[TweetyMom04]

Boys are in First Grade and I had a Parent – Teacher Conference.

I’m in need of feedback from those who have had a child or more that have gone through some, most or all of this. How did you resolve this (medical, homeopathic), resolution to and handle it through the process. Or run its course and let them develop into or out of it.

According to DS-L’s Teacher:
-When is concentrates he is okay.
-When the concentration is broken, the ‘upset’ is out of proportion to the problem.
-He is over worried.
-Struggles with routine. Notices at the end of the day he is both Physically and Mentally Exhausted.
-Suggested he would do better in a slower environment / routine
-Does better in one on one than group participation
-Confused about what is happening.
-Talks to fast and is incomprehensible.
-Reading is exceptional (medium level).
-Not sociable with others
-Wants to participate, but finds it hard.
-Does participate with others but on a minimal level.
-Problem with asking or talking with others in a Social Environment.
-Handwriting has improved
-Independent
-Does not participate, won’t raise his hand.
-Confidence level could be better


What DH & I see and have known since DS-L was a baby (now 5 yrs old):
-Always has gotten upset (over little & big stuff).
-Something not completely on the table
-If something wasn’t aligned just right
-Left alone for a second, he would go crazy, screaming, crying
-Has always been overly worried.
-Does good with routine, but not abrupt change.
-Won’t play with other children, follows his Brother.
-Will boss his Brother and us around.
-Will ask us questions, but not to strangers.
-Independent, but likes to have company.
-Has confidence in his own ways.
-Physically aggressive with us (kicked and hit all of us. He thinks it’s a game or a fun way to play, not
realizing he’s inflicted harm).
-Asks questions, won’t listen to the answer. Will repeat the question, again and again.
-Must tell you repeatedly about an event that happened. Then he repeats it as if he's never told you. This can and does go on and on, until you literally tell him, enough, you’ve told me already, I heard you!
-Comprehension in his own way. He doesn’t always understand what you are asking him. Yet, in SALT (Speech And Language Therapy), he can understand up to a 4 – 5 step process of ‘doing things.’
-He gets upset when his Brother gets invited to Parties and he doesn’t.
-He has just been invited to his first party without his Brother.
-Speech has and is an ongoing problem. We and his Teacher are finding it harder each day to understand him. He runs his words together and talks fast. When you ask him to slow down, he can’t. He gets frustrated and raises his pitch and talks even faster. This is a real struggle in the house. He tries so hard to communicate, yet no one can understand him. Except his Brother, who hinders DS-L from learning to speak clearly, as DS-G will interrupt for DS-L. SALT (Speech And Language Therapy) has ‘thrown me bones’ for years and has been no real help in the long run.
-Hearing, just checked on Tuesday, 6 month follow up with ENT and the Grommets are still in, ‘doing as they should.’
-He always has to do as DS-G does. Dresses like him, eats the same foods, etc.
(DS-G has expressed to me that he is sick of DS-L always being around and he wants to play with his own friends. Tonight, DS-G was telling DS-L, stop copying me, stop repeating me, leave me alone, etc.)
-DH Categorizes him as an introvert that is trying to break out of his own mold. Frustrated he can’t or doesn’t know how, so he does his own thing.
-DS-L continues to 'act' like a baby. Enjoys fingers in his mouth, crawling on the floor, etc. Yet when you ask him does he act like this at school, he responds no. That is the way Babies act.
-Growing up is hard, but he has one foot on one side of the fence and the other foot on the other side. It doesn't need to be any harder. And is adding to the burden and making it difficult for those that love him and want to help.
-NOTE: DH & I make it a point to NEVER compare the 2.


We are frustrated with this, don't know where to start.
Look forward to your responses.

[momraine]

First off I think it would be helpful if the boys are separate classes, though it sounds like they are. I would take L and get him tested. You can ask your ped, to reccomend a psychologist. That's what we did with our oldest son. He has aspergers, some of what your son does sounds similar, but some does not. I think if you can find a good place and get some testing you might get some answers that will give you something concrete to go on.

[TweetyMom04]

Originally Posted by momraine

First off I think it would be helpful if the boys are separate classes, though it sounds like they are. I would take L and get him tested. You can ask your ped, to reccomend a psychologist. That's what we did with our oldest son. He has aspergers, some of what your son does sounds similar, but some does not. I think if you can find a good place and get some testing you might get some answers that will give you something concrete to go on.

Yes, they are in separate classes.
Will address concerns with Ped in Dec., after our move.
Thanks.

[abensonslaton]

Sounds a lot like my kid. He had ADHD with some sensory issues. He is kinda of on the austistic scale but not really. We were lucky and have a great group health coverage. Got him tested at 3 1/2 and he has made great gains. He currently goes to special ed preschool, on small dose ritalin twice a day, and will attend regular kindergarten next year. I call it the doctor-engineer brain more into how things work and less into the social aspect of the job so to speak. He is super smart just needs help interacting with the world and peers I have been told this is quite common in boys. He is just different and to be honesty this is what I love about him the most his "differences" just want him to be the best person he can be.
Angela

[orenmommy]

There is a great natural supplement on the market for attention problems. It is called Attend made by Vaxa. You can order it online or get it at quality health food stores. (if it turns out that this is a problem with your child) best wishes.

[ddahl]

Some of the problems may not be problems and just be signs of slower emotional development. Some of the things seem more of a 4-5 yo. behavior. He may just be adjusting to things differently. Not all kids are social butterflies. Additionally, with your big move across and an impending move back he may be the more sensitive one and may be externalizing some of the stress of the move. Perhaps you can partner him in and give him a "big job" something he can have total control over to make him feel in control. I know you are an awesome Mommy and will go to the ends of the earth to have him checked out and evaluated. I think one of the hardest things is to have a child who is very smart... smart enough to know they are not fitting in (like their sibling).

DS told me last year "the kids don't like me and they don't want to be my friend". We worked for months on helping him to reach out to just one child a day. He is still telling us at the end of the day "so-and -so was my friend to day". Some of his initital stresses have minimized.

Perhaps too... he may be bored and wandering around his own mind then when called back to attention he appears clueless nd out of sorts with what has been going on. I would go with the testing available in the US via public school. Perhaps he may even be gifted and need an IEP. One of the signs of extreem inteligence is ADD ADHD symptoms, not that I am saying he has any of those but he may be very gifted. Sounds like he is moving at the speed of sound in his own mind....
Keep us posted! Hugs!

[votemom]

no advice, but lots of caring thoughts for you as your move will be a big challenge for your little guy L. you've got so much going on right now.

[TweetyMom04]

Thanks everyone for your feedback! Keep it coming.


Momraine - I took a look at the information (aspergers) and yes there are some similarities.

abensonslation - Interesting information I found about ADHD, Sensory and Autistic. Yes there are some similarities.

orenmommy - took a look at Attend. Looks potential and helpful.

ddahl - Yes, we are waiting to get moved and to the Peds office.

votemom - the move has been an interesting subject. DH & I have been talking about it for several months until everything was confirmed. Then we started reading books about Bears Moving and people moving, etc. Over the nights, the Boys started to ask questions about the subject. We had a talk with them and moving and showed them pictures of the house and the bedrooms they can pick out to be their own. (They already have done that). They understand about new school, new teachers, new house, new country, etc. We talk about it at least 2x's a week and they can ask anything they want. So some of the questions have been, is it warm there?, do they have pizza?, is the refrigerator bigger? will there be room for my juice? will there be a place for ice cream? Honestly, the only thing brought up so far is confusion over not having school uniforms to wear. That is all they know out here - school uniforms. They cannot understand that you can wear jeans or trousers and a shirt or t-shirt to school. It makes them uneasy and they want to wear their uniforms. So I said, fine, you can wear your uniforms on the 3 early / visit days to school. (They are anxious to see their new school before the school closes for Christmas Break in late Dec). All in all, they are happy and wanting to get on with the move.

[kizibits]

My daughter has many of the same issues, although some are at the opposite extreme. We know that my daughter has fetal alcohol syndrom and we know that she has sensory integration disorder (hyposensitive.) We suspect that she is ADHD and OCD. For us the best course of action so far has been the development of a sensory diet with a qualified OT. It gives her the opportunity to re-establish her grounding/concentration when broken and often manages to prevent those breaks from occurring. It's very much a trial and error kind of situation, though. What works with one child doesn't necessarily work with another.

We are determined to avoid medication for as long as we can for a number of reasons. Livi is significantly underweight and most meds for her conditions will suppress appetite. She is only 3 years old and I don't want her tiny little body to have to battle meds on top of everything else. It is impossible to know whether any new behaviors/problems she might develop would be due to meds or just her natural development. Too many more reasons to go into here...

We have a wonderful team of specialists including a couple pediatric neuropsychologists, a pediatric developmental specialist, an occupational therapist, a pediatric neurologist, and others--all of whom have their own perspective from which to analyze her behavior, reactions, test scores, and physiology. I feel we have the most comprehensive understanding of her situation that we are likely to get until she is older and able to give us more objective information. That, I think is key! It's what has enabled us to get the services we need for her and we are seeing some great results.

[kizibits]

One other thought--you mentioned the kids are having a hard time with the idea of not wearing uniforms. That is the kind of thing we deal with a lot with Livi. She gets locked into one way of doing things and it can be really difficult to get her to do it another way. It's one of the features that is tied in with her FAS and is why we suspect she might have FAS-related OCD.

[angelkisses0102]

Sounds familiar...well used to be familiar anyway...

DS has a whole bunch of letters and terms used to describe him (SPD,probably ADD/ADHD, developmentally delayed-including social/emotional, speech issues, etc), he is in special needs kindy class, has five therapies a week...my gut however is finally starting to accept that he is alcohol impacted. Next steps for us, I'm not certain as he is currently thriving...absolutely doing awesome between his therpaies and his SN classroom setting.

He is a smart little bugger...and has found a great sense of humor which he uses to endear people to him. His teacher constantly remarks at how popular DS is with the 900 kids on the K-5 school campus. Everyone loves him...this from a child who wouldn't even speak above a whisper a little over a year ago.

I agree full testing and evaluations are the way to go once you return to the US.

Good luck.

[Bcelli]

Sounds like ADHD, but you need to talk to a professional who can evaluate your son. We would never have guessed that of our son and turns out he's pretty high-end ADHD. Meds have allowed him to be the person he's meant to be and he has expressed how much better he feels now. But before we landed on that diagnosis, he went through several months of therapy (which ended last week. Yea!) and testing to rule out other possibilities. Ask your ped for a referral. Good luck. Finding an answer - whatever it may be - is so much better than not knowing.

[GCS]

I agree with getting a referral and getting him tested. I dont think that pediatricans always are the best for referrals. I would try and find a pediatric neuro psych in your area (or new area) and get on their schedule. These specialist are usually 6 months out so start looking now. They give the dx and some ideas as to what kind of move forward is warranted, but you ususally do not meet with that dr. again. So you could even have the testing done now and bring that paperwork with you after the move.

He's got a lot on his plate right now with the move, but the sooner you test the sooner you have invaluable info. We waited to have our DS evaluated since all the EI evals were within range and we had no negative feedback from any teachers. I wish we had done it sooner.

Good luck!

[momto4boys]

How does your son with eye contact? Is that hard for him? What about hugs and physical contact? How is he doing academically?
I have a bio son with Asperger's and what comes along with that (with him) is OCD, tourette's, sensory issues, and ADD. I also have bio identical twins and one twin is starting to have more and more symptoms like his big brother.
I have two adopted sons from Russia and one has FAS and has receptive speech delay and short term memory problems.
A lot of what you mentioned sounds like he might be somewhere on the Autism spectrum, but the short term memory reminds me of my son with FAS.

I agree that a ped or family doc may not be the easiest way to start, unless you have a doctor that really, really listens to you and BELIEVES you. (I am speaking from experience) It can take a long time to get an appt. with a specialist, but keep pushing to get him referred to someone that specializes in pediatric development or an Autism clinic for an evaluation. Above all TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. The meltdowns over minor things are not the kinds of meltdowns that typically developing children have. A mother knows the difference.
You are welcome to PM me if you have any questions.

[TweetyMom04]

Originally Posted by momto4boys

How does your son with eye contact? Is that hard for him? What about hugs and physical contact? How is he doing academically?
I have a bio son with Asperger's and what comes along with that (with him) is OCD, tourette's, sensory issues, and ADD. I also have bio identical twins and one twin is starting to have more and more symptoms like his big brother.
I have two adopted sons from Russia and one has FAS and has receptive speech delay and short term memory problems.
A lot of what you mentioned sounds like he might be somewhere on the Autism spectrum, but the short term memory reminds me of my son with FAS.

I agree that a ped or family doc may not be the easiest way to start, unless you have a doctor that really, really listens to you and BELIEVES you. (I am speaking from experience) It can take a long time to get an appt. with a specialist, but keep pushing to get him referred to someone that specializes in pediatric development or an Autism clinic for an evaluation. Above all TRUST YOUR INSTINCT. The meltdowns over minor things are not the kinds of meltdowns that typically developing children have. A mother knows the difference.
You are welcome to PM me if you have any questions.

Thanks for your response.

How does your son with eye contact?
No problems. Will look at you anytime anywhere.

Is that hard for him?
Not that I can see.

What about hugs and physical contact?
Loveable and cuddly with Family.

How is he doing academically?
According to a write-up I got from his Teacher, overall he is doing 'okay.' He is 5, in Year one and school day is 9am - 3:15pm. That is a long day for any young child.

As for starting with the Ped., that is fine. I've battled with many GP's here and have learned to be pushy and aggressive - especially when it comes to our Sons' health and medical needs! This is one reason I'm looking fwd to moving back to the states.