[Jpride]

My son is 3 years old and has been home for 8 months. Both he and his sister have stayed with my husband's parents for one night and today they are going to go camping with my parents for one night. DS LOVES his grandparents and loves spending time with them. However, we are in complete melt down mode today (crying, weeping, etc) because after nap he is going to go camping with Grandma and Grandpa (DS also loves camping).

He says that we wants to go camping, but we have spent the morning in tears.

I am not sure exactly what I am looking for other than maybe some of your experiences with kids spending the night with grandparents. We have been home 8 months, and he tends to still worry a little when I am gone.

Is this weeping thing normal and we just have to continue working through it. I have been reassuring him all morning that we will pick him up tomorrow after nap.

The last time he spent the night with his other grandparents, he came home almost mad at me, but grandma said that he did great and had a lot of fun. This lasted for about 6 hours and then he was fine and went about his business.

Any thoughts, experiences, etc would be welcome as I sit here in tears. Thanks!

[Ktates]

Oh I so know how you feel!!! It's the worst feeling. My dd came home at 14 months. both grandparents live close by and asked for sleepovers. I wasn't ready and dd kept saying no as well. Last summer/fall when dd was 3 and 1/2 she totally went through a stage where I really couldn't leave her with anyone else. My dad came to pick her up one afternoon to give me a much needed break and she just freaked and wouldn't get in the car. So I didn't get my break! There was a definite fear of me leaving and not coming back for her.

My suggestion would be to hold off on the overnights if you can. If he has a real concern about being left or you not coming back then try to do some shorter visits - to help reinforce that you are coming back. He hasn't been home that long so he is still adjusting.

When you do have to do sleepovers or drop offs try not to tell him to far in advance. I found this just ended up worrying dd more - so I would just tell her that morning if she was going to Nana's later - and be matter of fact - "yippee you are going to Nana's later - you will have so much fun!" rather than oh don't you want to go to Nana's?

Hang in there - it will get better! now my dd loves her sleepovers...

[Kasey]

He might not be quite ready for it yet and unless it is an absolute neccessity, I would probably hold off or go with him for the camping trip, or have him just go for a few hours and pick him up later?.
If you have to work or something you can't get out of, send him with pictures of you, make sure he can talk to you on the phone as much as he needs to, especially before bed and first thing in the morning.
He is probably insecure about leaving you and whether you will be back.
8 months is still early home and it sound like he may be struggling with some issues in terms of being away from you.
Best wishes, I know it is hard!!

[angelkisses0102]

I agree with the above advice...it is probably too soon!

Both my kids were infants when adopted and DD was 4 or 4.5 before she stayed at SIL's (just 10 miles away.) DS was 3.5 or a little older when he stayed at the IL's condo (they are only here part time but DS had been there many times before)...but DD was with him so that helped. So DD was home at least 3.5 years and DS was home about 3 years.

They are supposed to stay there tomorrow night and DS is not so sure...so we will play it by ear.

[mommyto4]

Agree also with above posters. Would only let others watch him if it is necessity. He is still going through the adjustment/attachment phase and it will likely cause confusion and set backs. You know your son and will know when the time is right,it is hard to put a timeframe on when the time is right, but home only 8 months is still pretty early on. Be prepared for family/friends possibly not to understand, but doing what is best for your son is most important. Best wishes.

[Waiting2Be]

DD has been home 2 years this month and is 3.75 and has yet to stay with anyone other than us, we still have a hard time just going out to dinner with the grandparents watching her as she is so afraid that I won't come back. This last time was better at least no major melt downs like the pervious 2 times. We are talking about trying to leave her for one night, but I don't know if she or I are ready.

[Drazil]

What they all said! My son has been home going on 4 years and he has yet to stay overnite with anyone, it just has not been in his best interest to push him. Until early last year we lived in the same area as inlaws so they saw him weekly and babysat regularly (at out home so they could put him in his own bed). We did have some issues with them not understanding but we did what was best for him. Being that you are only home 8 months (still in honeymoon phase basically) I would take his lead and forget the overnites for now. Good luck!

[votemom]

i would agree that it's much too soon.

[heikewould]

Yes, I know I'll probly get the rolling eyes for this...but, Samantha came home to us at 9 months. We spent the first 6 months pretty much just immediate family. One year later my parents watched her at our home for 12 days. (she was 1.8 months old). They have had many overnights with her at our house. That's a great way to have the little ones realize mom and dad are coming back, it's their house! Between age three and four she has now spent up to four night at their house. At least four phone calls a day just to let her say what she needs to! It's your in-laws and parents, and just as they said, he was having a great time.

If your able, drop him off later in the afternoon and pick him up in the morning at breakfast.

[amyfk]

My child has been home over 1.5 years now. A few months ago my DH had to go on business to Nashville for Wal-Mart. Joanna and I stood for three nights at my parents' home 10 mi. away. The first night was a rough patch, but after that she did better and better. And she sees my parents a lot.
When Joanna was home a year we went on a cruise vacation for our tenth wedding anniversary(though we celebrated it on our 11th--the 10th was right after we came home from Russia)(dont all throw tomatoes at me now). She got used to that after a hard night or two.
I think in the end you have to use your best judgement. Only you know your child, and you have a gut feeling if this trip may make him regress. I hope you guys find peace with your decision.
Amy K, NJ

[papedge]

Emery has been home almost five years he did not spend the night with anyone til we went to Russia for court and then for pick up he did well me not so I was so worried about him he was at MIL he did wounderful now he spends the night every so often. and he loves it. They ask if Emma can spend the night and I say no she is to young she is 2 and i am not ready for that.

kim

[angelkisses0102]

OP~
So how did it go? Did you send him? Just curious and hoping everything worked out the best for all involved.

[Jpride]

Yes, DS did go camping and he did GREAT! I am glad that we had him go. He had a great time and was wonderful for Grandma and Grandpa and he was all hugs when we picked him up.

Having said that, I do think that we will wait a bit longer before we do any more over nights as leading up to the time away was so stressful for him.

We will continue with the shorter, couple-hour trips away to make sure he is secure in the fact that we will come back.

THANKS so much to everyone for your thoughts!!

[karla-k]

If it makes you feel any better, my bio son is 4 and is just one of those insecure, mommy's boy, home body type kids. He likes going places and spending the night, but we always have an adjustment period after we return home. Tantrums, limit pushing, etc.

I agree that if you plan to have him go somewhere, don't tell him too far in advance, it just creates more worry and anxiety.

I am glad he had fun camping

Karla