[KidsRGreat]

I have two kids who we adopted from Russia at the same time. They are virtual twins -- our son was 15 months and our daughter was 13 months old when we adopted them. They are now 4 1/2, and kindergarten is on the horizon for next year. They go to preschool 5 mornings a week right now, and are doing well. I feel our son (who is the older of the two) is a little immature socially. He's a sweet kid, but not real confident with his peers. He also seems to have some trouble learning and remembering his letters and their sounds, and has difficulty writing letters and drawing more than scribbles. He is very gifted athletically -- can ride a bike without training wheels, can swim well, and is very strong. Our daughter, who is the younger of the two, is very social, and bright. She's light years ahead of our son with letters and writing. But she does struggle still with some separation anxiety, a little more than I see in her peers. She's physically on the small side, and overall I think she acts younger than she is.

So on to my questions.... Have any of you waited to send your children to Kindergarten until they were 6? Or repeated Kindergarten? Any thoughts on the pluses and minuses of holding them back a year? We're thinking it might benefit our kids to be a little older then their peers. After all, it wasn't until they were 15 and 13 months old before they'd heard English for the first time, or even learned to be part of a family for that matter. Our son's birthday is at the end of February, and our daughter's birthday is at the beginning of May, so both are sort of in the middle of their class age-wise. I'd really appreciate any thoughts and insights. Thank you!!!

[Kasey]

From my experience with children, it seems that if you have a concern on where they stand, it is better to hold them back or just do two years of kindergarten.
We have talked about it as our 4 1/2 yr old is a March bday, but he has really done well the last few months and will get assessed for kindergarten in January. Our initial plan was to keep him at the kindergarten at his current school (infants to K) and then he could move to the kindergarten at the public school. The past couple months really made a difference, I think he will be ready.

I know several children who were held and are now doing great (3-4 graders currently). It made a big difference for them to have that extra time to get ready developmentally and emotionally.

You know your children best, does their current school do pre kindergarten assessments to give you their opinion?

Best wishes I know it can be a difficult decision!

[Blessed2x.]

I am a teacher and we often recommend waiting a year to start as long as you have a good preschool program to continue with. And I do know families that do kindergarten at a private school and then do a second year at a public school. Good luck!

[Bcelli]

With our older son, May birthday, adopted at 5.5 months, we started him at 5. He was very tiny (3T clothes), but also very mature. The size thing hasn't improved much over the years - now in 5th grade and wearing 7-8 sizes - but he's quite popular and has been on the honor roll his entire school career. No. 2 son was adopted at 30 months and also started kindergarten at 5, turning 6 in November. He had a good, but trying K year but once diagnosed with adhd and prescribed good meds, 1st grade is now a breeze. Also honor roll student with a little better GPA than No.1 son. While just a bit smaller than his brother is now, he was not as mature when he started kindergarten, but is probably the most articulate in his class. You are the best judge as to what is best for your children. Personally, I think holding a child back for social maturity issues can backfire because if they have already mastered the academics, you run the risk of boring them and souring their outlook on school. And if they are socially immature, keeping them with younger children will not do much to provide them with a more mature social interaction because they will be surrounded by kids who are naturally younger and likely less mature. There is also the self-esteem issue with holding a kid back in school for other than academic reasons. DH is 45 and still sees himself as a kid who got held back in kindergarten because his mother didn't think he was mature enough. I am sure others have had different experiences and hold other points of view. Those I have talked to whose children have repeated a grade for whatever reason mostly swear it was the best situation for their child. But when the conversation gets below the surface, I also hear many regrets their kids are not progressing with their original peer group from the neighborhood. It's a tough call and multi-faceted situation. You have to do what is best for each individual child.

[MominPA]

My oldest son came home at 18 months. He started kindergarten when he was 4 since his birthday is in mid October. He was one of the youngest in his class and did fine although he was a little emotionally immature then some of his peers.

We moved that summer to a different state and the school district had a cutoff age for kindergarten and first grade which was October 1st, therefore making him repeat kindergarten. OMG what a crazy year that was. He was so angry that he was in kindergarten again and acted out in class since he was bored. Things calmed down in first grade, mostly because the teacher saw how adavanced he was and was preparing special lessons for him.

He went into kindergarten the first time already knowing all his letters and sounds since he attended a great full time pre-k program.

I would have preferred him to start first grade when we moved instead of repeating kindergarten. Unfortunatley he got labeled by his kindergarten teacher and it has been hard to undo.

I now have a 5 year old in kindergarten whom attended the school's half day pre-k program. He was adpoted at 3.4 years and his birthday is in February. Acedemicially he surpasses his peers. Emotionally he is below them. He is going to do fine in kindergarten and that is not my concern. My concern is first grade. I discussed this with his teacher and she agrees. He is a charmer and can easily charm his teachers due to his great personality. This in my opinion is making them miss things that he is doing or overlooking what he does.

We are going to wait and see what we are going to do at the end of the school year. However, I feel we are going to put him in first grade so he won't be bored with the work and maybe he might mature between now and then.

[votemom]

we have "virtual" twins too - our girls are six days apart.

their birthdays are in early august, and they will not be starting kindergarten until they have already turned six.

i have 3 older kids (now 22, 18 & 14) and this is a very easy decision having gone thru this with them.

reasons:

1. more time at home with mama - since they didn't have one for the first 23 months of their lives. this is truly a gift.
2. they are so close in age we aren't considering having them end up in different grades... so we want to make sure they both have the advantage of being on the older end of things.
3. we held back our autumn first-born (bio) child and it was the best thing we could have done long-term. you can't just think about kindergarten... you have to look ahead to middle school and high school. in high school, it's very possible and probable that your child will be in classes with much older kids. for example, a young freshman (age 13) could be in a class with an old junior (age 17 or 18).

good luck as you process and make the decision that is best for your kids!

[Drazil]

DS came home at 18 months (4.5 years ago) and will turn 6 on December 10th. He started kindergarten full time this year at the end of August (missed the cutoff last year for 5 yrs old). He was in a part time preschool last year and was one of the oldest in the group. Up until that point he had been home with me and I have always done work books and school work with him as part of our normal routine since he turned 2 yrs old. He is ahead of the rest of the class now (he reads at a 2nd grade level, writes and spells and does addition and substraction) and they have started to send him to an advanced reading class (he changes class rooms for the last 45 minutes of each day). He already gets bored with the regular routine of kindergarten and waiting for the others to finish. He is in public school at this point but we are revisiting that and he may go to private school next year because he will need the extra challenge by then for sure. If he had been in kindergarten last year we feel it would have been a much better fit for him as he would have been more on par with the rest of the class. So for my kid it would have been much more appropriate for him to go to kindergarten last year as he is a little more mature and advanced in academics than his peers at this point. Just a different take and the bottom line is it will depend on the child. Good Luck!

[angelkisses0102]

DD was adopted at 10 almost 11 months old...she has always been very bright, very advanced, but a bit immature. She has an early August b-day with a September 1st cutoff. She started kindy less than two weeks after she turned 5. HUGE mistake...I so wish we would have held her back due to the social/emotional struggles she had in Kindy and 1st grade. Plus she is very petite...and with being one of, if not, the youngest child on top of being so tiny...makes it tougher for her. She was also just dx'ed with ADHD, so that may play a role in it as well...but if we had to do it over again...she would have started school two weeks after turning 6. She has compensated for her struggles fine due to being so smart...and she still performs at or above grade level in the tough academic program she is in. We can't wait to see how well she does now with her ADHD being treated.

DS (adopted at 8 months old) turned 5 in July and started kindy...however that is due to his IEP...he had to be in the age appropriate classroom and could not be in the SN pre-k any longer. DS has developmental delays and speech issues...but the psychologist and his teacher do not see him struggling academically other than his sensory issues and potential ADHD. In other words he is of normal intelligence....but just can't be in a typical classroom setting..yet. That being said...we will hold him back in Kindy again next year...due to his social immaturity and late birthday. Although he is quite popular and is settling in nicely...I feel it is in his best interests. Also, he is in a multiage classroom setting (as is DD) so he is exposed to K/1 grade level materials....and would be spending two years with this teacher anyway...we may just push it out to three...if he stays in the program that long.

If you are questioning it...I personally would hold them back. I am a bit uncomfortable about what holding DS back may do to his self-esteem...but we will spin it in his favor.
One other area to look at is the teacher...DD would have had a different experience in Kindy had she not had the teacher that was ready to retire...last year's teacher was 100% better and this years teacher is perfect for DD. Things this year could have been a mess had she ended up with a different teacher. DS's teacher this year in an angel...I love her and again she is perfect for my child. Teachers can make or break any child.

Good luck!

[LeighM]

I have a son who is now 14 and I wish I had held him back in Kindergarten. He is adhd (didn't diagnose tell third grade)and is inmature for his age. I think the extra year would have been much better for him. He also hates school because he struggles. Again another reason we should have held him back

Now I have a daughter we adopted that started K this year. She turned 6 after the school year started. WOW what a difference between the two kids. S is also adhd but diagnosed at the age of 5. She loves school and is reading and spelling like crazy already.

So as you see I have both ends of the spectrum. Personally looking back if I had to do it all over again I would have held him back. Starting school at an older age is not as bad as struggling every year.

[momraine]

I have four kids. The first had a May birthday. He was totally bored in pre-K. He taught himself how to read early. He started K as soon as he could. He is now in tenth and though he is the youngest in his class, he is doing great.
Son number two, started early in K (we were in a private school system and he was tested at the end of K3 and moved up to K5, skipping K4) However we moved during his K5 year (he was doing well) to another state. In this state they would not allow him in K. His birthday is at the end of December, so he is a middle of the year kid. So I kept him home a year. I knew he would be bored going back to preschool. It was actually an awesome year for us. I started out homeschooling but he moved so fast that I decided to focus on what he was interested in. He wanted to learn to cook and garden, so that's what we did. It was awesome for us. Now he is in 8th grade, he is doing very well, he is in 9th grade math and a straight A student. He would have done just as well if he went early. He is more mature than most of the kids in his class. So for him, though he is doing just fine in 8th, he would have done well going early too.
My third kid was born in August. She was adopted at age 10 months. She started when she was the right age. She did fine until this year, fourth grade. She is fine socially but she is struggling academically in reading. I really think there is some un diagnosed learning disability. I will probably end up homeschooling her after Christmas. She would be devestated at this point to be kept back.
I think that looking back she might have benefitted by starting later and doing another year of preschool. However she is sensitive and would always have been bothered to have been kept back in even K. Starting later does not have the same stigma. Lots of kids I know were started later. Some because of social reasons, some academic, and actually one because his dad wanted him to be bigger for football (not a good reason in my opinion)
Anyway, child number four came home at age 6, in November (His second homecoming anniversary is tomorow!) He could have started in first grade, but I put him in K. Because of the move there was no stigma. he is the oldest in his class. He is in second now and he is getting good grades. He also has a diagnosis of RAD, so that interferes with some of his social skills, but the ones it does not interfere with are on par. He is also very, very small for his age, so he fits in just fine. It was definately best for him.
So I guess, that my opinion is that every kid is different. I also think it's much less damaging to keep them out of K an extra year, then to make them repeat it. Especially if the K is in thier elementary school. The idea of doing K in private school or a preschool and then doing it again in a public school is also a good idea. However, the idea of repeating it in elementary school where the kids are the same and might remember.

[KiraLin]

My dd has a late Aug bday and just made the cut off to start K this year by 11 days. So under the best of circumstances she would have been one of the youngest in her grade. She has been in the towns (excellent) special needs preschool since turning three and has ADHD among other issues (sensory, PI stuff). The districts policy is "K should be ready for the child not the child ready for K"...well lets just say that it was a long fight but dd is in the same preschool for the third year...with probably one of the best teachers in the district and getting exactly what she needs. (the state mandated that the district change its policy...they really should not mess with determined mama's (not just me)). If I had a dollar for every person in the school who has approached me privately to tell me how much dd is benefiting from the extra time I would be rich. She is maturing and her teacher is keeping her academically challenged (that was not the problem). She adores the fact that she is the oldest and a number of her peers that moved to K this year (typical and special needs) are having tough times so that just makes me all the more sure it was the right decision for her.
On a side note in our area many families are holding back high functioning 5 year olds to give their kids an advantage...so although dd is the oldest in this class it is likely she will not be always. It's worth finding out trends in your area. DD would have potentially have been the youngest by up to 2 years had I sent her to K this year. That said, had a final year at preschool not been an option I would have sent her to a private K and then a second year at public K.

best wishes to you and your lucky kids!

[ddahl]

I think its hard to compare boys vs. girls especially with writing. Boys typically develop the eye hand coordination ability later which was complete news to me when speaking with my son's doctor.

We will be considering holding our son back as well as he is a January birthday. He can not start K until September when he will be 5.5. Academically he is already bored by the lessons but maturity wise he is on the young side. I think holding them back has lost the stigma it used to have. My feeling is that it builds better self esteem when they are a top performer than when they are missing out due to emotional maturity issues. My son is an only child so I have nobody to compare him to ... yet :-). I think we have to make the best choices for our kids. When they go to college they will be with other kids of varrying ages. In the end it does not matter in my opinion, the age thing that is. Perhaps you could arrange an observation day at the K in your area. I think it hard for us to make these decisions not knowing what they will even be doing. Best of luck!

[mcanvasback]

Not the same issue - but another perspective - My daughter misses the Sept 1 cut off by almost 3 months (11/25 birthday) so she will be almost 6 when she starts kindergarten. As she will be in private school in a very small town there is a little more leeway with it but, still, 3 months is pushing it!

Most of the kids in her preschool class made the cutoff or are close enough so it could be waived. As my daughter is advanced for her age and slightly above average in height/weight I was terribly upset at the idea of her being left behind in pre school or pre k while all her little buddies went to K. I was planning to make a big deal about her being tested and so forth to see if she could come in early.

However, in talking to other parents as well as from advice I received on this forum I have realized that, not only are many parents with kids close to the cutoff are choosing to hold them back, but overwhelmingly I am hearing that it is so much better for them to be almost the oldest than than by far the youngest.

So, I have made my peace with it! For now anyway!