[dlhall]

Okay, I need to hear from moms (or dads) of little boys. My 3 year old son is about to drive me over the edge. . . literally! I'm so angry at him right now that I'm shaking! He's been very difficult for the last few weeks; we seem to go in stages when he'll be calm and cooperative to when everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, is a battle with him. From getting dressed to what he will/won't eat to getting him to pick up toys. . .it's a battle.

Today though was the worst (and it's not even noon!). It started with him waking up at 12:30am this morning and not going back to sleep until 5:30am! Usually he's a good sleeper, so I'm not sure what that was all about. I figured that since he didn't sleep much last night, he would at least sleep in a little bit. Nope! He was up ready to play at 7:15 this morning. So here I am working on about 4 hours of sleep and he's battling me on getting dressed and eating breakfast. I finally get those two tasks accomplished, and as I'm getting things ready for us to go out for a bit, he stands in the kitchen, pulls down his pants, opens the oven door and pees! All over the inside of the oven, on the floor, into the drawer underneathe the oven. I immediately sent him to his room and all he did was laugh! He thought it was the funniest thing in the world. After I calmed down a bit, I went up to his room and got him and made him clean it up with some paper towels and all he did the whole time was laugh. What is wrong with this kid? Please tell me that my son isn't the only one who has done something like this. I really think I'm going to lose it!

Liz

[MamaChinch]

Oh Liz, how frustrating and beyond! I am sorry he is acting like this. I do not have any advice for you, except that possibly he is needing to feel more in control of things in his life? Have you tired some of the Love and Logic techniques? <HUGS!!!>

[Max'sMommy]

I am at a lost for words. I would be furious. I feel your pain.

Remove him from the situation. Empty out his room no toys and put him in there til you can feel better.

[crick]

Is he potty trained completely? Or just recently? I never had an oven pee boy but during and just after potty training with my youngest boy, he'd pee in the oddest places. Didn't get the laughter though...that's kind of a concern for me. (unless he's just turned 3 and emotionally still on a younger level?)

Sounds like he is pushing Mama's buttons to the hilt though. Are there any attachment issues you are dealing with? Any FAS etc. that could be contributing?

If there doesn't seem to be any underlining issues, I'd chalk it up to one of those "devilish moments" and unfortunately that's no fun at all.

[momraine]

I have three boys. All of them at times have driven me nuts. Boys come up with the strangest things to do! My child with attachment issues is the one most likely to do something like that. My older boys, both bio, also did some crazy things. However, once they realized it was really bad they felt remorse. They all did really crazy stuff, not peeing in the stove, but other things. Your son's reaction to the consequences though would make me wonder about attachment. My son with those issues really likes to push my buttons.

[angelkisses0102]

I will mention Beyond Consequences, Logic and Control here. Heather T. Forbes, LCSW I so wish we had this book/way of parenting in our toolbox when DS was 3. He did have attachment issues and sensory issues as well as developmental delays...although we never had this particular type of incident.

I wish you all the best and some peace...it's tough when our kiddos act out and we don't know why...that's why I love BCLC. Good luck and take care of yourself. I so know how hard it is.

[Momtosons]

I have a 3.5 yr old boy as well and I would be BEYOND mad if he did that!

I would suggest that you don't place him his room when he is in trouble.That is WAY to easy on him! He is old enough for time out. Put him in the corner with no toys, food, or drink for 3.5 minutes. When the 3.5 minutes is done, tell him what he did wrong and ask for an apology. If he won't give it, then he waits another 3.5 minutes to try again. If he gets up before his 3.5 minutes are done, then he goes back and his time starts over again!

It works for my boys!

[kretzklan]

I was very glad to hear you made him help clean up - although the laughter during that phase concerned me also. My son never did anything quite that intentional - but certainly went through the very trying ages you are dealing with. We followed love and logic with him. He literally went to kindergarten in his pjs one day...I gave him the last warning and we left. He survived and from there on out got dressed the first time he was asked to. If there could be attachment issues, check into that, of course. But, you must keep your sanity as well...so remove him or yourself to calm down. I'm really sorry - I've had moments of wondering about my boys and "where they would end up if they don't stop this behavior"...

[mommyto4]

This incident sounds pi related, especially considering his reaction of laughing after and not remorse. I am so sorry you are dealing with this, try time in instead of time out, if it is attachment/pi related time out can often make the acting out behaviors worse. Try not to let him see your frustration and try to stay calm in front of him, he likely is wanting a negative reaction from you. Best wishes.

[Mykidsmom]

You said this has been going on for the last few weeks?

Has anything changed in your household, it could be very small (to you), or very big?

-Job changes (Hours at work, complaints about work)
-Someone starting school/daycare (Him or sibling)
-diet change
-anger in the home
-money problems (He hears this discussed)
-Change of doctor, therapist, playmate, etc
-has he or someone he knows been sick
-talk of adoption or adding to your family
-moving

Any sort of change could make him seek ways to get your attention, good or bad. Is he just doing this stuff for you to see, or does he do it for other members in your home?

[dlhall]

Thanks for the responses. Normally we do timeout for him, but I was too angry to even look at him. I needed to have him in a safe place so I could calm down, that's why I sent him to his room.

He has been potty trained for a few months now and only occassionally has an accident. When I think back to this morning's incident, I don't think he necessarily intended to start peeing. He sometimes will "pretend" to pee on things, and I think he started with pretending to pee and then actually started to pee, and then when I freaked out he started laughing. He got a great reaction from mom that's for sure! I'm not sure about the laughing when I had him clean it up. . . that does bother me. However, later this afternoon he ran and went pee in the bathroom and wanted to make sure I acknowledged that he peed in the toilet. I praised him and gave him a hug & kiss.

A number of you mentioned attachment and I'm not sure how this could be a sign of an attachment issue. He doesn't have any of the other attchment red flags (at least that I'm aware of). He cuddles with us, doesn't go indiscriminately to other people, he wants us to comfort him when he's hurt or upset, he has good eye contact--except when he's in trouble.

I don't know. At least he's sleeping now and I'm a lot calmer. I went to the gym and worked out for about 30 minutes just enough to get to place where I could deal with him more calmly.

As for changes, my husband has started traveling for work and of the last 3 weeks he's been gone for 2 of them. My daughter has gone back to school and my son is getting ready to start preschool next week. And mom has been stressed and tired trying to keep it all together.

Any other thoughts or comments would be appreciated. I do plan to research and look for the books recommended.


Liz

[Mykidsmom]

I would think that it is related to the changes going on the the house, just my opinion.

I would re-assure him that you are going to be there for him and you will need his help during the times Daddy is working out of town and sister is at school.

[Kasey]

Liz, I think you have your answers, definite changes in your household. That is probably what is affecting him.

While that day was a biggie, it sounds like the other battles can be typical 3 yr old stuff. I found 3 years to be a very hard year, twos were a breeze!

Good luck!

[beckyww]

My three bio DD never whizzed in the oven (that'd be a challenge!), but one of them did used to leave a deposit in a plastic bath tub toy and leave it behind the chair in our bedroom. Why? I don't know. They laugh about it now, as teenagers. At the time, I coudln't figure out which of the three was doing it - and I would have guessed wrong, had I guessed!

Age 3 was way harder for us than was age 2. I think it's because they're smarter, faster and more agile. Two's are still little Frankensteins in lots of ways. But 3's - they can make it happen. Fours - much easier. Then reasoning kicks in. So hang on!

I know this is not PC but me personally - a child did that - we'd start off w/a swat to the bottom to get attention and see how long that laughing lasted. PI or not, don't care. He's not the boss. He needs to know it. Laughing at your authority isn't funny at 3, and it won't be funny at 13 either, when he's taller than you are. But that's just me.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[coachmom]

read Kevin Lehmans book.. How to have a new kid by Friday or get the CD's..they were such a big help for my three year old.. Of course, you can always take a little bit of advice here and there and make your own way...
Sorry for you.. I have a mantra..this too shall pass..and pass and pss...
then I might have a brain left..LOL
Coachmom