herself before she started at a preschool where the entire curriculum focused on developing self-reliance. Within two weeks, she demanded her underwear and said she'd be dry by day -- and she was! And very soon thereafter, she was one of the fastest dressers in the class!

I attribute part of the potty training to the fact that she was in a setting with a unisex bathroom containing toilets, potties, urinals, and a changing table, and the kids could use whatever they wanted, even if they were four years old when they started there. Every day, they observed kids using the toilets and urinals, and every one of them, even the boys, trained quickly.

But I also attribute part of the potty training to the fact that I had been so focused on attachment, that I forgot all about the importance of teaching kids to be self-reliant, within the limits of their age and maturity. Once Becca was getting the message that independence and self-reliance were valuable, she moved quickly in that direction. And the two areas where it was easiest for a preschooler to use independence and self-reliance were, of course, dressing and toileting.

At 13, my daughter is still a very self-reliant and independent kid, and is far more "responsible" than many of her peers. She takes full charge of cleaning her room, doing her laundry, and managing her homework. She shares dog walking and feeding chores with me on an "equals" basis. She keeps an appointment calendar so she knows when she is supposed to go to Bat Mitzvahs or sleepovers, and is expected to let me know in sufficient time if we need to buy a gift or something. She can prepare simple meals for herself. She looks at the price tag (at least most of the time), before asking me to buy her something.

This has not really hurt attachment any. Just because she doesn't "need" me for everything does not mean that she is not attached. She is an affectionate, warm-hearted girl, who is much loved by her friends (and their parents). She is a great daughter, and I believe that our relationship is a good one.

Sharon

[amyfk]

Thank you all for your insight. My only concern is the school she starts next Sept. expects her to be fully potty trained. The one she currently is in does not. Maybe Ill worry about it over the summer.
Amy K, NJ

[mcanvasback]

Amy, I really thingk she will be trained by Sept. Don't worry - and might I add - be careful what you wish for!

I cannot imagine how a 33 lb person can go to the bathroom as much as my little girl! And she really goes!
All the time, wherever we are, she wants to go potty!
(Really fun for me, the germophobe )

I am hoping the novelty wears off - she doesn't even eat that much! Where is this coming from?

[sak9645]

Most kids, newly trained, want to check out every bathroom in town.

Your daughter is like me, since I have a very small bladder and have always needed to visit the bathroom more often than most people. My mother got so concerned that she had me tested for a bladder or kidney problem, but the tests proved only that my bladder was on the small side -- and that I was very allergic to the dye used for testing.

Frankly, I'm pretty relaxed about bathrooms. Unless they are totally disgusting, I don't make a big issue about them.

Sharon

[april*rain]

Amy,

Our son wasn't potty trained until he was four and is still not dry thru the night. I was hearing it from the grandmothers, friends, etc. about how he wasn't yet trained. Our pediatrician was wonderful. She said, quite simply, "He will potty train when HE is ready. Allow him the dignity of deciding when he is ready. " And she was right. I told everyone to back off, and, poof - one day he just woke up and was trained (day). He was almost four at the time. Honestly, there is nothing you can do to make her ready. We did offer Ethan stickers, etc. once he went on the potty just to keep the momentum going, but nothing was going to get the process started until HE was ready.

Relax about it, and so will she. I know it's hard, but you have to let her get there on her timeframe. Good luck!

[amyfk]

Thank you all so much. This issue was driving me nuts! I will back off and let her take the lead.
Amy K, NJ