[karenmarq]

We've been home with DD a little over 2 years. She has been so easy and happy going. People would ask, "Do you rent her out?"

Lately, after turning 3 1/2, its one thing after the other. First the sleeping and monsters. She's progressed with the potty training, but only up to a point. Now alot of attitude and not listening and slapping.

Wham. Such a surprise after SO easy.

Not sure what I'm asking for. Just tires me out.

Thanks,
Karen

[beckyww]

I've always heard everyone talk about "Terrible 2's." My three bio daughters didn't have "Terrible 2's," but their 3's...oh. my. gosh.

Live improved after about a year.

Good luck.

Becky
www.woodworthfamily.blogdrive.com

[Max'sMommy]

I have to say my 4.5 year old boy went through this. No hitting but up and down behavior. Very upsetting!!!! When he was sooooo good for sooooo long. My friend said 3's are tougher than the terrible Two's. For us the 3.5 to 4 years of age was really hard. He did not listen to us, and we had many problems at preschool. Thankfully our preschool teachers worked great with us. Then one day poof, he was back to being a lovable great kid. Hang in there!

[GCS]

I have to agree with the above posters. 3.5 years is when we started to see trouble with our sweet girl! Not trouble so much but she was always such an easy baby and toddler and then, presto! Not sleeping as well, moodier than ever, demanding and wanting to be babied.

We brought DS home at 3 and 3 and 4 years were really tough! He grew out of alot of it but I sure was concerned that first year and half or so home!

No advice just in the same boat!

[Kasey]

I also agree, 3-3 1/2 was the roughest so far with our oldest, he is now 4 and so much better. 2's were a dream, 3's were not.

Younger guy is 2 1/2 and he is starting with some of the behviors I remember from 3's-rather get it over with quicker though!

Hang in there, it isn't fun. Find what works best for you and her in dealing with the behaviors and be consistent, but just remember it doesn't last forever!!!

[karenmarq]

It really helps to hear about others having the same thing happen. Not sure about holding out for a whole year of it!

I went to the library about the sleeping and the suggestions were helpful, and we've kind of worked into a new routine.

So, I headed back to read about some new ideas for the discipline stuff. Ugh. I try some new thing and it doesn't work for her, and I just end up getting angrier myself. I guess it is just trial and error until you can make some impact.

Karen

[Ebadge90]

It is amazing to hear that other parents are going through the same things we are. Our son has suddenly starting talking about monsters. Where he got that, I have no idea? He was also doing really well with potty training, and then all of a sudden, he has no interest. He has also just picked up stomping his foot, as he repeats his favorite word, NO.

[Kasey]

We had the monster thing for about 3 months (right after he saw Monsters Inc at his cousins house). We had to do the monster sweep every night before bed and daddy had to put the monsters in the trash can.

It gets better, than yuo move on to them correcting you if you say something wrong, it is usually prompted by< "actually mom, a tiger doesn't do that it does....."

At some point my 4 yr old became smarter than me!

Karen-what I found that finally worked but positive reinforcement and goals.
We made a goal book, each page was a different behavior (using words not hands, listening ears...) he had 4 behaviors and each page was for the month. It went back and forth from day care to home and we all worked on it together. If he had more stars then minuses at the end of the week, he picked a prize (dollar store coloring books and stickers), if at the end of the month he did well he got to pick out a special activity or toy.
This had made an amazing difference for us. He was never one to respond to time outs, but reminding him that he wouldn't get a star for the day if he didn't redirect hisbehavior really got him on the right track.

[Max'sMommy]

We bought thoses Ugly dolls, One is Chuckanucka and he worries about everything, even monsters in our house, we even were so desperate we told him that Monsters do not live in brick houses. To this day he still believes about the brick houses and poor chuckanucka has been under the bed for about a year! We do take him out to travel around the house. Ha. But we hear nothing about monsters any more, we did just hear about spiderwebs all over our house but that was it.

The correcting is driving us crazy too, we just now say "please do not correct us and no arguing, or we are not going to discuss this any more."

[MamaChinch]

Here's a typical conversation with my 3.5 year old:
"No, Mom, I didn't."
"Please don't argue, Delaney."
"I"m not"..............etc, etc, etc....(and this is mild example!)
Correcting, talking back, arguing, attitude, smartmouthing......yep, life with a 3 year old! She has started being openly defiant, just to see what I will do. UGH!
Getting up from bed.....and she started with the monsters, also. She watched the movie and had toy from McDonalds so weputthose away. I gave her some Monster Spray, water in a pray bottle,that seemed to help, she sprays all around her room and seems to feel secue about the monsters.
I offered dollar store prizes for straying in bed. But it seemsI can correct one behaviour and see finds new one!
The rock jar and magnet chart work well to get her motivated. But I feel for you! She was very easy at first too...then she got an opinion!

[karenmarq]

Oh, dear. We don't have the correcting us thing yet. Something else to look forward to?

I like the sticker, prize, reward system idea. She seems to respond to that with the potty training (she picked out a Sesame St. potty book with stickers at the grocery store herself).

I tried taking away computer priveleges which she loves, but that didn't help and the time out thing just doesn't work either.

I guess it is why they encourage you to get to the potty training early so it doesn't happen as the same time as defiance.

On the monster thing what worked for us was also emphasizing the positive...this is a SAFE house, there are no monsters, over and over. The spray did not work.

Every child is so different, you need a big bag of tricks!

[mommyto4]

Karen, I feel your frustration. Do I believe 3's are more difficult than 2's often times yes. Having bio and adopted I've had my share. Just want to also throw out there that pi is very different than bio, the issues surrounding the negative behavior is different and a parents response to it needs to be. More negative behavior is often more obvious when pi children become older more verbal, school age. The issues prior to that time can be more subtle and go unseen. You mentioned timeouts don't work and taking away computer doesn't work,that is very typical with pi children and not surprising. Someone mentioned that pi children often have no realstate, no strong attachment to any object because of their history. Try more attachment parenting, the more attached she feels to you her negative behavior should decrease , because children should not want their parents to be sad or upset. Often pi children lack that empathy,and like to see their loved ones upset, they are trying to anger you to see if you will still love them. I know this is a difficult time but if it is handled now then life down the road should be much easier for the both of you,many have seen similar behavior although not all openly discuss it here. Best wishes and prayers going out.

[Waiting2Be]

All I can say is that I am with you. My sweet little angel left us at around 3 and we have yet to see her return. Replacing her is the talking back, hitting, growling, not listening little darling that is now 3.75. Some of the behaviors have gotten better, others have gone away only to be replaced with new ones.

We also have monsters, or so she says that is her reason for getting up in the middle of the night, we have tried to get rid of them, and for a while it works, and then all of a sudden - boom - they are back!

I am just hoping that 4 is better, for all of our sanitities.

[karenmarq]

"Try more attachment parenting, the more attached she feels to you her negative behavior should decrease , because children should not want their parents to be sad or upset."

I think this is really a good idea. I think when you've been home a while and there haven't been any issues like others have said, you kind of even forget about this.

It really has been heartening to hear other's stories.

And, yes, I want to be handling this "right" now so that it doesn't escalate into more problems later.

[sak9645]

My daughter's preschool director once told me, privately, that the families referred to the "terrible twos, the horrible threes, and the 'bleeping' awful fours."

Some kids start their terrible twos well before age two. Some don't start till they are 3 or 4. These latter kids often seem to have worse behavior because they are simply bigger, more active, more verbal, etc. Everything just seems BIGGER, including the messes and the noise.

The good news is that the worst period, whenever it occurs, tends to be relatively brief. Most kids turn a lot more reasonable once they hit five or so.

The bad news is that some "terrible twos" behavior, at whatever age it occurs, is actually normal and a good thing. It is a lot like adolescent behavior. The child is beginning to learn to and want to be independent, but he/she simply isn't totally ready for independence. So you just have to learn to live with it and channel it.

My daughter had a very mellow toddlerhood. She is now 12. I'm waiting to see if toddler behavior is a good predictor of teen behavior. So far, she's doing great, but we've only just gotten started! Stay tuned until she is 14!

Sharon