[angelkisses0102]

Another great piece.... A4everFamily.org - Going the Distance

I love this ...

Your child will only reach his full potential under your fervent care and attention.

How long will it take?

It will take as long as is necessary.

Those eight words speak volumes. Attachment takes as long as it takes. While we can help (or hinder) it along...there is no magic bullet, no magic attachment wax like the article mentions...we just have to plug along until it happens (with or without help depending on the individual situation.)

[Sally26]

Thanks Karen, great article.

We've been home four years and while our issues have been mild, I still wonder will we ever feel like attachment doesn't have to potential to be a problem?

How much damage would it do to go away for a weekend? Do set backs that can be smoothed over with work upon return leave life long scars??

[ophelia72]

You always find teh greta articles thanks a bunch!

[angelkisses0102]

Originally Posted by Sally26

Thanks Karen, great article.

We've been home four years and while our issues have been mild, I still wonder will we ever feel like attachment doesn't have to potential to be a problem?

How much damage would it do to go away for a weekend? Do set backs that can be smoothed over with work upon return leave life long scars??

Sally,
All I can do is speak from our experience...I know both my kids are firmly attached in a healthy, secure manner at this point.

DS has been home 4.25 years...has been securely attached since he was home 30 months but it took me another year to 'know' this. Meaning I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop for that year...but it never did. Does he still have some minor insecure moments...yes but I believe that has more to do with his fear of abandonment than his attachment. Perfect example was last week...DH potentially had to go out of town so we prepared DS for this. He got a little panicky and his behavior deteriorated. DH did not have to go away and DS then admitted he was scared that DH would go away and not come back. Would he have survived if DH left and came back...of course! But it doesn't stop him from being nervous. I know in our case, DS does recover without any scars...at this point...and it is healthy for him to see that we leave and come back.

DD...home almost 6 years...even though she transitioned so smoothly...it was still work and took a couple of years. Granted she never displayed attachment issues but I never expected her to attach immediately and was a huge attachment parenting follower for...well still am. She too displays some insecurity that I attribute to fear of abandonment more than insecure attachment. Now with the scenario of DH last week...she just wanted to know if she could sleep in my bed while he was gone...LOL. Of course that is for her benefit to feel more secure and not a big deal to me. I said yes and we got no behaviors.

I personally believe that at some point, you can stop worrying about attachment...but what is that point? Who knows...every situation is different. Some kids like DS make it easy to know and address immediately...some kids honeymoon for 6 to 12 months...some kids have issues pop up (usually following some traumatic-to-them-trigger) 3, 4, 5 years later. For DD that did happen last year when her friend passed away...but we worked through it with relative ease because her attachment had always been so natural and strong.

Hope this makes sense and helps....there really is no magic moment...it is usally found in hindsight.
K