[Bcelli]

Another thread addressed the loss of original Russian documents by the U.S. government. This is an excellent jumping off point - especially for PAPs - to talk about requesting documents and information while in-country.

When we adopted both our kids, we wanted nothing more than to get through court, get custody of the boys and get back home. We didn't want to offend or inconvenience anyone in the process. We wanted to be unobtrusive and low-maintenance. We didn't and we were. After the fact, naturally, hindsight kicked in and we are still living with the "I wish I had" laments. Like:

I wish I had requested duplicate originals of the official documents, e.g., adoption certificate and birth certificate.

I wish I had JUST ASKED if we could have a copy of their ORIGINAL Russian birth certificates. (Not sure if it's even legally possible to get these, but without asking, we'll never know if it was or not. And while one region or even one clerk might say "nyet" another might say "da." Better to err on the side of asking, I think.)

I wish I had asked to waive the 10-day waiting period during our second adoption. Word was, the waiting period was not being waived for anyone, so we didn't even ask. But all they could have said was "no," so what's the harm in asking? They also could have said - "Oh, well nobody has even asked in ages. OK. We'll waive it." If you don't ask, you don't know.

I wish I had asked for copies of the boys' files from the orphanages. Again, I don't know the policy on this information, but I never asked. And policies differ from one location to another, one home to another, one office to another, one person to another.

I wish I had asked for copies of photos or permission to copy the photos myself with my own camera. I didn't. Our youngest son was 2.5 years old when we brought him home so there had to be photos of him as an infant. But I have none. And neither does he. All, probably, for the lack of my simply asking for them.

I wish I had asked for more anecdotal stories from the boys' caretakers and the orphange directors. Translating the conversations would have been a little cumbersome, but didn't we all have translators available and isn't that the service for which we paid them? We could have video taped the conversations. Had I asked, we would have more personal history and stories from their early months/years. But I didn't ask.

I wish I had asked about their birth families. I know in the case of our younger son that someone at his home knew his birthmother and grandmother well. We didn't find that out until court, but I never asked.

I wish I had asked to see/photograph our older son's accomodations. He was 5.5 months, so all he could have had was a crib, but maybe also where they bathed him, where he was changed, the orphanage kitchen. We asked for photos of these things with our younger son and although we were not allowed in these areas, the orphanage director took our camera, we showed him how to work it, and he took a few photos for us. I treasure those pictures - especially the tiny bunk with his name on a card in Cyrillic and the Pokemon sheets - and we have them simply because we asked.

I wish I had taken more photos of the staff at the orphanages. We have a few of our younger son's, but not enough. And we have none from our older son's home. Simply because we did not think to ask. We don't even know the names of the people who cared for them on a dialy basis.

I wish I had taken a blade of grass and a thimble full of dirt from the homes where each of our boys lived.

And we don't have it not because we didn't want all this information, it was because we didn't think about it in advance. At the time, we were too controlled by the enormity of the moment, the process of growing into a new family. That's a lot to wrap your head around in a short period of time, especially in a foreign environment, and seemingly smaller items can fall away and get lost.

For those who have been there, what other laments can you share with PAPs to help them list their wants and priorities when they travel to bring their children home? Some of these requests could even be fulfilled or set up on the first trip so any lead time to make arrangements or access information - like tracking down photos - could be provided for between trips 1 & 2.

[Jessi_76]

GREAT, GREAT, GREAT post, Becky!!!! I have written down the things you wish you did so we can attempt to get these things. I do know we will get the original orphanage file, but that's about all...I hope we can get some of these valuable things when we are back there.

Have a great day!

[Bcelli]

And Jessi reminded me of another:

I wish I had asked if our younger son could be with us at the hotel during the 10-day waiting period. Had I asked and had the judge said yes, it likely would have made the plane ride from H-E-L-L so much easier for us all, but especially for Luke.

[Max'sMommy]

I am with you on alot of these but every time I ask... (and I asked for several of these wishes) we were told with a stern NO. Some regions and orphanages let you take photos ask many questions. Others you can not have anything. We could take photos of the orphanage on our 1st adoption but rec'd no documents, our 2nd adoption lots of information, birth photos, but no photos of the orphanage sleeping area so on. So I guess it is where you go the information may be different.