[ericamoore]

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to get some feedback from those of you who have adopted internationally. My husband and I decided to look into adoption last year. After reading several horror stories on domestic we deceided to look into international. I know there are risks involved with both as far as medical conditions and the fact that the youngest child that can be adopted is 9 months. This will probably be our only child and we really want to make sure we make the right decision. We have spent thousands and thousands of dollars on ivf in the past few years that was unsuccessful. We keep getting the run around with the agency that we are working with and I am just wondering if this is a sign. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[Bcelli]

DO NOT work with any agency that gives you the runaround. If your agency is not straight-forward and responsive to your needs and questions, then you are not their first consideration and there may be more going on behind the scenes than you know - or may want to know. DH and I took 2 years to find the agency that suited our needs and both our adoptions went very well. The agency - however - is no longer in business. The right agency for you will be able to find the child you want to bring into your family. Girls always take longer than boys because there are so many requests for girls, but that doesn't mean girls aren't available and it doesn't mean if you want a girl the wait has to be endless. We chose Russia because we wanted a permanent adoption. The U.S. courts have gotten into the habit of legislating from the bench so much that you don't know from one court to the next what the 'law' is going to be. I didn't want to get involved with any of that. (To all: No flames, please. It's a personal opinion and nothing anyone says will change my mind on that point.) We completed our most recent adoption in 04 before all the accreditation issues, so I'm sure some of the more recent APs could PM you with agency suggestions that might better suit your needs. If you are financially committed to the point you cannot get out, it helps to arm yourself with research and demand action. These people have been employed by you to provide a service. They aren't doing you a favor. You are paying them handsomely. You need to be persistent and keep a sense of humor. In the end, when you are home with your son or daughter, all the 'stuff' that irritated and/or scared you in the process will start to fall away and all you will see is your beautiful family. Good luck and God's blessings along the way.

[GCS]

There are a lot of pros to adopting both domestic and international.

It really depends on what you are looking for. A few questions you want to ask yourself:

How young of a child are you willing to accept? You should assume a child from Russia would not be younger than a year old.

How much health information are you willing to accept/have knowledge of? Most of us have very little information on our Russian children's early months/years - little to no health info, no birth family info, and no understanding as to how those formative months/years are going to affect our children long term.

From what I have seen you should expect to spend about $45K today to adopt from Russia. So you should compare costs if that is going to be a problem.

You will need to plan on traveling at least twice to Russia - maybe 3 times depending on region. Is this feasible for you?

People adopt from Russia for many reasons. We felt called to Russia after reading about the need there, the number of children in orphanages and their slim prospects for the future.

Good luck!

[Jessi_76]

Hi Erica,

We will all be more than happy to help you, and lend advice; this group is GREAT!!! Whether choosing domestic or international, is a very personal decision that many factors must weigh into. I will give you a little bit of info about why WE chose international vs. domestic, and then if you'd like to pm me, I'll be happy to give you information about our agency who has been beyond wonderful.

For us, we'd come to terms with not adopting a newborn. We felt in our situation, we'd rather make something really good out of a painful situation. We wanted to take the bad we've gone through and make something wonderful. To us, that meant giving a home to a child (or in our case, two children) who would otherwise NEVER, or may never, have that. We felt that with domestic adoption, any baby/newborn who is put up for adoption is pretty much guaranteed a loving home with a family who really wants a baby as there are waiting lists a mile long. The children in foreign countries, living in institutionalized settings aren't guaranteed that, or anything. These babies will change our lives, so we wanted to change theirs too. International is where we would make the biggest impact.

After all we'd been through, we wanted to get it right! We didn't want a failed adoption too. While there is never a guarantee with that, doing hard-core research helps!! We spent six solid months researching, interviewing and re-interviewing agencies to find the perfect one. And we did! To me, after meeting countless families adopting, it seems that agency selection makes all the difference - in ease of process, length of process (whether you're waiting two months or two years for a referral), etc. I'm sure MANY people here can share experiences with you privately on their agency and whther they would or would not recommend them.

I understand the pressure, the worry, and the risks with adoption, but honestly, as soon as we began looking into adoption, we KNEW it was the way to go. Our hearts were touched and captured forever. We too tried IVF to no avail, and all-in-all spent about $50k. I look back and cringe that that's what it took to get here, when in our hearts, we now know that this was the plan for our family all along. But it's a means to an end and we'll never wonder now, "what if" -- we truly believe that our five years of TTC prior to beginning adoption were because our children were not yet born. And now, six years after our journey began, we are on our way to legally adopt our two precious angels in court. We leave in just 8 days!!

Anyhow, I wish you the very best of luck, and look forward to following along on your magical journey!
Jessica

[Jessi_76]

Hi again,

Two posts appeared while I was posting mine, so I will respond to what they've said as well.

I TOTALY agree with Becky. Find the right agency and girls and young children (9 mos-ish) ARE available. I also agree that all of the things that may have once been issues no longer become important!! And, I agree that it's SO important to have the finality of an adoption (Russian adoption offers that, domestic does not). ALL GREAT RESPONSES, Becky!!!!


In line with what Christina said, I agree. Plan on at least $45k to adopt one child. Our estimates are about $95k-ish not including readoption in the States (which I've heard in my state is about $2500 per child), but including EVERYTHING else - food in Russia, hotels, etc. etc. That's for two. So figure ($47,500 for each). We are making three trips. It is VERY costly to fly to Russia and this should be considered in your decision as well. All in all, we've spent $20k on airfare alone. It's really stifling, but when you think about it...this is the absolute BEST use of money you could EVER spend. A good agency will not "take" your money without offering you a guarantee so to speak, and will put the money in escrow until your adoption is final. Also, everything gets paid in "shifts" so it's not all one lump sum. This helps. Our expenses have been spread out over our nine-month process, however, the bulk being in the last month, for sure.


Again, best of luck!!
Jessi

[ericamoore]

Thank you all so much you all made some great points. I was misinformed about the ballpark price to expect from my agency. They told me around $30k with travel expense.

[mommyto4]

We felt led to and a strong desire to adopt form Russia. Also because of the finality of it and we were not comfortable with an open domestic adoption. We have bio children and were open to toddlers,requesting as young as possible. Our children were 1.5 and 2.5 when we came home. I feel blessed to have had the opportunity to adopt from Russia and would not change a thing it was an experience of a lifetime and continues to be Just be prepared and educate yourself on post institutionalized issues these children usually come home with, no matter how young they are when coming home. The transition and adjustment period for your family will take longer and will be alot different than bringing an infant home. The more prepared and educated you are the easier the transition will be for you and your child. Best wishes in your decision.

[MominPA]

Originally Posted by ericamoore

Thank you all so much you all made some great points. I was misinformed about the ballpark price to expect from my agency. They told me around $30k with travel expense.

Erica,

A lot depends on when and what region you travel from. If you travel in the winter it is a whole lot cheaper then the summer. Staying in a hotel in Moscow is very expensive. Alot depends if you are making two or three trips to Russia too. Also if you need to travel the last minute your Visa expenses will go up.

I would expect spend at least 40K. I would rather estimate high then low.

[sissyminsky]

My DH and I adopted domestically in 2005. However, I originally joined the forums looking at international and I still lurk to keep myself aware of what is going on in the adoption world.

By posting your question on this forum, I think you have probably already decided in your heart. If financing and travel work for you, you should find an agency that will work WITH you.

That having been said, happy domestic adoptions can happen - there are ups and downs and risks in adoption so as much as possible you have to choose the battles you are willing to face.

Regardless - find a nice agency - the research for this part will definitely be worth it!

Best wishes!

[Shark01]

As usual, when people are discussing adopting babies under 1 year old, I think back to our failed adoption. So many times, there is limited information on the birth parents AND pre-natal care. Things can change from normal to scary health-wise very quickly.

Our story was we visited an 8 mo old, everything seemed great, but in the 2 months between 1st visit and court Doctors prognosis got worse and worse. We finally bailed out.

Of course it doesn't always work out badly, its just more risky than say a 2 year old with a more known, stable health history.