[Mom2Colin]

I’m posting this question but hoping not to get flamed.

I’ve been researching IA in various countries around the world. I continue to read about the need for families to adopt children from Russia and the various former Soviet republics, orphanages with older children waiting, etc. But my question is how do families complete these ridiculously long stays in country? 2, 3 ….. 7 weeks in country… multiple trips. If both spouses work full time and there are other children involved, how on earth can these long trips be accomplished? I’m not asking from an “oh it’s all worth it in the end” frame of mind. I’m asking from a logistical standpoint. I’m already an AP – I know it’s “worth it”

Again, not trying to flame and not wanting to be flamed. I’m honestly asking in order to get better perspective.

Thanks in advance !
KM

[Jpride]

We stayed a total of 4 weeks to complete our adoption. We both have 3 weeks vacation and made sure to save up last year so that we had all our vacation in order to not have to take much unpaid. My husband's work let him borrow from this year also, which was nice.

We made 2 trips - 1 was 1 week and the other was 3 weeks. We did not have any other children at the time though.

Best of luck in your research.

[beckyww]

We used all our vacation time, plus I used unpaid time after we got home. Not FMLA - just unpaid. Could have used FMLA but it wasn't worth the hassle.

It's expensive in terms of time and money - especially if you're not making any money while spending the time!

We had one family member and two different friends stay with our three bio DD (im)patiently waiting at home. One did our first trip (one week.) The other two covered our second trip (two weeks.)

You gotta plan. I had a 2" binder left on the counter at home for the caretakers of our bios which held map quest directions to where they had to go, a complete phone list, medical releases, prescription summaries, cash, church schedules, basketball schedules, choir schedules, "what to do if" lists for the house, "where is" lists for the house, etc. Plus I notified the girls' teachers and everyone at church and our neighbors all knew. Our caretakers were checked on frequently by friends.

Sort of a military operation with lots of expenses!

Good luck in your decision.
Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[nhook]

Good question. That is one of the factors which are holding us back from adopting again. My DH does not want me to stay in country on 2nd trip alone but since we may not have anyone to watch our son for that long, it may be the only way to do it.

I think it is most difficult if you have a child at home and/or you have an employer who is not supportive of the process.

[kretzklan]

A lot of families only send one parent on the first trip - to meet the child. That is generally a pretty quick trip (ours was 6 days and we had to travel to a fairly far region). Both parents must appear for court, but many families then have one parent go straight home and the other travels with the child. If your ten days are not waived, many families return home in between. Since the process can take time, some are able to stockpile days of vacation - I've even heard of some folks who have work friends "give" them days.
DH and I traveled together the whole time. I was working at the time and had taken a one year LOA (unpaid) to travel and stay home with the kids after their return. DH had saved up numerous days that had rolled from years prior. We actually took our oldest son with us...he was 8/9 at the time. The cost was higher to travel with 3 (and 5 coming home), but it saved us the stress of leaving him home and finding care for him. That said, I would not take a child younger than that for sure...the waiting and down time would be too much!

[Jessi_76]

Best of luck, KM! We took three trips so my husband could be home working. While it was more costly this way, it allowed him to use a combination of vacation and sick days rather than using unpaid FMLA.

Our first trip was 6 days, second trip 9 weeks later was 8 days (although it was supposed to only be 6 - we had a court delay and then trouble rebooking flights), and our third trip, just 6 days later, which begins tomorrow, will be 10 days. Each of the times I have given you include the two days of travel time it takes us to get to our region. So, 22 days total, divided up though. I'm not going to lie, it was tough and the logistics really stressed us out...you're not alone!!

I have no experience with having to travel with a child, but I'm sure you will get GREAT advice from others who have been through it.

Best of luck to your growing family.

[momraine]

With our first adoption, it was then a one trip process, I stayed an entire month, I was not working. Dh only had to be there two weeks, and my in-laws watched the kids.
Our last adoption was harder, we made two trips to Poland, one of ten days and one that dh had to stay three weeks and I was there six weeks. We used relatives and friends to watch the kids. It was tough. Dh is very blessed with an understanding job. However now that we have four kids, if we were going to adopt again, it would be a problem. We would have to find a country with a much shorter stay or an excort service.

[Ebadge90]

We had no children until we adopted, so we did not have to do something with children we already had. We did have somebody stay with our dogs, though.
When we were leaving for the second trip, I used paternity leave, which was allowed by my contract I work under as part of a public safety department.
It is my understanding, and somebody will correct me if I am wrong, but most childrne are no

[MominPA]

We both worked and we used our vacation and personal time.

Our first trip we left on Tuesday and returned on Friday. This trip we left our oldest son with good friends in our neighborhood so he was able to go to school.

Our second trip we left on Saturday and returned on Wendesday. Our oldest came with us. I returned to work the next day.

Our third trip I left on a left on a Saturday and came home on a Saturday. I made this trip with my mother, however I would have made it myself if needed. My husband went to work. My husband took the following week off when I got home. This was great since we had one parent that was well rested.

In our case we adopted from Moscow city therefore had no inter country travel which saved time. We opted to do three trips since it was cheaper then staying in Moscow City. We were in Moscow in June and the hotel room was about $300.00 a night. Our court date was May 22nd and I left for the third trip on June 3rd. So that was 12 days we didn't have to pay for a hotel would have been at least $3600 not including expenses to eat. My flight back to Russia was about $850.00.

We also live driving distance to JFK therefore we were able to fly direct to Moscow. Also, when you leave Russia on Wednesday we arrived in NY that same day. Unlike when you leave NY on Saturday, you don't arrive in Russia until Sunday.

[momofMikhail]

We moved to NC during our process and had no one here to watch our bio daughter. So she stayed with familly back in Ohio and her school was very understanding they excused her absents and e-mailed all her homework to her, just as long as she turned in everything once we returned. Our first trip was only 7 days and second trip was 24 days (total of 31 days due to flying back to Ohio not NC). We both worked, so my husband used vacation (pulled from previous year also) and for the first trip I took vacation time. By the second trip I was a stay at home mom. Everything was very hectic, but in the end all worked out. I hope everything works out for you and Good Luck!

[coachmom]

I was told that only 2 trips were necessary... Both 7-10 days... Geez...
I have others ones at home too, the youngest is 3...
What exactly happens during those trips?
Feeling kinda dumb here but just getting started..
Coachmom

[momofMikhail]

Our region was another 2 hour incountry flight from Moscow!

Trip 1: 2 days on plane to Moscow and back home
Two days in Moscow, 3 days in region visiting our son

Trip 2: Again 2 days on plane to Moscow and back home
7 days in Moscow (register with US embassy, medical, and register with consulate), 14 days in our region (2 days in court and 10 days not waived, and wait for childs visa ) We were allowed to visit our son during the 10 days up to 3 times a day, but we had to pay a driver to take us to the orphange each time ($25 a trip).

Hope this helps!

[MissDaisyofTexas]

We completed our first adoption last year. We both traveled on Trip #1 (one week). We both traveled on Trip #2 and were gone for 26 days. I took FMLA for 10 weeks, so I had 6 weeks home (unpaid) after we returned from Russia. DH took 2 weeks of vacation for the 2nd trip and then his company gave him 2 weeks of paid paternity leave for the rest of the 2nd trip. He returned to work just a few days after we returned home.

For our next adoption, since we now have to think about our 4-year-old son, we will have my MIL stay at our house with him during Trip #1. For Trip #2, we will bring him with us, and he and DH will return home after court. I am going to stay in Russia during the 10 day wait and make the return trip with our new kiddo by myself.

[AngFL]

How will we do this?? I'm still not sure, LOL! It will be the most logistically challenging thing we have ever done. We have 2 bios and my aging, cranky, unthrilled parents (the grandparents who are retired) will keep them for us. We will be gone 1 week for trip 1 and then 3 weeks for trip 2 and we will pay for it dearly in guilt and complaints from my parents having to stay with our kids---this will be worse than the money it will cost. And they will not spare us any of the bad details of our children's behavior or anything else they found fault with during this "huge favor" we have asked. Yeah, not looking forward to it, but we have no choice. I am a SAHM and my DH will take vacation for the first trip and a combo of vacation and paternity leave for trip 2. We are assuming that as of the court date he can be on paternity leave. His company is very large (over 300k employees) so they have a great paternity leave package. We cannot do it in 3 trips, because of the enormous travel cost to go to our region---otherwise we would have done 3 trips.
I knew all along that having to be in country for 3 weeks and leaving our kids at home in the care of someone else was going to be the worst thing in the whole process......who knows.....I'm not there yet, but I'm very worried about it already and dreading it.
Good Luck!

[Bcelli]

We were in and out in 9 days for our first adoption in 1998 and we had no children at the time so it was a breeze as far as logistics go. With the second in 1994, DH went on trip one solo - my passport was in transit for renewal and DS1 was in school. The trip was 4 days. We took our almost 6YO with us and had to delay our court date by 5 additional weeks so he wouldn't miss too much school. As it was, he missed the last 10 days of kindergarten, but had already completed his requirements - had no other absenses and we worked with the school to facilitate the best outcome. It would have not been emotionally possible for us to leave him for the 19 days we were gone on trip 2. I only could manage a 4-week absense from work and with nearly 3 going to trip 2, we only had 1 week back home before I had to return to work. Luckily, it was summer and DS1 and DS2 could stay with my mother instead of going right back into an institutional setting of school or daycare. It wasn't an ideal arrangement, but it beat living in an orphanage in Russia. Some folks have greatly supportive employers and family and friends available to lighten the logistic load. Others are scraping by. It really is a crap shoot. We still think of possibly No. 3, but the logistics with 2 at home and in school and almost no control over the timing of everything, I can't see a logistical answer. If it's meant to be, I have faith that answer will present itself. It always has.