[Jessi_76]

Three hours after receiving our referral my husband was finally able to leave work and come home. And then there it was...the sound of our hearts crushing, as we read through this girl's medicals. I can barely type this through my tears. I have already sent off to our IA Dr. at CH to review...hopefully they can put a rush on it since we're supposed to leave in just five days.

Anyhow, the report states the birthmom as "Invalid Group I Mental Disease" - this TERRIFIES us. We cannot adopt a child who may have schizophrenia or another serious mental disease. It's just not in our capability. With our boy, we just KNEW...we knew he was right, and the sadness of receiving a referral that doesn't seem right just crushes my heart. I know many of you have been through this. It's not a done-deal yet...I mean, we have to see what the Dr. says, but we've prepared ourselves and are expecting the worst.

Has anyone ever had anything like this on medicals before? Did you accept/decline? How is your child today if you accepted? What did your IA Dr. say about it?

I called the clinic and spoke to the receptionist and am waiting for a call back from the OT.

Help!! :cry:

[momraine]

I know that the place my daughter was supposed to go when she turned four was called an asylum, and they did not differenciate between physical differences and mental. My daughter was born with deformities of both legs and on hand. She has no mental or psychiatric issues at all. She is a wonderful, smart, loving child. The man who drove us said he had been told all his life that all the kids in the orphanage had bad blood and there was something wrong with them. See what the docs say, but by itself I would not worry about it. Hopefully the docs will check for FAS since alchoholism that inhibits daily life would be considered a mental problem there. I have also heard that in some regions epilepsy is considered a mental condition and is not well understood or treated. I don't know anything about your region. I will keep you in my prayers as you make these decisions though.

[Jessi_76]

Thank you so much, Lorraine. I really appreciate your advice. It does say "mental disease" so we ruled out the possibility of a birthmom with missing limbs, etc. but you are right, maybe that's alcoholism, in which case we have to be ultra careful about that. Either way, thank you! I will surely keep everyone posted when we hear back from the IA dr.

[votemom]

it's possible she could have had a nervous breakdown or severe depression as well.

take a deep breath, and try to find out the facts... not the "what if's". i know that's easier said, than done.

i'm not familiar with this so i can't give you advice, but hopefully others will be able to shed some light on things.

[Jessi_76]

Thank you, votemom!

I'm on the edge of my seating waiting to hear back from the IA Dr. I don't know how they'll even be able to determine or make a judgment on a statement as vague as "Invalid I group on mental disease" - unless the roman numeral "I" is the key...maybe that is the classification. We'll see I guess. It's such a happy time, and yet such a painful one too.

I truly appreciate your advice.

[Shark01]

We had a similar issue pop up recently. While we were visiting our referral in February, there was this just strikingly beautiful 9-10 mo old girl in her play group, friendly, big smile, everything.

So we innocently say to the baby home Doctor that we were sure she would get a home soon. But the Doctor shakes her head and says she will be here all her childhood because her mother is insane. She says what happens is that the mother isn't considered competent enough to legally relenquish her parental rights. Plus, if the mother has a genetic mental issue (this one didn't), the child would not be put up for adoption.

So you may end up OK.....keep the faith

[Jessi_76]

Thank you!!

I didn't realize that they ruled some children out of adoption because they had inherited genetic mental disease. That's very reassuring. I hope that is the case here. It's just such a difficult situation. The little girl is so cute, and the rest of her medical looks pretty remarkable for a Russian adoption. We just want to be ultra cautious, especially because we have accepted our referral for our little boy and we have to take him into account in all decisions we make going forward. He is going to need a ton of love and attention for bonding, attachment, etc. and we need to make sure we have that to give. A severely mentally disabled infant would take all of our energies, which would be unfair to the child we've already accepted into our hearts.

She's very small though, so of course now I am thinking and rethinking what Lorrraine said about FAS...that may be our issue. It says "no information" after Smoking and Durg Abuse, and doesn't mention maternal alcohol use, but that doesn't mean a thing really.

Thank you again, Shark! And congratulations on making your first trip to Russia!! How exciting.

[ddahl]

Any news? WOndering if you have heard anything yet. Keep us posted! Sending prayers your way!

[kretzklan]

Our DDs records were worded almost exactly like that. Her father was in a wheelchair - paralyzed from the waist down. They called it mental disorder because the cause of his paralysis was unknown. It is so often assumed that a mental disease is the cause for anything that is hard to explain. Our DD is more than fine. Very typical young lady (she is 9 now) and there is no genetic "insanity" for sure!

[ophelia72]

Keep faith ask God for direction. I know that may sound preachie, but I know that when I ask God to Guide me He always does. I will have you in my prayers. Remember we make the best descisions we can make with what information we have the rest is in his hands.
God be with you.

[Jessi_76]

Hello again,

Ophelia ~ That didn't sound preachy at all. In fact, that's exactly what I did this afternoon - before I even read your post, and honestly, He gave me the answer. Now, He just needs to have a conversation with my husband.

Michelle ~ What a relief to find someone whose report said the same thing. Oh, thank goodness. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Ddhal ~ Thank you for the prayers. Thank you so much. I will post my update below.


I spoke with the IA Dr. for 70-minutes this afternoon and she doesn't know anything about the mental disease and would like more information, she said typically Russians grade medical conditions on I,II,II, etc. and a I is the most mild so she doesn't think it's cause for too great of a concern. She said it's possible that it's like mild anxiety or mild OCD or something like that. Dh was VERY upset that he wasn't here for the call. I hope he believes me when I relate the info back to him and doesn't think I'm exaggerating just so we can adopt this little girl. She's SO incredibly adorable (IA Dr's word - and she called her beautiful) that he thinks I'm letting my heart decide when it shoudl be my head. I personally think that I am letting both decide. That's why I spoke with the Dr. That's why I was so worried this a.m. - b/c I was going on my head.

Wish me luck talking to dh. We have to BOTH be on the same page here. My heart (and head) are in it...I want to go and meet her and put my trust in God.

Have a good night, and thank you SO very much, all of you, for your support!

[hml1976]

I would make sure you post this on FRUA too, I think its a pretty common diagnosis on Russian medicals Good luck!

[GCS]

Good news from the IA dr! Best of luck to you. We all know how hard these decisions are and we are thinking of you!

Christina

[pwnort64]

Yes, the way that the Russian medical community classifies things does not match to the US medicine at all. My son was in a baby home that was called "Orphanage for Infants with Psychoneurotic Deficiencies". He absolutely has no deficiencies....

[amyfk]

Hi Jessi,

I am finally reading my posts. It's after midnight and I know you go to bed early.
I dont know a lot about this "invalid stuff" but the best thing you can do is to speak to the IA doctor. IF you feel youre too upset to concentrate, have someone else listen in on the call or ask if you can record the call. I had my dh and once my brother listen in on a referral call because I got nervous as hell.
I dont know, but I know that the Russians do tend to pepper up medicals with all sorts of bogus stuff to make the kids adoptable. Many folks have that "perinatal encephalophy" on the medical, and they will tell you their kids will end up ok.
I would ask the agency if they can find out exactly what kind of condition the birthmother had, that they would list that she is an invalid on the record. Sometimes they can come back with an answer, and sometimes they cannot. I think it's worth your while to see if they can pin it down so you can have peace of mind.
Lastly, I hope you get more specific information. I just want to let you know that some types of "mental conditions" are very liveable and treatable and some arent. So hopefully you can find out what youre dealing with. There are millions of Americans who live with anxiety disorders and depressive disorders who live a full, enriched life. They have to go to therapy and are on medication management, and they do just fine. In fact, youre talking to one of them right now . So I would try to find out exactly what you are dealing with. Things may be much better than you anticipate.
Amy K, NJ