[LisaU123]

I am new to all of this and I know I am getting way ahead of myself as I am in the very early stages. But I am told they will try to move quickly with this as I have expressed interest in a child they want to place asap with special needs.
When you go on your first visit how many times do you get to see the child? Is it only once during your trip?

If anyone has adopted a child with a mobility impairment do the kids usually have a wheelchair there to bring them home? Or is that something you arrange for. This little girl has cp that leaves her unable to use her legs.

Does the child get to keep the toys and stuff you bring for her there? Do you get to take pictures and video during that initial visit?

Is there a translator there and can you talk to the director or her doctors about her needs?

Thanks in advance. Just trying to prepare way ahead of time!

[votemom]

1. the number and length of your visits is different for the various regions and baby homes. it's my understanding that the director of the baby home calls the shots on this. some parents have generous visits, and others, quite limited.

2. your child MAY end up keeping what you bring. but then again, they may not. if your child is one of the "favorites", it's probable that they will keep them. again, this varies. each baby home seems to have it's own unique climate when it comes to the adoptive parent(s).

3. i have never heard of an adoptive parent not being able to take pics and video. take way more than you think you will ever want. especially video. this will be a precious treasure to your child years from now.

4. you will always have a translator with you. this is part of what you pay your agency for. if you travel with someone from home, and if you are granted permission, i recommend videotaping all the Q&A sessions you have with the various people at the baby home (i.e. social workers, doctors, caregivers, lawyers, etc.)

it's never too early to start educating and preparing yourself. i'm so excited for this little ! and for you of course too.

[beckyww]

None of the toys or clothes or the photo book or handmade blanket we left for Julia on trip #1 were in evidence on trip #2.

We got to see Julia every day we were in St. Pete on trip #2. It's at the director's discretion, of course.

We were told she could take exactly nothing from the orphanage. I don't know for sure, but I wouldn't bet on your DD taking a wheelchair out of there. I've heard of catfights over underwear, and that's a lot less expensive than durable medical equipment.

She won't be on your insurance until you adopt her. You might want to consider taking a stroller to use. Way cheaper than a wheelchair.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[kretzklan]

The visits do vary greatly...on trip one we had a LOT of time with the kids (which we lost to a family member) - on trip 2 (for new kiddos) we had very little time. The translator is so valuable - be sure to give her/him a list of all the questions you want asked of the director/doctor...that way she can be prepared and hopefully get all your answers! My children were allowed to take nothing (as Becky mentioned) at all from the orphanage, on trip 2 we kept all the stuff we brough of importance with us, but 'donated' toys and other small items to the home.

[momraine]

With my daughter we also got absolutly nothing, not even a diaper. (she was young) The doctors knew very little about her medical condition, so though we asked a lot of questions, we got very little information. You will probably not get to keep her wheelchair even if she has one. Many disabled children in Russian orphanages do not have them. Also even if they would let you take it, it really could do more good staying behind for another child who is not getting adopted. You may be able to talk to the medical supplier on your insurance and get a loaner chair, though it will probably be easier to just use a stroller. Also if she is small enough consider a back pack, as nothing is wheelchair accesable so you will be carrying her a lot. Also let your airlines know that you have a child in a wheelchair with you, that can get you some extra help getting through customs and stuff and not every airport is accessable. You are in for a fun education about just how many things are not accesable. As for insurance you will want to make as many arrangements as you can ahead of time. We spoke to my husbands HR person at his work and had the paperwork ready so that all we had to do was send her an e-mail after court and when we got home our son was covered and we were able to get him in to doctors right away. We did not have the card right away but the doctor was really good about waiting for that since the insurance company had him on the computer already. (thanks to our HR person sending in the info the day we had court) Just like when a child is born to you, they cover them retroacivly to the day they were adopted, so though it's a pain, you can get that first visit covered. Also finding out the name of the company that your insurance will use locally for wheelchairs will ensure you can get an appointment made ahead of time for soon after you are home. It takes a while for the actual chair to come in though, but many places will give you a loaner to use while you wait.

[Bcelli]

Our second son traveled from his orphanage to our hotel by car - with another child being adopted by a single mom - and he brought with him a small book that he seemed fascinated with on our last visit to the home. We were expected to change his clothing and return what he was wearing to the Adoption Center the next day. He arrived after 9 p.m. We kept the book, but went to the pedestrian mall the next day and bought 10 to replace it and made sure we explained the situation to the poeple at the adoption center so they would know what was going on. They were perfectly happy of course. One small, beat up, chewed up book for 10 brand new ones - sounds good. We had left a bear for our son on the first visit and picked it up from the playroom on one of our visits with him at the orphanage. We didn't ask if we could take it, we just did. It was his. Our first son came with barely his dignity. We kept nothing - not even a diaper. I would not expect anything and then if she gets to keep something, it's a bonus. A sturdy stroller might work just as well as a wheelchair and be much less bulky on a long trip. You might, though, consider some comfortable padding for her - a good cushion or pillow - if she is unable to move her legs because she likely wouldn't be able to adjust herself for comfort. God bless.

[proudmommyof 2]

Most of the time, with Russian adoptions, you won't even be able to keep the diaper they are wearing on the day you bring them home. Take lots of pictures on your own-they may be your own memories.

As far as mobility impairments-my Claire was 4 when I fell in love with her picture. She's almost 6 now. She has cp-spastic quadriplegia, and still doesn't walk. She gets PT, OT, etc., and has recently had Botox injections. She may walk some day without crutches, she may not. Anyway, since you will be a single parent, here would be the things I would worry about beyond attachment and the regular concerns of 2-parent families:

Therapies-scheduling. She will probably qualify for Early Intervention, and get services (including busing)through your local school district for free.

Specialists-scheduling-will eat up all of your personal and sick days at work. This includes evaluation for private therapies and school services. She'll also need to be seen by a neurologist or a cp clinic if you're near a big city.

The good news:
She'll (probably) qualify for medical assistance, which will pay for any and all therapies/copays/and equipment that your insurance won't cover.

As far as the trip home, I went to Korea myself for Claire. She didn't have any kind of mobility equipment. I took and umbrelly stroller which I used sometimes. However, Claire was small (27 lbs. -I bet your little one is tinier, being from Russia). I found it easiest to transport her around Korea and the airports using a hip sling/Snugli type of contraction from Target. You need to do some kind of weight training beforehand, because it's harder than you think (I carried Tommy around the house for small amounts of time before leaving for Korea ). Take aspirin, but you'll be able to handle it.

As soon as you get her home, get her signed up for EI services, and get her on medical assistance. The equipment takes a while. A stroller will be fine for now-Claire is almost 6, and we're only now moving to a wheelchair stroller out of a stroller.


Best of luck. What I can tell you is that I knew that she was mine, and now that she's home-there's no doubt she was!

[proudmommyof 2]

Here's a picture from this past summer of Claire on the beach. She uses crutches around the house, but is a lot slower on them.

No regrets---just a sore back. She is the sweetest little girl in the world.

[LisaU123]

Thank you for all your help. I luck out with work, I work from home and basically set my own hours so as for dr appointment and things I will be ok. They are very supportive about this decision and as long as I get everything done it will work out.
I will probably do that with the sling. This is all of course if I get her!
Claire is absolutely beatuiful. Does she talk? It sounds like she may have the same kind of cp that my little one has. If she walks then great....of not that is ok too. I will get her all the therapy and things she needs though. At least Claire is getting around with crutches and a walker! Thats great! I am guessing she wasn't before she got home?

[proudmommyof 2]

Hi again!

Does Claire talk? She doesn't stop talking!

After almost two years home, she's ready to start Kindergarten (we held her back this year-our choice). She can understand everything you say, carry on a conversation with you...she still makes grammatical errors, like (I hungry or You come with me?), but she certainly talks.

I also forgot to mention that, in my opinion, having to carry Claire around was a huge help with attachment. Most 3 year olds who can walk want to get down and explore, but Claire was held by me more than any 4 year old would allow herself to be. In fact, I used the hip sling around the house sometimes to free up my hand for other things. I really think that that moved our attachment along much quicker than it would have otherwise.

I've found that having kids with special needs isn't really that much harder than typically developing kids. I worry about their future a lot, but I would anyway. So we go to therapy often. If not therapy, I'm sure we'd be busy with ballet or gymnastics or something anyway. If you are in a good school systme, your kids will get what they need academically-just stay on top of everything.

A handicapped parking placard is nice, too.

Keep us posted!

[momraine]

I have to second that on the attachment issue. I adopted two kids with mobility issues. I think it helped me with both to have to carry them so much. My son does have RAD, but I think his pysical issues really helped him by forcing him to have to accept me carrying him and stuff. The physical stuff is not nearly the big deal the emotional stuff has been. Mine are both amputees (birth defects) so I can't address the CP stuff, but I do have one who uses a wheelchair full time and another who uses prosthetic legs most of the time, but sometimes either has or still does use walkers, crutches and wheelchairs. Another good idea is to find a support group of parents with kids with similar issues, they trade lots of advice and in the case of amputees clothes that have been adapted and sometimes wheelchairs. For my daughter we went to a wheelchair fairly early because she had chaffed under being left out in the orphanage even though she was just a baby. She is just naturally indipendant. She also hates being talked down to. In a stroller people treated her more like a baby than in a wheelchair, also you can take a wheelchair places where you can't take a stroller. She was three when she got her first chair. Now sometimes she still gets talked down to and it drives her nuts. She also hates the stares she gets when she is in a chair. My son on the other hand kind of likes being babies and loves the attention he gets in his wheelchair. (he loves attention of any kind)

[GCS]

A three year old will be small and light and probably pretty easy for you cart around. Carrying her around will greatly help you start with your attachment work. There are slings for carting around toddlers. You might want to look into one.

We got nothing but two naked kids at pick up. We knew to expect this so we were well prepared. None of the items we left were around that we could see. But our oldest, who was 3 years at adoption very much remembered all the items we gave him during our visits. We had something new for him everyday we saw him.

We were very lucky to visit with our children everyday for about 1.5 hours. We were there for 6 days trip one. We got custody of the kids right after court trip two so be sure to ask your facilitator about what you need trip two for your child and when the child is left in your care - some people do not get custody of the child during the 10 day wait. I always recommend that people get the email address of the facilitator so you can send questions between trips if needed. I know many agencies frown on this, but I would still ask.

We did leave a disposable camera with the director trip one. That was given back to us and although it was a bit hard to look at those pictures (our boy looked miserable in almost all of them) we are very happy to have them now.

All the best!
Christina

[Jessi_76]

Hi Lisa!!

Welcome, and good luck! I think the answers will all vary depending on what region you go to, and probably to what agency you are using.

That said, I will share with you our experience.

1) Much to our disappointment we only got to see our children one time on the first visit, BUT that was because our orphanage was REALLY rural and remote - a 6 hour drive each way outside of the city we were staying in.

2) Both of our children came home with everything we left for them. We did not leave clothes, but a photo book, a blanket and a stuffed animal for each as well as a disposable camera for each (which returned priceless photos of our 2 months without them). We slept with the blankets and stuffed animals for a couple of months before going so they would smell like us. I truly believe this helped them remember us when we went back for trip 2.

3) We were able to take MANY pictures and video during our first visit. We would have taken even more had we known we wouldn't be going back for a second visit. Long story.

4) Yes. The director of the orphanage spent a LOT of time with us -- on all three trips -- answering a zillion questions. The translator and our facilitator/coordinator were present. We took many notes and they were very kind, honest, and patient. From another family who we traveled with using a different ageny, I learned this is not always the case though. They did not get to sit down with the orphanage director at all, and their translator was all business...ours was AMAZING!!! They actually told us they were jealous, which made our translator very happy.

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU!!!!! What a marvelous journey.


3)

[LisaU123]

The agency sent me the video of the little girl. She is absolutely beautiful. The video is 2 years old though. I had a friend who works with kids with CP look at the video. I am trying to figure out if her medicals are pretty accurate or not. She said it looks to her like she has good control of both hands/arms. She favors the right hand but she said it could just be that she is right handed because she is grasping with the left also. She also said she has a slight thing with her tongue but she said it could just be for those couple minutes the way she is or she said it could be because these kids usually have very little therapy if any. So I am thinking it is going to be a go! The agency is trying to get me an updated medical on her since all the info is about 2 years old.

[MamaChinch]

Wow, how exciting! Yes, a lot will depend on the region and your agency.
We got to spend three days and about 2-3 each visit with the kids.
I got almost everything back I left for her even though I did not expect it. I slept with the blanket and stuffed toys, also. She still loves to sleep with my pillow becasue she likes how it smells.
The disposable camera had all pics taken,they are great to have.
The birth grandmother had come to see her between my two trips and gave her a stuffed green hippo that sings and we have that. I did not change her diaper and they had some panties on over the diaper ~ don't knwo why ~ but I thought it was the design on the diaper. When I changed her at the hotel I noticed the panties, so I have them saved! So she came with a pair of panties and a hippo and the cross she was wearing from being baptized.
We were NOT allowed to take pictures until we had put in our peitions to adopt. I spent two days with her before I could snap all the photos and take video I could on the last visit.
The director and doctor answered all and as many questions as I could spew out......and on trip two we asked to go back one day before court and our translator called the BH and the director said, "Come on over!" That was cool !!
Good luck with everything, check out the top of the page for thread with info for you!