[kretzklan]

My parents and grandparents joined us here for Thanksgiving. It was a nice time - but I was ready for them to head out. About 3 days is it for us!
My mom is obssessed with the movie Annie. Apparently my neice loves the movie and my mom is her sitter, so they watch it daily. Well, she tried talking to C/D about it. They've never seen it. She continued to tell them the WHOLE story. How mean the orphanage lady is - how she tried to sell Annie, lied about her birth parents. OMG. I finally got them out of the room and she yelled - I promise we'll watch it at Christmas - it's such a fun movie!

Ummmmm....I refuse to fight with her - but am I crazy? It does NOT seem like a fun movie for my kids to watch - they lived crap like that. Plus, the idea that a rich man will come in and "save" your life...I'm not sure that is a message I want my two AD kids to get. They still believe they'll be going elsewhere and both have no stranger danger issues. I can just see them walking up to rich looking men and asking to be taken home.

If I'm nuts - let me know. But, if you think I could be right...what should I say or do to not let them watch it? We'll be there for 3 days - I don't know how to handle it without a huge fight. My parents do not believe in AD and have always had issues with adoption in general...

I know that we could just NOT go home for Christmas - but that isn't an option at this point!
http://adoptionthreads.com/forum/The...ify_inline.gif

[crick]

I promised myself...

Don't go for Christmas...seriously. If your parents do not "believe" in AD, then the whole visit will be you trying to prevent further damage they will do and since you'll be out of your home element, the kids will take advantage of that and others around them to manipulate and charm.

There...said it...

Annie movie - I haven't even let my dd watch this one yet because I just know she'll have some issues with it. I think on this one, all you can really do is listen to your gut and go with that. Unless you feel that they would see you and dh similar to the Daddy Warbucks character (permanency/family etc.) and it might "cement" things for them, go with your gut on this one.

[Jessi_76]

Yikes! Definitely a toughie...I just wanted to wish you the best in working this out. The best I could suggest is trying to calmly talk to your mom...I know how this can be easier said than done (my mom gets very offended and defensive when I try to ask her not to do things with our children).

[GCS]

I hope it doesn't have to come to not going home over this. Not that I think the kids should watch Annie. Lord knows we won't. But I think you should be able to talk to your SIL in advance and make it very clear that how inappropriate this is. And that frankly SIL's behavior/attitude is offensive.

I think the conversation should not be so much about whether your family believes in AD - since you won't be able to convince them of that, but that you are the parent and this is your wish. We do not watch this movie, we do not discuss this movie. End of story. You are their parents and you make this choice for them. If they don't understand this then you won't have much of a choice but to not attend family events. Hopefully they have enough respect for you and your knowledge as to what it best for your children to be respectful.

Good luck! And yikes - I would have been shooting daggers at that lady!

[MamaChinch]

I agree with Christina, whether or not for AD reasons, because it's an "R" rated, becuase you don't like the violence...etc....you have the right to decide which movies your kids will watch, period. And you do not want your children to see this movie.
I would tell her you do not wish for them to see this movie when you are there, and if she refuses, then you have to make the decision if you go or not. It's difficult, but your children are first and foremost right now and you are dealing with enough as a family and have been working very hard.
I took this movie out my house, too! My neighbor gave me a bunch of videos as her kids are older and Annie was in the box. Stupid me, didn't even think about it, and thought, "oh, kids, music...she will like it!" And she did!! Then I sat down one day and watched it with her and realized..."oh crap, we can't keep watchng this." At least this was last year when she was two and she has not yet asked any questions, but even with no AD issues I decided she will not watch this movie, as have other APs on this board. You can tell your mother that other parents also don't allow this movie...well, for what it's worth...
Good luck with allof this, family can be quite a bear sometimes!

[mcanvasback]

This is really tough. I agree that you have to go, but also it is your right to say what your kids watch and it would be really great if she would understand why - AD or not - they are older and they spent years in an orphanage - and they were old enough so that they remember! How can she not get that?

My Mom is so stubborn too but if I approach it from the angle that it will hurt my child then she goes all soft. Maybe she has not thought of it from that point of view? I don't know, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt!

[momraine]

One thing we did for that one because DD loves musicals and I did not want ds to see it yet, but knew he would come in - We fast forwarded throught the "boring" parts and just watched the songs. Then when we were with cousins ds told her he had already seen it and didn't want to see it. He had not seen the whole thing, but it was enough for him.
Another suggestion, this might be a christmas for you to stock up on movies for your kids. (you can get good deals on previously veiwed ones at rental stores and some stores that sell used video games or ebay)
Then your kids will be begging grandma to let them watch thier new videos (ones you picked out, though she will likely buy them Annie as well) and you might not have time for Annie!

[votemom]

1. you don't HAVE to go.
2. you don't HAVE to go.
3. you don't HAVE to go.

(smile)

your kids are still in the trenches with attachment stuff. unless this trip will help them, i'd reconsider.

if something isn't helping.... it's hurting.

is it really worth it?

[mommyto4]

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Your kiddos are most important, don't feel guilty!
Ditto Ditto... what votemom said

[jenbmom]

What votemom said!

Sorry you are dealing with this. I must be the only person who didn't like Annie - I saw the movie as a teenager and didn't get why it was/is so popular. I found it pretty depressing, and that was long before we decided to adopt from another country. I'm probably a lot less hip than I want to be

Since your children are still healing, you should do whatever is right for them, and as their mom you know best. Good luck and Merry Christmas!

[votemom]

i'm feeling bad about my forceful post.

i know extended family, especially parents, can be a very complicated dynamic. i'm living it right now.

i hope you and your husband can make the very best decision for your family and that you'll have peace about it.

sending a hug.

[Bcelli]

OK. This is sticky. And no you're not crazy.

Do you have an advocate where you will be who could help this particular film disappear over the holidays?

I like the idea about bringing a bunch of new movies that might push one already seen by others to the end of the line.

Not going is certainly an option you shouldn't take off the table, but that can cause a whole new bunch of problems, too. Is there a plausible excuse you could use this year for not going? By next year, I'm sure the fascination will have waned.

Some parents do not want to hear their children telling them anything about how to raise children - regardless of whether you're talking about your own children - because they feel they have "been there, done that." But your mother has not "been there, done that" in this case and if there is a way to communicate that to her so she will listen, please try. It might open a new door in your relationship.

But the bottom line is that you have to do what is best for your children and your immediate family. And sometimes what is best is not easy. I hope an option presents itself where everyone wins. Good luck.

[kretzklan]

My DH has decided to play the role of NO man. He's a very quiet guy and usually doesn't get too involved in my mother issues (and there are a lot). However, he said that he'll just step in and say Nope, we are not watching that movie. We did "alter" our trip in a way and got a rental car and hotel room nearby - so we aren't stuck at my parent's house - we'll be able to actually "escape" if the need arises! I will be taking "new" musicals for my niece to enjoy (her bday is 12/30 - so we'll take them as gifts) and hopefully that will ward off the whole Annie attack!

[votemom]

sounds like a GREAT plan kretz. i'm thankful that you've got a plan and i really hope your time with your mom isn't too stressful.

[momraine]

Hey my son has the same birthday! My second son turns 14 on Dec. 30