[waxhawfamily]

Hi, I haven't posted in years! We adopted our DS just over 3 years ago from Tula, Russia. He was 26 months old at the time and all seemed to go well.
This year he should be in kindergarden, but we didn't feel he was ready for a lot of reasons. He is still in a preschool type program and we have a few little things that are starting to bother us. One of the big ones is that he shows no signs of imagination - which should have kicked in around age 3.

He is not interested in playing with toys at all.
He doesn't have nightmares at night (which are a sign of vivid imagination)
He doesn't play act or pretend play unless he is pretending to eat - he is obsessed with food.
He is social enough, but he doesn't enjoy actually playing with other children unless it's video or computer games (no imagination required there)
He absolutely does not play by himself
He doesn't even get startled if you surprise him

Does anyone have experience with this being a sign of any disorder of any type? We have a doctor / counseling appointment in 3 weeks.

[momraine]

My son who has aspergers was similar to this. Though he did startle.

[Drazil]

I am sorry to hear of so many issues with your son. I am sure you are aware that many issues do not even present themselves until school age so even if your think things have gone well enough you never really know what could come up at a later time. You may want to do a search for past posts/threads by "angelkisses" as she has posted on many different disorders and issues with details that may help you. I am happy you have choose to seek professional help for your son and I wish for the very best outcome for your family, Good Luck!

[qs mom]

My son is Asperger's also. He would play by himself. He would play with me. He engaged in paralell play about about 5ish. But not in interactive play until he was at least 6 1/2. He is 8 now and interactive play is still not his thing. His imagination really didn't kick in until maybe 6-7.

His dreams consisted of reliving his day. He would yell at kids/people he was mad at during the day. He still doesn't have very imaginative dreams at 8. He's never told me about monters, or creepy crawly things or the like. He seems to dream about people he knows, or a movie we watched recently. He has relived things from his early years in the orphanage in dreams though.

And as much as my son enjoys team sports - he does soccer, dance and figure skating for the disabled - he prefers to play alone or with just 1 other child.

[amyfk]

HI,

I just wanted to wish you best of luck with your son and with the therapist visit. My child is younger, almost three and doesnt seem that imaginative either. But I dont get the feeling something is amiss with her(in that dept. anyway in others yes). So I have no professional or personal knowledge but just wanted to wish you well.
Amy K, NJ

[kretzklan]

I think I posted on another thread for you. Neither of my kids showed any signs on imaginative play at the ages of 6 and 7 when they came home. We worked on it alot - I posted a thread here about it and got a lot of great ideas. We played a lot of "what if" games and I even started acting out things with dolls with both of them (including their adoption story). I will say that the turnaround is great. They both can play alone in a fantasy world. They love dress up! DD creates worlds with her dolls...now her attention span is nill...but she does play. DS can create worlds with his legos and will play for long periods of time. They probably thought I was a broken record. I told lots of stories about my imaginative play when I was young...let them copy my ideas. Now, they are 9 and 10 and perhaps a bit "behind" because they still do this...however, they missed SO much, so I'm not worried about them staying in this phase for a while longer than "normal"...

[ddahl]

Our Son cam ehome at 18 months and is now almost 5. He would never play by hmself or alone in his room for the longest time. He just started doing this in the last year. Frankly, even as an infant, I think he was just so understimulated that he really had no impedus for playing at all. It has taken 3 years of forced play, role play and teaching him imaginative and creative things. He will now act out a scenarior that he has created and engage DH and me in the play. This year, I started to have him go play in his room and I set the timer. He will now play on his own for 30-45 minutes. He may call out during that time or try to reel me into a game which is great. The first 2.75 years were so hard because he was so connected to DH and me that we literally could not count on him to do anything by himself. He recently discovered video games and I am limiting that because its very isolative. A little bit is good though.

I understand your worry and don't really have much in the way of suggestions for you. Make a detailed list of your observations so when you have your appointment you don't forget every area you want to cover. Keeping you in our prayers!

[angelkisses0102]

You are doing the right thing...getting him evaluated by a professional. My DS is 5 and in Kindy this year but it is a special needs classroom ( very good thing!) The school district has been a lifesaver for him and us. I strongly urge you to have your DS evaluated by them as well...in our district it was called Kindergarten Readiness or something like that. But DS could have been evaluated before he turned 3 and started the program he ended up in THE DAY he turned 3. Instead he missed out on a full year and started when he was 4. THE BEST PROGRAM!!! He is a completely different child when compared to last year.

DS has sensory processing disorder, signficant developmental delays (including social/emotional), severe speech impairment, nystagmus, and our newest dx global feeding issues...he also had a terrible time attaching to us. (So yes we have lots of experience in this area.) He was initially thought to be autistic or on the autism spectrum when evaluated by the district...but the psychologist decided that his behaviors were due to the sensory issues, the emotional/social delays, and that he was a shy child.

Much of what you describe sounds familiar...either because we have lived it or I have read about it in my quest to figure out exactly what is going on with my DS. My guy has a vivid imagination...so this is not something I have personally dealt with however.

Getting my DS the intervention he has needed has been the biggest blessing. We are finally seeing who he really is...what a bright and funny little boy we have discovered.

Our kids have so many potential issues that may be going on...it is often difficult to do anything more than peel away the layers one at a time. It is often a process of elimination.

Even with all that is already dxed in DS...my gut says we will someday need that final dx...the one which involves prenatal alcohol exposure. But I no longer fear this as I know what a great kiddo my little guy is...and that he truly does have a very bright future, regardless of what his dx's are on paper....he is still my wonderful son.

Trust your gut and all the best.

[Drazil]

Thanks Karen I knew you would be here!!!

[GCS]

What kind of professional are you having your son tested with? I would suggest a PediNeuroPsych as they will have the most experience with someone on the austim spectrum vs being on the FA Spectrum. So often these dx have similiar characteristics but are not treated the same.

Its usually a pretty long wait to get into see someone like this so you might want to get on the waiting list right away.

I wish we had gone sooner to get our boy evaluated. Its always best to get this info as young as possible so you can start treatment/therapy.

Good luck!
Christina

[waxhawfamily]

Thanks for all your support and suggestions. I truely do need to pretend play with him more. Most of our play is physical activity - not imaginative.

I'm looking forward to our visit with our doctor and I plan to set up a conference with his preschool teacher soon too. We have put him back into a 4 year old preschool class rather than sending him to kindergarten this year (he turned 5 in April). Next year we will give kindergarten a try.

He seems to play best with just one child at a time, and around 1 year younger than he is (physical play not pretend play). We are hoping that he is just delayed and having a year later start into kindergarten may be a good place to start with helping him.

Anyway, we'll see I guess. One day at a time.

[momraine]

ONe thing we did when I taught preschool that really got the kids reeled into pretend was grocery day. The teachers for months would save boxes, cereal, mac and cheese, etc. We would also clean out butter containers, yogurt drink containers, milk jugs, etc. Add some egg cartons and some bags and the kids can play shop. We put the stuff all around the room and let the kids come through and shop using a laundry basket that they can slide around (slides really well on carpet!) We also gave them play money. One of us would pretent to check them out, complete with making beeping sounds when we scanned the items and punching buttons on an imaginary cash register. Then each child would take home thier "groceries" in a bag and also thier "change" in play money. Most of the parents said the kids played with these things over and over at home. At one point we found a toy washer and dryer and the kids loved them! So much so that when we had to send them over to another classroom I made some out of boxes. I also cut a peice of cardboard out into the shape of an ironing board and found a toy iron and added a basket of doll clothes and washclothes. The kids would spend lots of time pretending to wash and dry and iron the clothes. The best way to start pretend play is to let hem mimic things they see you do. Let them "cook" with pretend dishes or toy ones if you have them. Find a piece of rope and add a tp tube to one end and a box to the other. Then you have a gas station and they can fill up toy cars. If dad likes to work on the cars, then let them pretend to do that. Washing a toy car, or even mowing the lawn. After he is good at mimicing every day activities then you can move on to copying movies or tv shows or pets.

[Ktates]

thought I would share some of what we do here at home - DD will be 5 in Dec. We pretend play all the time (her choice not necessarily mine) - every time we are in a store she likes to pretend she works there and helps me find things I need. She likes to play grocery store at home too, also we pretend play restaurant when we do playdoh...she pretends she's the waiter/chef and then makes me what I want with the playdoh. She also likes to pretend she's the mom and I'm the kid, she will read me books and just make up the words, story from the pictures. We also have a little kitchen dh made - so she likes to pretend she is cooking when I am cooking and sets the table she has and everything in preparation for her meal...

Sometimes pretend play with your child isn't much fun for you - but dh finds he can handle playing restaurant better than when he has to pretend he's the kid.

Hope things work out for you and your son - I remember you from when we were both in process!
Karen