[tbogardus]

My wife and I were fortunate enough to have adopted a wonderful boy from the orphange in Luga (south of St. Pete's) in 2003. We began the process again about a year and a half ago with hopes of adopting a little girl this time. Unfortunately, we got caught in the middle of the adoption agency accreditation log jam (we're using AAI now, we used EAC on our first one) so that delayed things about 6 months.

In April we accepted a referral for a beautiful little girl that oddly enough is in the same orphange that our son was in. We took this as a sign.

Upon accepting the referral, we found out that the birth mother was a minor and an orphan herself so the paperwork might take a little longer, but we were told that we would probably be making our first trip in June/July. Then a couple weeks ago we found out that our case worker had been laid off due to cut backs in the agency. I immediatly phone the head of our agency's Russian program to voice my concern and she said she would find out some information for us. She told us a couple hours later that the baby's mother, although an orpahn had never been officially declared a ward of the state, so the government (not the Ministry of Ed) had to both make the mother a legal ward of the state AND termiate the rights to the baby at the same time. Since the government is officially the guardian of the birth mom they are the ones who have to give consent for her to give up the little girl. But since some sort of mistake has been made with respect to the MOTHER's guardian status we find ourselves embroiled in a litany of red tape over which we have no control.

Our adoption agency has given us a new case worker who is probably overwhelmed but the communication with them is not the best because they say there is little they can do. My wife and I are about to go out of our minds.

Any advice or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.

[MominPA]

I am sorry what you are going through.

I just have some questions. Would the government also have a say about the child once the birth mother becomes a ward of the state? Would the child need to go back onto the data base from day one if the government has a say about the child?

I would be making a list of questions for your agency from worst to best case situations.

I hope that you get a resolution of this hurdle soon and that you will be making your first trip soon.

[tbogardus]

No, apparently the Ministry of Education has already approved her adoption to us. I think it helped that we have adopted from there before, they even said the Ministry of Education remembers us (which I don't believe). In any case we were told that the referral is still ours. We tried to find out if this was a forced termination of rights or if the mother wanted to keep the baby etc, but they would not give us that information.

Thank you ever so much for your reply. I don't normally go to these forum things but I am becoming so despondent I was desperate for some other feed back from somebody else who has gone through this before. Thanks again.

[amyfk]

No advice but want to send you a big (((((HUG)))))> Hopefully someone else on this board will have been through this situation and can give you help.
Amy K, NJ

[MominPA]

Originally Posted by tbogardus

No, apparently the Ministry of Education has already approved her adoption to us. I think it helped that we have adopted from there before, they even said the Ministry of Education remembers us (which I don't believe). In any case we were told that the referral is still ours. We tried to find out if this was a forced termination of rights or if the mother wanted to keep the baby etc, but they would not give us that information.

Thank you ever so much for your reply. I don't normally go to these forum things but I am becoming so despondent I was desperate for some other feed back from somebody else who has gone through this before. Thanks again.

That is good news.

We adopted from the same region, but different baby house and people remembered us. The MOE might remember you or at least pulled your file from your first adoption.

Good luck and I hope you will get your travel dates soon.

[cathvash]

Wow! That's the first time I've heard THAT one! I am so sorry for the continuing red tape. My second adoption took more than twice as long as the first...

I do believe that the regional MOE may well remember you. When I went for #2, the MOE did not remember me, but DID recall my daughter!

Perhaps you will have to put an "emotional cost limit" on the timeframe. In other words, make a deadline for how long you are willing to wait before declining the referral and waiting for another referral. This might take some of the pressure off you since the "deadline" will make the final call... If you are able, hold back a piece of your heart until things are more certain.

Good luck, and thoughts and prayers your way!

[kretzklan]

I was also going to ask about the chance of requesting another referal - it would be heartbreaking, I know. It all just sounds so hard and the red tape could get longer and longer. The idea of setting a deadline for yourselves sounds like a good one!
Good luck! I hope you get answers as soon as possible!

[MamaChinch]

No advice, this is a first for me! Just sending you good wishes that it will all work out....!!!
also...HUGS!!!!

[karenmarq]

Oh, dear, it sounds like a complicated situation to untangle and as you remember, things just go so much slower in Russia.

I remember that ddahl on this board used to refer to her referral as the "candidate." I always thought it was a word that helped put a little distance in the situation.

We were told about our referral and given her name only (which we liked). But then we were offered another girl that came of the databank first. She was a beautiful child, but we didn't really care for her name, the IA doctors didn't give her a good recommendation...basically we just didn't feel like she was "our" child. So, we waited and have a little girl that fits really well in our family (even though a challenge lately!)

This whole process can be SO frustrating. I wish you the best in working with your emotions and listening for which way is the best for you.

Karen

[tbogardus]

We are hoping that we won't have to request another referral. I think we have the mindset that this is our little girl until somebody tells us it isn't, and when they do, they better be ready for a freight train of questions, because I am not one to let things go quietly.

They said we should hear something after 8/16 because that is when they come back from their Holiday, but with all else that is going on now, I am kind of getting skeptical about that as well; although they have told us they are pretty sure we should hear something.

Anyway, I am so glad I found this and I appreciate your feedback very much.