[hope.miami]

Hello, ladies!
I have been following you for a while and first of all, I would like to thank you for all the time you devote to pass along so much useful information.

After 7 failed IVFs (looking for my first baby) in the past 5 years, I am almost ready to move on... We will be having our last treatment in August. I am not very optimistic though and recently my husband and I started to consider adoption. I tried to read as much as I can but this is a new world! there is so much information to process... We are inclined to consider international adoption (with local adoption I am scared about the birthmother changing her mind!!) and specifically Russia or Ukraine.

I understand the first thing to do is to choose an agency. We would be looking for an infant, healthy, Caucasian baby; gender is not important to us. I know that is not easy, it takes time and in the end, with all the information received, it must be a leap of faith. However, there seem to be some agencies better than others for infant babies. Some of them even have their own medical team in Russia maybe?

I have already contacted Families Thru International Adoption, European Adoption Consultants, Frank Adoption Center and Catholic Social Services in NC. The last one appealed to me as it is a non-for-profit organization and they are accredited in Russia, but they do not seem to be a big agency.

I would very much appreciate if you could PM me your recommendations. In your experience, if you were in my shoes, which agency would you choose and why?

I live in Miami, Fl but I guess that is not relevant in choosing an agency as everything (except home study) can be handled by email and phone, right?

Thank you so much!!

[Drazil]

Hi and welcome! Yes, you will get very useful info on this site. A couple of things right off the get go, the chances of getting an "infant" in Russian adoption is slim. Of course you must define what "infant" is but the chances of COMING HOME with a child under 12 months old is pretty much not happening any more. Even if you get a referral at 10 or 11 months old the child will probably be in all likelyhood over a year old at homecoming (or more). Agency advice, under NO circumstances should you even consider an agency that is not reaccredited with the Russian Government at this point, just not a good idea. You can do your homestudy and get that going before you actually choose your agency and I would take that extra time to research, research, research. Read, read, read everything you can get your hands on regarding attachment/bonding parenting and issues. If you think you have read enough then start over and reread everything again. Your agency will make or break your adoption experience so take your time on that one. Be educated at all costs you will not regret it. One last thing, this process is not for everyone so really search your soul when starting out and as you go forward. We personally had a wonderful (and very quick) process and experience (in 2004) and our son is healthy, smart and beautiful, we credit our agency for that, not everyone can say that!!! Good luck with everything!!!!!

[kretzklan]

Be tough in your agency interviews - have a list of written questions and get answers to all of them. It's most important to know about their accrediation, but also get recent references, info about the age of most recent referals, fee structure and what it covers - you get it. Don't let them back you down - if they can't answer your questions - move on, they aren't for you.
And, as above mentioned - an "infant" can mean different things. Most children I hear coming home are 14+months. So, search your heart and decide if that is right for you. We had a failed adoption from the Ukraine in 2001...their process is quite different from Russia's...so look into that option also!

[hope.miami]

Drazil, thank you for your tips! We are fine up to around 2 years old. All of the agencies I contacted are accredited in Russia and I always thought that it would be a good idea to find the agency first (so they could lead the process) and then do a home study. Am I worng? I also found out that some of the agencies have suggested local social workers so I thought that would be one less issue to deal with. I will be interviewing agencies soon, do you mind sharing the name of your wonderful agency by PM? I understand that there is always an element of luck so do not worry about me complaining later!!!

Kretzklan, thank you also for your time! I have not heard good news about Ukraine lately (few, older kids, bureaucracy, failed promises) but I saw a woman from Florida (maybe you have heard, Ukrainian Angels) who adopted 9 kids independently from Ukraine and I thought that could be a possibility... I am sorry for your failed adoption.

I wish we had a government agency (not affiliated to any private agency) where we could search for unbiased information about the status of each country, like they have in Europe...


Thanks again!

[becky26]

I just sent you a PM with some agency information. It is great that you get yourself slowly prepared. But I still hope that your treatment in August will be successful. All the best!

[TweetyMom04]

Hello and Welcome!
I'll PM you

[votemom]

i would also recommend researching the different russian regions. it's difficult, becuz the "adoption friendliness" of the various regions is constantly changing. when you are asking questions of your agency, ask which regions they currently work in, and then ask how many adoptions were COMPLETED in each region over the past 1-2 years. also ask about how long each of those adoptions took, start to finish.

you can have a terrific agency, but if they give you a referral to a slow or difficult region, you are stuck.

[Ebadge90]

hope.miami, I have been in your shoes. My wife and I went through invitro using donor eggs we wanted a child so badly. When that process did not work out for us, we turned to adoption, and for the same reason you mentioned, we went international. We are now the proud parents of an almost 3 year old.
It is a long process, but well worth the wait. We got the referral at 11 months, and landed at home with our son at 14 months.
As others have said, and will continue to say, stay on top of the agency. Do not wait for them them to give you an answer to a questions that you have. If you have a question, ask them. This is not their first adoption, so they may not feel that a little issue needs to be brought up. This is your first adoption, and you have no idea what might come up. Stay on top of them.
And to be very honest, my wife and I got more info from this board than we did from the agency. Things they failed to mention we already knew because others here had gone through the same thing.
Best of luck in your decision on an agency.

[cathvash]

Hello and welcome! When you talk with agencies, ask them how many children they have brought home over the last 4-6 months, and how old they were. It is important to get a feel for whether the agency is actually being successful in processing adoptions continually and quickly. If most of the children were older, this is probably the group they deal with most often... I hope your heartbreak will soon turn to joy. Good luck!

[MamaChinch]

Welcome! Ditto what Eddie said, remember the agency works for you!

[Drazil]

I pm'd you with alot of info including our agency!

[angelkisses0102]

Welcome from another South Floridian...(north of you.) Our experiences are dated...adoptions in 2002 and 2004 and the local agency were used was closed down (a good thing.) Just want to wish you all the best in your journey.

I suggest you posting this at frua as well...there is open 'debate' on agencies there.

I would choose a well established agency (in Russia) who is accredited and has VERY recent successful adoptions of children in your age range. I would also choose an agency that does not have a tremendously large wait list...too much can change in Russia (and IA) adoptions. Boy referrals are much much quicker in most cases...and baby boys are so precious...girl referrals with some of the larger agencies is well over a year...too long IMHO. I have read on frua that some smaller agencies have shorter wait times for girls when compared to the 'biggies.'

I would also look for an agency that prepares you for PI children and adoption in general...not one that just shows you cute photos of beautiful Russian babies, toddlers, and children. (One of my huge hot buttons is PAP preparation and education.)

Good luck in whatever manner you look to grow your family!

[hope.miami]

Dear all:
I am overwhelmed by your welcome!! Well noted all your tips and I have already responded to all PMs received. Thank you, thank you.

I feel like I do not have much to offer to the board yet so I may be silent for a while but I will be reading you all...

Thanks again!!

[Jessi_76]

hope.miami,

WELCOME!! Like you, having gone through five years of failed InVitro and fertility treatments, we turned our attention 100% to International adoption last July after our final IVF failed. However, we began researching a few months before this, and decided that no matter what, adoption is in our hearts, and meant for our family. Had that IVF worked, which like you, wasn't very likely, we still would have adopted. The minute we "connected" with agencies and began reviewing materials, we "just knew."

Although our children aren't home yet (we just got back from our first trip two-and-a-half days ago), I wouldn't change a thing...not a single thing! I would NEVER choose to go back and get pregnant. I would WAY rather have this experience. Will pgs still hurt, yes, but it's not what was right for our family. I think it will be ultra clear to you when you have found the right country and the right agency. For us, it was like a light clicked on and it all was right there waiting for us!

We researched agencies, interviewing and talking to them for six solid months, and I would never regret it. Our agency is AMAZING!!!!! I had liked some, but when we found, "the one," it just clicked. I'm a firm believer that is because they are the one agency who had access to the region, the orphanage, and the children that God predestined for our family. When you talk to your "right" agency...you will know it!! Ours was near the end of our six months of research, when I was feeling very confused, and in an instant, it all became crystal clear.

The total process for us so far has been 7 months and we are just waiting for our court date. Our kids were 8 mos. and 17 mos. at referral (one boy and one girl), and 9 mos. and 18 mos. when we met them. We are expecting to have them home around 11 mos. & 20 mos., God willing. They are healthy as can be...

Feel free to pm me if you would like more information, and remember, just because one agency is right for someone, doesn't mean they will be right for another. But, do not be deterred by distance. Our agency is on the other side of the country, and I've NEVER had to wait more than a few hours (usually not more than a few minutes) to get an answer to a question.

Good luck, and I hope this journey leads you to your dreams!!

Best,
Jessi