[amanda_p]

I can not stop thinking about the little girl that we turned down. She is still on the databank. She is 2 yrs old now.

[MichiAmy]

Hey Amanda,

It's Amy from Lighthouse -- I talked to you a bunch earlier this year before I signed up. (Thanks, btw, you were a HUGE help!)

I declined a little boy while on trip #1. This was just in mid-Oct, so he's obviously still on the list. So I can only imagine how it can feel 2 years later. The little girl I signed the petition to adopt is at the same orphange he is at, so I am hoping to bring him something small when I return. He'll always hold a place in my heart - as I feel without him, I would have never met my Little T, who I feel it was just meant to be....

Hope you are well.

Amy

[amanda_p]

Amy I am glad I was able to help you!

I check every month. The Moscow region is very good about update the databank, so I know she is still there. I feel the same way that I know the little angel we got was the one who was supposed to be with us, but I just wonder how our first referral is doing. One time I was going through the list and I thought for sure she was off, but she ended up being the last one on the last page. I was heart broken.

[MissDaisyofTexas]

HI Amanda--

We turned down 2 referrals when we traveled blind on our first adoption. We also turned down a referral for adoption #2 last week. We still think about all of them. I am encouraged that the 2 we turned down last year don't appear to be on the databank website anymore....hoping they were adopted. The one from last week is still fresh in our minds and we're still grieving. I understand how you feel. Big hugs going out to you and prayers for the little girl.

[MamaChinch]

HUGS! It's it so hard, and I know a few folks who still think of their declined referrals. It's only natural and it shows you care! I had a failed domestic adoption a few years ago and I think about him a lot. He ended up staying with the mother, but I think still about him. I saw him when he was one month old, and I have that image of him in my mind.

[angelkisses0102]

We turned down a 13 month old little girl in January 2002...I can still see her face almost seven years later. The agency was certain she would be accepted by the next family and I am certain she was...but I still picture baby Veda to this day (although baby Veda is older than DD.)

It is perfectly normal to remember them...and it has to be worse for you to actually see her still on the registry...there was no registry way back in 2002 (thankfully.)

[kretzklan]

It is hard - we lost two referals to a family placement after meeting them...and yes, we still think about them. I "celebrate" their birthdays each year with a prayer and a wish. It's very normal and shows how much you care about all the children that are waiting!

[banaenche]

I can only imagine how you must feel. I am so sorry.

[karenmarq]

We know that the referral that we turned down was adopted by the next family in line at our agency, so that was helpful. I let go of all of the pictures at the time which also helped.

There was a little boy in one of our pictures when we were at the orphanage that touched our hearts. He was older that our DD and I have no idea if he ever got adopted or was even available to be adopted. (Many of the children there had some kind of situation where they were not up for adoption.) But we do wonder what happened to him.

It must be hard for you to keep seeing the child on the registry. Perhaps you shouldn't keep looking?

[mcanvasback]

I know it is hard - because the Kyrgyzstan adoption world is so small my daughter came from the same orphanage as the little girl I turned down and actually I saw her on trip one. Wow - that was really hard. I am so lucky to find out she had been accepted by another family and I followed their progress via our Yahoo group and was also able to give her forever family pics of her as a tiny baby which they would not have otherwise had- unfortunately it took 1.5 years for them to get her home but she did finally get there and I still follow her progress via blog. I was one of the lucky ones but it haunted me for so long before I found out she was ok....I know how you feel.

[Catherine N.]

OP, I'm sorry for the agony you're feeling. The fact that you care so much says a lot about the kind of person you are and parent you must be. Positive stuff that is. I hope that her photo is soon gone from the databank and in some AP's Gotacha Day album.

Originally Posted by starlight1125

I am so lucky to find out she had been accepted by another family

^ +1 Declined our first referral. But I know that he was adopted by another family. We feel the same way as you.

[mcanvasback]

Originally Posted by Catherine N.

^ +1 Declined our first referral. But I know that he was adopted by another family. We feel the same way as you.

Oh my! You must be Nungesser's DW? I feel like I know you, after hearing about you and seeing your pics/videos for so long! You should know, I am negotiating with your DH an arranged marriage between my Bella and AB, she is quite smitten with him!

Not to digress - but another touching story - again, Kyrgyzstan being such a small community with only two orphanages in the whole country participating in IA - my friend received a referral of a beautiful little girl who was blind in one eye - she shared with me and we agonized over this sad little picture. She was advised by an IA doc that the baby would be totally blind eventually. As a single mother, she did not feel prepared so turned her down. We didn't think she would be adopted, and the thought of her growing up blind in the orphanage was just to much to take. Well, we found out she was accepted by another family and I ran across her blog just the other day. She has been home over a year, and received great medical treatment. I cannot tell you how I felt, I was in happy tears looking at the pics of this beautiful, healthy little girl with one prosthetic eye and perfect vision in the other living a wonderful, 'normal' life..
So - Amanda - I think someone will accept your little girl eventually! Don't give up hope.

[lakimnafite]

I lost a referral a few years ago after meeting her and waiting months for court, and I also turned down a referral in Russia during trip 1. This was in addition to turning down a number of referrals on paper. In both cases, those girls are still on the database.

In my case, I am glad to see little Olya back on the database! After being off for years due to her HIV status, it appears she is again considered available for adoption. I hope someone adopts her!

As for the little one that we turned down.. We waited a year to meet her, only to find that her needs were beyond what we felt we could handle. I do hope that she finds a forever family one day, but I also feel that her referral is what got us to wait a year for our daughter to be born and get old enough to come off the registry. Allie was born a month after we accepted the little girl we turned down. She came off the registry the week before we arrived in the region.

I will always care about and think about these little girls, but I know they were not my daughters and I do not feel bad about our decisions. I am a huge believer in things happening exactly the way they are supposed to and they weren't supposed to be mine - and it's okay.

I hope you feel okay and don't ever feel bad about your decision.

[Catherine N.]

Originally Posted by starlight1125

Oh my! You must be Nungesser's DW? I feel like I know you, after hearing about you and seeing your pics/videos for so long! You should know, I am negotiating with your DH an arranged marriage between my Bella and AB, she is quite smitten with him!

Not to digress - but another touching story - again, Kyrgyzstan being such a small community with only two orphanages in the whole country participating in IA - my friend received a referral of a beautiful little girl who was blind in one eye - she shared with me and we agonized over this sad little picture. She was advised by an IA doc that the baby would be totally blind eventually. As a single mother, she did not feel prepared so turned her down. We didn't think she would be adopted, and the thought of her growing up blind in the orphanage was just to much to take. Well, we found out she was accepted by another family and I ran across her blog just the other day. She has been home over a year, and received great medical treatment. I cannot tell you how I felt, I was in happy tears looking at the pics of this beautiful, healthy little girl with one prosthetic eye and perfect vision in the other living a wonderful, 'normal' life..
So - Amanda - I think someone will accept your little girl eventually! Don't give up hope.

It's actually me, not my DW. Something happened with myforum profile that changed my user name. I've asked to have it restored.

In the meantime, do you think Bella wil still be intrested if she finds out that her betrothed thinks he's a horse, and at 4.5 years old, still poops in his trousers more frequently than I'd like becuase he refuses to pause the Backyardigans and doesn't start to the bathroom soon enough? What part of get there before you have a turtle head poppin' out do you not understand?!

[Catherine N.]

OP, BTW, it may be different in your region, but AB'd been sleeping in a crib in the room next to mine for at least six months before his profile and photo came off the databank. I'm actually lucky it was up there for so long. It gave me a chance to download his photo before the MoE removed it. It's the earliest photo we have of him by far. DW's had it framed on her nightstand ever since. Perhaps someone's doing the same for that little girl too?