[mjkkbbr]

My DD came home almost 2 yrs ago at age "8". Immediately we assumed that her age was understated. We have guesstimated about 1.5 yrs based on her appearance and growth. We finally decided to get a bone age test. We are correct. She is at least 11 not turning 10 like her paperwork says.

Now that we know the truth what do we do????? We have not talked to her about the test results. She is in 3rd grade and acadmeically doing grade level in everything except reading comprehension and writing. If we adjust her age she should be in 5th grade or maybe even 6th. She does not "fit in" with her class. She is a head taller, maturing physically and we expect her to start mentruating within the year. If we skip 4th and put her in 5th next year (still a grade below age appropriate) I am afraid she will be very upset. She knows she is a year older than her classmates. At arrival she did not have many memories of her birthparents. She now tells everyone that they were both extremely tall as a way to justify her size. She is 5'0'' and about 95 pounds. She wears womans size 8 shoes. Her classmates are wearing kids sizes 8 and size 3 shoes.

If you have been through this I would much appreciate your comments.

Jennifer

[MatveysMama]

This is a very tough situation and I am sorry you and your little girl are having to face this new worry. Is there any chance at all that she could be home educated for a year or so to try to catch her up to her age level academically? The social pressure of being in a grade you don't belong (up or down) is enough to really slow down or hinder her academic advancement completely. Obviously this may not be possible, but even if you hired a tutor to help her get through this tricky time, it might be useful.

Good luck!
Melissa

[ddahl]

I am just sending you prayers that the answer will reveal itself. I have the opposite problem. When we received DS referral we were surprised that he was so much older than we requested but went with it. Mentally we had it in our heads that his age was 15 months and he was 18 months at tiem of comig home. Now he is home 2.5 years and we can seee from looking back that he was so small at the time of trip one and trip two. He was very tiny but what did we know? Our friend don't have kids. He is now one of the smallest in the class and accordig to the pediatrician, he will stay that way . There is some concer that he might be younger than originally thought. Its a tough one either way. Maturity wise he acts younger than his given age.

I would say in your case, that to move her in the same school would be very hard on her. Have you asked her what she thinks?

[beckyww]

We've had girls in third grade here starting their periods. As she gets older and everyone around here hits puberty, they'll be shooting up. So she's a taller now - pfffttt. Each year - heck, each sesason - that is going to be less and less of an issue.

If you start jacking w/her age now, you're going to be explaining it - calling more and more attention to her.

I'd leave it alone. I'll bet it's a non-issue in less time than it'll take to try to "fix" it with far fewer repercussions.

But that's just me.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[Mykidsmom]

I have not gone through it, so just my opinion.

I would want her to be comfortable academically, if her current grade is a good fit I would not be concerned. Sounds like she handles it if it comes up, her parents are tall.

I would not make an issue of it, if it is not an issue for her. If she is not having any problems, I would keep it to myself now.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

As a 3rd grade teacher, I agree with Beckyww. They will all be hitting growth spurts in a year and will catch up to her.

Also, it may not be up to you to decide what grade she is in regardless of her age. Where I teach it would not matter, she would not be allowed to skip grades unless she was tested and scored on that grade level and from what your post stated she is working on her grade level or below? in reading and writing.

I would let her progress naturally from this point on. Physically, by 5th grade, there will be students of all varying sizes due to puberty and who hits it first. Even when I taught 4th grade I had some girls wearing women's clothing and some wearing the same as 2nd graders. Also, in my three years at the third grade level I have had as many as 3 girls in a class of 22 that were menstruating so she probably won't be alone in that area either in another 6mo to a year.
Kim

[aimeemk]

When I was growing up, we had some girls that were just big compared to other girls. They started there periods earlier and developed breast earlier.

Also, I wanted to point out that the bone test are not 100%.

My daughter is huge compared to the other kids her age and she is more academically developed as well. She is reading and she is not quite 4. She has always been off on the growth charts. We met her at 6months and she was home at 11months. The way we confirmed her age is by her fontanels. They were not closed, and she did not walk until 13months.

Like I said she is now almost 4. She is 43lbs and 45inches tall. She is wearing size 6 clothes (most peers wearing 4t) and a size 12 shoe (peers closer to a size 10) She is a head taller than the tallest in her class.
If we would have not gotten her so early, I would swear she was closer to 6.

I would let things be, as Becky said earlier. In the amount of time that it takes to fix or correct; the other girls will mostly likely have already caught up. I would also rather my child be were she is doing well academically.

just my 2cents or maybe 50cents.

[kretzklan]

We had/have the opposite issue with our kids...they both seem to be younger than we were told. In the very beginning, I looked into age adjustment - the legal process. My oh my, it's difficult. Even with bone tests, you have to submit a TON of proof that the age on the birth certificate is incorrect. It seemed insurmountable to us and we decided that it was not worth it. I'm sorry she feels out of place, but do you feel that she would feel more at ease with girls 2 years above where she is now? It seems that she would struggle with the work in 5th grade, along with the stigma of switching grades and the constant explaining that would be neccessary. I think it would be so much for a young girl to deal with. Our oldest son was always much larger - foot, height - than all those in his class (and he's the youngest in that grade)...but just this year (6th grade) they all caught up. He is now middle of the road.
If you do decide to move forward, she will have to test to change grades - especially skipping one - I would say all school districts would require that. But, if you go that route...try to move her to a different school. I worked in a school district for some time and they were very hesitant on moving kids forward (skipping grades) or holding kids back - the social aspect can become a bigger detractor than the educational aspect. Then kids start disliking school and that causes a great downward spiral.
God bless you in making this decision - I hope you find peace with whatever you choose! (sorry my post is so flitty...)

[Aphi86]

I also have been a teacher at a private school. It is a common practice to red shirt kids here. In fact my first year I had a set of twins who were Fall b'days and had attended primer (between kinder and first) so in many ways they were almost 1.5 yrs older. It made no difference especially once they got to 5th and the kids started growing and you had kids of all varying heights and weights.

[momraine]

I have no real advice, other than to offer a listening ear. My daughter is 8 and in third grade. She is the youngest in her class and small, but the attitude is already a teen one, that scares me.
Good luck. You know your daughter best and how she would react to this news. Also if you can legally change it you might think about what the info would mean to her later. Would she be upset knowing she is old enough to drive but having to wait a year and a half? Etc.

[hybell]

Bone age tests can be extremely inaccurate, and early neglect can either cause bones to "pause" growing, or to speed towards puberty, making the child appear older than they really are.

My son's bone test showed a bone age of 3.5 at nearly 5 years old. We know his birthdate is accurate, and that he experienced significant neglect starting around age 3.

[angelkisses0102]

Precocious Puberty...you may want to research this as well...here's a good article. Because DD was starved as a baby...I have this always in the back of my mind.
Increased Risk of Precocious Puberty in Internationally Adopted Children in Denmark -- Teilmann et al. 118 (2): e391 -- Pediatrics

[Howdy]

I think you should openly share the information with your daughter, though if the bone-age is not reliable, then be sure to state that too.

If she is telling the other kids that her bparents were tall, then she must be feeling like she needs an explanation for being different, she might as well have your thoughts on it too.

My daughter is in 6th grade and is a bit of a Dolly Parton. She gets teased by the other kids and even overheard some parents telling their daughter that she stuffs her bra. She has had some very sad times about it. If it was last year she'd have still been at the age to just show everyone, but (luckily) she has reached the age of modesty (but also being very sensitive about it).

I wouldn't just recommend you not worry because the other kids will be catching up and then your daughter will be okay, the problem is now and the damage to her feelings will be done before the other kids catch up. I'd think your daughter would be relieved to hear another possible explanation.

[momm2be]

If she isn't doing the school work, I think you will have a hard road ahead of you trying to change grades, and really it may not be the right thing academically.

Aside from her height, how does she relate with other kids. Does she flock to other 3rd graders? Or older kids?

My DD is starting to develop in 3rd grade. It's not precocious puberty at this age, just the beginning of puberty. DD went from being in the middle of the pack in height at the begining of the year, to being on the taller side now.

In her class their is one girl who is just plain tall. Her parents are tall, her brothers are tall. At age 8, she is taller than the teachers -- at least 5'2" if not taller. She catches everyones eye. But what I have seen of her she is very confident... her mother has pushed her in sports that build self-esteem - Tae Kwon Do, Competitive Swim team. Maybe focus on esteem building activities - somethings that me be in multiage group so she feels one of the pack.

I think changing age after she is cognizant of her age,would be very confusing.

[KellyKA]

I wouldnt worry to much about it. Even if she is older than originally believed to be, it is probably best for her to be kept in a grade level that best suits her needs.

I had the opposite problem always being the youngest in the class and it seemed the older students had an easier time. I was always really smart but i think if I had been one year behind I would have excellend even further. Plus I was the last one to get to do everything... I couldnt drive untill my senior year, couldnt certain jobs between highschool and collegebecause I wasnt 18. And a whole bunch of other stuff, and to make it all worse I was HUGE too. I had always been really petite ad small but caught in in size by 4th grade however that year I grew 9", ( I went from about 4'7" to around 5'5 started my period, gained ginormouse boobs and then never grew again...... Ive gained weight and proably 1/2" in hight since then but I looked like a very awkard very young adult and it was hard both emotionally and phisically. I couldn't excercise due to my ligements beign overstreched, my joints all swelled really bad, I had strech marks everywhere and was just really embaressed! But people started to catch up the next few following years and about 90% of everyone else was there by highschool and everything fell back into place. But I definantly wouldnt push her ahead into a grade she isnt ready for. Lots of girls are maturing alot earlier so hopefull by fall next year she wont feel so different from everyone else....

Its really hard with adopted children especialy with the uncertenty of the beginnig of their lives. My cousin who was adopted and has many disabilitys was adopted at 3 but had only laid in his crib the first few years. He had the abilitys of an infant at the time and couldnt even support his own head or sit up. He is now 5 but had to learn EVERYTHING once he got here and could recieve the care he needed but there is now way to expect him to function the same as a 5 year old.

Dont worry about what is expected or what should be normal just do what you think is best for her!