[ophelia72]

Oh the joy! i really mean it! Though the testing of bounadaries can work on your last nerve and the temper tanturums over not getting their way can really be nerve wracking. But I can not get enough of the giggles and laughter. the runnning over with arms open wide hugs, the velcro of the little bodies hanging onto the legs while you are trying to walk. That is pure bliss.
But really the not taking naps is really really hard. I am really trying to work on a schedule. Plus my timing seems to be off with this whole toliet training thing. Our IA Doctor believes my DS was toilet trained and more times then not my timing with him is ok. I take them about every two hours. But with my DD I think I should try every hour. I take her then I smell that lovely smell and I ask did you do KAKA. She smiles and says KAKA then I have a symphony of 2 little people singing KAKAKAKAKA. Oh the joy. SHe knows when she goes but can not tell me before hand AHHHHAHHHH!Communication its a lovely thing. Samething with DS peepee ok timing I can do KAKA well its always after the fact.
I have to ask you veterans we took our children to the IA doctor and had them evaluated by a bilingual Psychologist. The psychologist said I should not even tak ethem for a walk in a stroller. I really have a hardtime with this one because I like taking walks and it has been really nice here true autumn days. Is it not like being in a different kind of orphanage if they can not get out and see the world. I know about over stimulation but before taking to the doctor we went for walks and they really responded to it. Looking around and look back to me with smiles. I like to get some thoughts on that one.
Also from the evaluation the pshchologist said he knew his full name he spoke in clear full sentences, knew shapes and colors though he could not name them except for two. Knew stories and kept telling the story even after the therapist stopped reading. It saddens me that he knows his full name. If he didn't know it giving him a new identity didn't seem so upsetting but now I am changing who he thinks of himself, Am I? Did anyone else have these feelings part of me feels bad.
All in all things are going well. Except that they have a hard time bonding with my DH but I keep telling him small steps. Their primary caregivers were females, so small steps. they both let him feed them. DD lets him help her up and down the stairs. She is the real sore spot. My DH and I have a game pass the baby. Where we pass her back and forth from one to the other and then let him hang on to her a little longer. He sherbets he tummy and tickles her and then back to mommy. each time its a little longer. But most of teh time when he touches or holds her she screams as if he is killing her and reaches out for me. It just kills him. Even DS rejects him at times and it is really hard on my husband he really loves them and it hurts him to be rejected so, but I keep telling him we have taken them from everything they know. We know it is for the better they don't, everything in due time. Anyway here are some pics. Excuse my DD hair they shaved her head before we picked her up. Poor little thing was taken for a boy the whole trip home.

[kretzklan]

Hey there - I'm glad to hear things are going "smoothly". I am surprised that the IA psych didn't mention the potty training. I would think (of course mine were older) that it would be better to not worry so much about it right now. Let them get settled and then work on that? Just a thought.
The stroller thing seems weird to me - is it because you are out of their line of sight? Could you switch them to a wagon so that you are always in front of them and they can see you? I just don't understand how a walk can be bad otherwise.
I'm on a soapbox right now since we are just getting into the depths of DDs attachment disorder - yes, three years home. I would urge you to practice attachment parenting as much as possible (or even more so) and be sure your DH does it as well...your babes are so much younger than mine...but the triangulation of DH and I for my DD is full blown even now. It can be tiring and hard to handle.
I would not worry about changing his name. I'm guessing he did not express great sadness over the loss. Also, did the psych point out to him that he had a new name and see if he knew that?

[MoscowGirl]

Oh how adorable they are!!! Great picture of two beautiful innocent children and one happy mama.

I am a rare visitor on this forum these days, I can't offer much wisdom since I am new to your story and not sure of the ages of your children and when they got home. But I wanted to say congratulations!!! They are beauties and you are such a good and caring mommy!

I think walks with the stroller could be very therapeutic to children as well as to their mommy. I read in one of the parenting books that playing with fall leaves, and other nature objects (including mud ) brings up softness and kindness in children. If they get overstimulated, you might want to avoid busy places such as playgrounds in parks and introduce it later. But walks in the stroller and watching these beautiful autumn days seem as a very calming activity. They have been indoors for too long in their lives!!! Keep communicating to them while they are in the stroller. You got it all right!

During your bonding and atachment stage, may the blissful moments outnumber the hard ones by far!

[momraine]

I have always thought that experts were good for ideas, but since you are the expert on your child, that you should take what works for you and discard the rest. I would suggest dumping the potty training until they have had some time to settle in. Go ahead and take the walks, enjoy the time. As for dd, my daughter too had a hard time with dh. One thing I started to do was to do my shopping when he was home. While I was gone he would plan fun things to do with her and my older boys, like giving them ice cream or watching a new cartoon or reading to them. Little things like teaching them to take apart an oreo.
Anyway, enjoy this time it will go by faster than you will beleive.

[votemom]

1. definitely take walks! experiment a bit and see if it is a soothing/calming experience for them or a stimulating one. if it's calming, maybe add it to your routine after lunch and before nap. if it's stimulating, then obviously not. since they can't see you during the walk, i would recommend singing songs to them or giving a commentary of what you are seeing on your walk. that way they are hearing your voice. also, if it's calming, maybe your husband could do a walk after dinner and he could also sing/talk. it would be good for them to get used to just being with him (when they are ready obviously).

2. it's early, but you are wise to try and start sticking to a routine. it helps them feel safe when they can predict what is going to happen next. for example: i wash my girls up right at the table after lunch. we don't pass go or collect $200 - we go directly upstairs for naps. they know this now - it's ingrained in their heads. i don't have to say anything. they get down from their booster seats and go right up to their beds on their own.

3. i would build in the potty visits to your routine. do you have two potty chairs? keep them in the same spot and make the visits just part of the schedule (i.e. right after breakfast, right before lunch, right before bath). we adopted two and put the potty chairs right in the kitchen. easy access & visible.

they are SOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute, even with the buzz cut! i'm so happy for THEM and for you!

[mcanvasback]

I'm no expert - my baby was very young - but I would take them for walks, for sure. The bonding/attachment takes a long, long time. My DD was 9 months, and while we never had any blatant issues, in retrospect I realize now that only recently have we really become strongly, firmly bonded and attached. Partly because I had a live in from the time she came home - necessary and wonderful in many ways, but it did stall the process.

Your kids are absolutely gorgeous, and look precious. Enjoy them, take the good advice that you get here, and everything will fall into place!

[Mykidsmom]

Oldtimer chiming-in. If the children enjoy the walks I would keep doing them. It is a good way for you to point out colors, (green grass, orange leaves, ...) sizes (big house, little tree, ...) and they hear your voice like someone else mentioned. Potty training was not a priorty for me, if you let this one go for awhile it will cut your stress and not create any stress for the children. I felt that was some of the bonding and me tending to their needs. We did have the potty chair always available when/if they were interested. I have no advise for bonding with Daddy other than patience.

They are adorable.

[mcanvasback]

BTW - I find the no walk recommendation so odd - everyone I know was advised the opposite, as the kiddos need the fresh air and sun. Hmmm...

As far as the potty training - if you figure it out let me know, my almost 3 year old is not trained yet!

[GCS]

I have to agree that the no walk thing seems off. I understand we are trying to keep their world small but this does not seem like the way to do it.

I would keep multiple potties in the house for them and actually schedule potty breaks as that is what they were used to.

They are adorable and it sounds like they are settling in really well!

[ophelia72]

Thanks everyone! i am letting them use the potty there is no aversion for them sometimes it works and I praise like crazy. Many times no but atleast I am letting them get use to it. Trust me I am walking its good for me and I truly believe its good for them. It is stimulating because they are looking everywhere and interested in everything so we go for a walk before dinner and then eat. I am totally a creature of habit so routine is me totally and everything. Yes we have a pink potty and a green potty. The funny thing was during the evauluation he knew red in russian and green in english. Such a smart baby Boy. He is answering to his new name. The other thing that sadden me is my husband sad that he could not answer the psychologist if he was a good boy or a bad boy. I keep telling him in english and russian(as best I can) that he is a good boy. What have these poor children been through. I thank god everyday for them being home with me.
Agian thanks everyone for your prayers and good thoughts Talk soon.

[mommyto4]

Welcome home and thanks for sharing the great pic, they are adorable

Here are some of my thoughts,

I would not push the bonding with dh now, the main goal is for them is to focus on having a secure attachment with you, once that happens which could take some time, different for every child, then the attachment to dad will be easier and come more naturally.

Not sure about the no strolling suggestion? could be to avoid overstimulation,keeping their world small, and the thought of it as not a direct hands on interaction with you.

Potty training will happen alot easier after they have settled in for a while at home,would not focus on it now.

Best wishes and thanks for the pic and update!

[momofMikhail]

We had the same issue with our son not bonding with DH. I rocked our son for 30 min every nite until finally I asked my DH to do it to help with bonding. Now our son gets so excited as soon as daddy walks through that door after work. At first he fought us on it (for me and DH) But we decided to be persistant and follow though with the rocking, and it worked great.

I don't have any suggestions on the potty training, our son was almost fully potty trained when we got home. But I did not force the issue because I thought he was still to young (17 months) and didn't really understand what I was doing.

As far as the walks, we take walks everyday from the time he came home. He loves going outside!

[momofMikhail]

Sorry, by the way the kids are adorable! And you look so happy! Congratulations!

[Ktates]

Hi - just replying quickly as dd is itching to go outside...

I agree with the no walking seems weird (though dd did have a hard time in stores in a stroller because she couldn't see me - but walks were ok and stores were ok if she was in a shopping cart facing me).

Potty training I would let go for now - so many changes for them and you have to learn their cues too!

bonding to dh - here I have some advice as we experienced the same thing - dd would SCREAM bloody murder if dh even walked near her. It impoved every day - someone told me that they can only bond with one parent a time. Every day we made sure she had one on one time with dad - she screamed at first but gradually would settle down. We learned though that I had to be completly out of sight though. Be sure though that you still do plenty of things together even if you are the one holding - so that they realize that dad is not just another caregiver. I would say 4 weeks after adopting we had made great strides - she wouldn't scream at least!

as for you dh - this can be very hard on them - my dh was so saddened - it hurt me to see it - please tell your dh that it is COMPLETELY NORMAL and will get better - to be patient as hard as that is. And take time for you - being the only one they want is very exhausting emotionally and physically.
best of luck!
Karen

[GCS]

Two things I thought of later:

Firstly, as far as the name change goes, here was our experience. We changed DS's name when we adopted him at 3. He knew his Russian name and still considered himself by that name for a few months even though he answered to his new name. Today he is 7. He knows his Russian name and knows he and his sister got a new name when they came to live with us. Even his sister who was only 5 months old when she came home can tell you what her name in Russia was.

As far as your later post about your son not knowing whether or not he is a good boy. It took a good 8 months for our son to not answer "no, I'm not" when we told him he was a good boy. He had been told he was a bad boy so often this was what he believed.

We were told to keep encouraging him by reminding him what a good boy he was especially when he did something wrong. For example when he got into something he shouldn't we would say "you are my good boy and I love you. We do not write on the walls with shaving cream. You know you shouldn't be in Daddy's things." We also starting calling him "good boy" any chance we had. As in Daddy walking in from work and saying "there's my good boy" or my calling him to me by saying something like "where's my good boy? Come here and let's put on your shoes." (I still call him my sweet boy!)

We had a few family members laugh and comment that we sounded like we were calling a dog, but we just shrugged and figured eventually it would sink in that he was a good boy and he would be able to own that. 4 years later he's very well adjusted.

Good luck!