[angelkisses0102]

Yes I am at it again...but there are some lessons to be learned from this...

A couple runs into horrific problems after they adopt two brothers from Russia -- OrlandoSentinel.com

But ask yourself this: Could you forgive, continue to raise and unreservedly love two boys who had lived with you only two months if you believed they had raped your daughter? Could you sentence your youngest to living with her attackers, regardless of how much supervision you promised?

"People need to be aware how bad it can be when it goes wrong," the father said

[momraine]

I think honestly you can't know what you would do until you are in a position. My heart breaks for this family, the parents and all the children.

[amanda_p]

I can not even imagine what this entire family is going through. I am speechless.

[GCS]

What a heartbreaking story.

I have to agree with Momraine and say that you don't know what you would do until you are in those shoes.

[mmarshall79]

That is heartbreaking. I just can't imagine what they are going through. My question is was there a failing of the agency here? Why were these disclosures not made BEFORE the adoption to these parents about a violent history towards little girls?

I have to admit when we first started considering adoption over the summer we considered taking an older child even a 10 or 11 year old since so few ever get a chance. But we read enough sad stories to now be looking for an infant/toddler.

It would seem to me that more agencies would want to sponsor hosting programs so that families can meet these older children and live with them for at least a few weeks before making a decision. I have yet to hear of a horror story coming from a child that was hosted first. Has anyone else?

[KarynB]

I guess I don't know what I would do but I can speculate. This story is horrific - and nope, I can't imagine continuing a relationship with children who raped my daughter. I can't imagine pouring resources, time and energy into the relationship, I just can't. I know it sounds cold, but after dealing with our son who has mild/moderate attachment issues I just can't imagine putting myself out there to be hurt by two kids who raped my daughter. I wouldn't subject her to living with her attackers, and the possibility that it would happen again.

Wow, this is really a sad story...

[bethy724]

Maybe international adoptions should have the 6 month waiting period like adoptions out of US foster care. Just a thought - I don't know what the "answer" could be-or think there is one. I still foster & will not take a child older than my 3 year old son as he gets older I'll have to re-visit it becuase a younger troubled child can be a danger to any person (or animal) in the home. The agency & orphanage should bear some responsibility. Are there any US laws or oversight into orphnages/foreign agencies? I adopted domestically thru foster care-I'm not sure of the regulation of US adoption agencies or foreign agencies-maybe there should be. God bless all the people involved including these boys brought to a foreign land that don't speak the language now in FL.'s foster care system. How horrible for all involved.

[momraine]

There are two problems with that.
First off the US government has no authority over foreign orphanages. The other issue is that in most countries where people adopt, they do not recognize RAD, in some they also don't recognize FAS or other things.
RAD is one of the things that does not show up on blood work or any easy test. When American agency reps go visit an orphange, the kids are going to be on thier best behavior. Kids with RAD are very charming to strangers. It's not until they start settling into a family that the issues are apparent. The orphanges are often overcrowded and understaffed. The staff are sometimes good and sometimes bad, but even the good staff members can only do so much with so many kids and so little to work with. I too would never reccomend adopting kids older than the ones already in the home, just becuase this kind of thing could happen. Another issue is that many adoption agencies do not require very much education. So many parents have no idea of the possible problems. Neither adoption agency I used required education, I educated myself and read everything I could get my hands on. By the time of my second adoption the homestudy agency was requiring education. I was glad to see it. As for the two boys, I feel that even though this was a rough transition for them, they are still better off. I pray they will end up in a good foster home. They will get medical care, education and enough food most likely. This may be more than they were garanteed in Russia. This family will be in my prayers. All of them.

[amyfk]

Holy mackerel! What a situation! I am not in the family's shoes but in that kind of case where a child is a clear danger to the family(especially the minors) I think they did the right thing.
What a sad story all around.
Amy K, NJ

[RavenSong]

Isn't this the reason that most agencies advise potential adoptive parents not to adopt out of birth order? I wonder if the parents were even counseled about the importance of following the birth order of their other kids. It sounds like their agency didn't do a very good job...

This is such a tragedy for everyone, especially the little girl who was molested and/or raped. And, honestly, I don't know what the perfect answer would be. I have a friend who is the executive director of an inpatient facility for juvenile sex-offenders. And she often tells me how incredibly difficult it is to make any headway with them. Chances are that these boys will eventually make their way into Florida's juvenile justice system. It is so heart-breaking to see young predators in the making, especially those who have suffered extreme abuse and neglect, themselves.

[beckyww]

Why on earth would they have adopted older boys with little girls at home? That is just dumb. Tragic. But dumb.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

p.s. I might - over time - forgive. Might. But I would never forget.

[amyfk]

There is one thing I was thinking about after I put in my first post.
When prospective adoptive parents try to adopt from Russia they have to give all sorts of background information, eg. fingerprints, police background check, social worker/homestudy approval, etc.
I would think that since Prospective Adoptive Parents are required by law opening up and sharing their past with Russia and the MOE, I would think that in the case of older orphans living in the orphanages, the Russian govt. MOE should also be obligated to let prospective adoptive parents know if older orphans come with preexisting conditions.
Amy K, NJ

[DET62]

Yikes, what a sad thing to read. I am a big advocate of the adoption of older children, but it doesn't always have a happy result. I just adopted a 10 year old boy last year from Kazakhstan. He is the sweetest, most loving child imaginable.

The parents had no choice but to get those boys as far away as possible from their daughter. That was the right thing to do. Their daughter would have been more harmed if they had kept the boys in the family with her.

What these parents need to do is bring a lawsuit against the agency for not disclosing the kids' behavior in the past. I am appalled that this agency let these boys be adopted without disclosing this to the potential parents.

Dee

[ddahl]

24 hour line of sight and some extensive research on older child adoption might have given them more knowledge to know what they were dealing with.

I imagine that at 11, the boys were sexually active in the orphanage. Despite how we raise our children in our loving homes, the reality is that at 11 and probably unsupervised the majority of the time at night, that behavior was probably very common. A toxic combination for any family not fully prepared for those grim realities. Especially a family with young girls. Not that it happens with every child. Very sad all the way around. Everybody loses.

What would I do?? As a parent? I would be kicking my own A double S.

[angelkisses0102]

My question in all of this is where the heck was the agency and the social workers?!

I have seen both boys on a photolisting to *rehome* them and I hope to God that any prospective family is given the truth this time around or the cycle will continue. The description of the boy who held down the 7 year old while she was being raped states he is a loving child who was influenced by the other boy. The child who raped the little girl is listed as having issues with women and girls. (I get they can't release all the info on the photolisting but still...I hope to God they are truthful to any PAP who shows even the slighest bit of interest.)

There were 4 RED FLAGS FOR DISRUPTION in this situation and while it is easy to blame the family for not preparing better...I know all too well that many unethical agencies outright lie and/or withhold information and do nothing to educate PAP's...where was the SW? Where was the agency?????

So the red flags...
1.) Adopting out of birth order
2.) Adopting virtual twins
3.) Adopting two at once
4.) Adopting an older child

I applaud the family for talking about this...while I totally support older child adoption...PAP's need to be educated on all aspects of adoption and sadly older child can have more issues just due to the length of time they may have been in the orphanage. (I also know infants can be severely impacted as well..from living it for almost the past 4 years.)

I truly think this family did the best they could once they discovered the abuse. How sad for all involved, including teh two boys who were probably severely abused themselves.

Karen