[SingleMiamiMom]

My caseworker stated I can be somewhat specific about the characteristics of my child...and I can also request a child who "looks like me"...They say they try to match a child to my picture.... But she then said, being specific may prolong a referral.

For example; I am of meditteranean descent (italian), so I have dark hair and eyes, and originally am thinking I want a child who will resemble me.....but then I don't want that to be the determing factor in the selection of my child. My main concern is to have a healthy child...or at the most a child who may have mild issues that are correctable.

Did any of you request specifics, other than gender and age preference...?? Would it be better to just request gender and age and let go of physical characteristics..?

[Drazil]

We requested a boy between the ages of 12 months and 24 months (mostly so we could track development milestones clearer/easier). Our agency did not allow us to go any further with specifics than that and we would not have at any rate. Also, because our agency actually requires an interview in person (so they were well aware of what we looked like) as well as our director was the one that actually traveled to Russia to personally match each family with a child (alot of personal interaction on the part of the director as she was familar with our family dynamic at that point) we felt we did not need to be more specific. I guess alot will depend on your agency in that regard.

[pwnort64]

My agency allowed me to request specifics, but again, with the same "warning" that the more specific I was, the longer it could take to receive my referral.

I was given a medical checklist and asked to rank the things I would definitely accept, maybe accept and definitely not accept...my goodness, it was like 3-4 pages long and covered everything from life-threatening illnesses to cleft palate and missing digits or limbs.

In the end, as far as physical characteristics, I chose simply an age range and even left the gender piece to "chance". Ironically, my son is the spitting image of me and my family.

[kretzklan]

As we were adopting older children, there was a large "pool' of kids waiting. My in-country representative told us to let her know what specifics we wanted in a child and she would match us up. We chose not to do that...we felt weird about it. We just wanted children who we could include in our family...didn't matter what they looked like.
In the end our middle son looks remarkable like our oldest son (who I guess looks like me - according to others) and our DD does, in fact, stick out a bit. The only blondie in our family...the only glass wearer...but, of course I'm biased, the cutest darn thing ever!

[angelkisses0102]

With DD we made no requests other than gender and age...and she looks like across between myself (EE) and my DH (Italian). When she was a baby she really looked a lot like me.

With DS we did request a Eurasian featured child...dark hair and eyes, and darker skin...due to the prejudices they face in Russia. Actually we requested a baby girl...as young as possible from a certain region with the above listed features...below is that 'baby' 4 years later. Looking a lot like his mama. You just never know. (He had white blond and clear blue eyes...and fair...in fact he was checked to see if he was Albino as an infant.)

[AdoptingJules]

We had the choice to include specific traits or characteristics, but other than age, health and gender are leaving her looks to chance. It has been my experience that most of the referrals received with our agency do look an awful lot like their parents. Being overly specific could cause your referral to take longer, but a dark hair/eyed child shouldn't be that hard to find as there are Roma/gypsy children as well as children of other ethnicities that are available with dark hair and eyes. Good luck and God bless!

[MamaChinch]

My agency allowed the requests, but I only requested female under 18 months of age and healthy with minor correctable medical conditions. It did not matter to me the ethnicity, as I knew many people in Russia come from many diverse backgrounds. As other's have said, everyone tells me she's the spitting image of me.....clerks in the store, etc. I have to admit, I did just think she'd have blonde hair, but she has beautiful brown silky hair. She actually looks a lot like my mom.
All of the families with whom we travelled childrens' looked like them! Even perosnalities matched!
When I got home from trip one and described my daughter to a friend, she said, you know you just described yourself!
It really depends on what's important to you, but yes, it could delay your referral.
K ~ what cute pictures, I did always think he looks a lot like you!

[Jessi_76]

Hello

Russia is a melting pot, just like the U.S. with every type you can imagine, and I truly and honestly believe that the Ministry of Education derives great pleasure from trying to match children with the parents based on their physical characteristics, whether you request it or not. In our interview, just a few days ago, they made a point to say with a HUGE smile on their faces, that they think both children look exactly like my husband. I believe they feel it's like playing matchmaker. Just my opinion, but I think they will probably refer a child to you that looks like you - they do require pictures of you and your family so they know exactly what they are doing. We have met quite a few families in our travels that are adopting, and in our opinion, every one of them looks like their APs.

Have a great night!

[Bcelli]

We requested only gender and age. Boys both times - and 'starter kit' for no. 1 son (he was 5.5 months) and 'between 2 and 3' for no. 2. He was exactly 2.5 years. Amazingly, people say they look 'just like brothers' though I don't really see that other than general coloring (And yes I know they ARE brothers - but they mean in the biological sense). :-) When we were there last, there was a couple who adopted a little boy about a year old and they had made no specific requests - as I recall - but their son looked EXACTLY like his mother. It was uncanny and they seemed a little surprised by it as well. It's a personal choice and if it's something important to you, then by all means let your desires be known. It it isn't really that important, then bypass it. In the end, the child who is meant to be yours will amazingly find his/her way home. Good luck and God's blessings.

[amyfk]

Our main criteria for a referral was "health." From what I recall, we were not allowed to specify eye or hair color for what we wanted from referrals.
I have dark brown hair and eyes and ironically none of our five referrals had blonde hair and blue eyes(which we expected from Russia). Our child that we accepted was the "healthiest" of the batch and we were comfortable accepting her referral.
Ironically, now that I'm home, I can pick and choose whom I want to tell my adoption story to. My child also has brown hair and brown eyes and she has curly, wavy hair like me. I even get comments saying that I look like I could be her biological mom.
When I was in process, there was a large agency that did Russian adoptions. From what I read, they tried to match up physical characteristics from the adoptive parents to the child.
So I wonder if some authorities handed our referrals our way for a reason. I shall never know.
Amy K, NJ

[ddahl]

We were very specific in all of our requests and we were told we would be waiting longer than most and we waited and waited as my signature shows.

I think its amazing though because I feel that our hearts were motivated to request certain things by a higher power. Our son is all we ever dreamed of and so much more than we hoped for. I think you have to go with your heart. Search deep to really know what you want and in the end you will get the baby ment for you!

Like Amy said above, people always tell me he "looks just like your son" DUH!!!! He is!

[cathvash]

It's important to be specific about the things that are IMPORTANT to you. If having a blond with blue eyes in the family would make you uncomfortable for whatever reason, be specific. Russians are very understanding of those who want children to blend in to their families, since adoption is often kept a "secret" in Russia.

I think one of the biggest mistakes people in this process make is to NOT be specific enough in your request letter. This is THE letter that the MOE goes by when matching you. -They will match you with the next available child on their "list" with characteristics that closely match your request.

For me as a single parent with limited time/money resources and a need to work full time, I was most concerned about health status, knowing I could not take a child to multiple appointments during the week. I wrote in comments such as "would be accepting of the referral of a child with correctable medical or surgical conditions, but not the need for major surgical intervention..." Okay for institutional delays but not for "health conditions that would require longterm and ongoing visits to a doctor or therapist". Ok for exposure to HIV, Hep C, but not active disease or positive screen. I wish I had been more specific actually... I did not specify growth parameters, and ended up with the initial referral of a child with a head circumference not even on the chart...This child later ended up with a family able to provide intense nurturing care at home. (The lesson is that it's really okay, because even if you forget to be specific, you have the option to wait for/ receive a different referral.)

And just a note of caution on the other side- For those things that are NOT important to you, don't specify or go broad. I specified 18 months-3 years for age. I actually ended up going younger, and wondered why I had specified 18 months on the bottom end when it was just a slight preference on my part for an older child... Good luck!!

[Shark01]

Although I understand that requesting an "ethnic" child would decrease the wait time, a child of gypsy descent might match the OPs skin tone, we made no such request.

On the other hand, an acquantance of ours told her agency ONLY a blond infant girl would be acceptable. Now the agency was very uncomfortable with this and said they couldn't request this and that the family would have to review referrals on individual merit. This family turned down 4 or 5 based solely on appearance before getting one they would accept. But the kicker is she wasn't blond, more of a reddish-brown color. So I guess they got tired of the struggle. So they did complete that adoption.

[RBSVARCHER]

Absolutely!! We requested brown eyes and blonde hair - DS has big brown eyes and "fair" hair because blonde translates to the word "fair"

We were age specific also and if you look at my time line in my signature you will see how quickly we got our referral.

BTW.....everyone thinks DS is biological - Yes they DO try to match your child to you! It is amazing how many children's pics I've seen on this board who without me knowing I would be sure were their biological child/children.

Good luck - and God Bless You!

Susan

[beckyww]

We requested a girl, aged 4 - 8. That's it. Julia had her sixth birthday two weeks before we met her.

We were told that our in-country rep first noticed her because she looked so much like two of our DD. And the judge pointed out the resemblence in court, with a huge smile on her face.

I think they try.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX