[angelkisses0102]

When Adoption Goes Wrong | Newsweek Culture | Newsweek.com

Thoughts on this anyone? I will say that it is probably one of the best, most honest mainstream articles I have ever seen. PAP education is vital...understanding what our children have experienced prior to arriving in our homes and how to parent them when issues arrise is vital. International adoption is not for everyone and anyone who considers it should be fully informed and educated.

One thing I know is incorrect however is the number of disruptions...there is NO statistical database which tracks the disruption of international adoptions. Many are done privately once the family comes home...and in the case of China, many are disrupted before the family even brings the child home. The numbers I have seen consistanly over the past few years is in the 100's per year for EE adoptions, and with China one every two weeks to twice a week in China alone and that the vast majority are to American families.

Comments or thoughts?

[amyfk]

Thanks for sharing Karen. Very interesting reading, but sad also.
I think there needs to be more action on part of the adoption agencies and the adoptive parents.
I think adoption agencies and homestudy workers should give prospective adoptive parents information and lectures(for lack of a better word) on the potential issues of international adoptees. So many Paps, are so excited to move on to become parents after suffering from Infertility and the like that I dont think they know or think about all of the ramifications that PI kids may face. I also think that many of the adoption agencies act as businesses. They should also do follow up after the children come home at regular intervals to see if there are any issues that are coming up. They should also be a source of referrals to therapists and early intervention specialists.
I also think that if adoptive parents feel overwhelmed that they should reach out to their agencies, homestudy agencies etc. I think there may be a feeling of "shame" from some of these folks that they should be able to handle whatever comes their way. However, they should be encouraged to seek help and support and know that there is no stigma associated with it.
Amy K, NJ

[kretzklan]

I read this article a day or two ago and have thought more about it since then. I (as many of you know) struggled with attachment for over a year after our return home...I did contact my agency and one of the best things they did for me (more than one person there) was to say that it was normal, I was normal. There is no "right" way to handle an adoption. I was glad to see some slight amount of compassion in the writing for the mother. What she did in the end was, quite obviously, wrong and hard to stomach...but what she lived through (it seems she was very alone), was impossible for others to understand. If she had reached out to the right people for help, the end story could be so different.
I also think the lady that runs the camp seems like a saint!

[angelkisses0102]

Peggy Hilt wishes she'd heard this message years ago. "If I knew then what I know now," she says, "I would have gotten help for Nina and for me." The best she can hope for now, she says, is that her story will prompt others to seek that help before it's too late.

To me this is probably the only good thing that can come out of Peggy Hilt's situation and the death of Nina...that it will continue to be talked about.

Too often our agencies, at least mine, are done with us once the last check clears....err I mean we come home with our kids. Kretzklan you are very lucky that your agency was not only available to you post adoption but that they 'got it' as well. Post adoption support is vital and is most cases is completely lacking or a-parents are afraid to ask for help...which they should not be. If PAP's are educated and agencies uphold their ethical obligation to prepare and support us...Nina's death very well could have been avoided. <sigh>

[Sally26]

Great article thanks for sharing it Karen. I was glad to see all the comments made to it-good and bad. It will help educate those adopting.

[GCS]

Thanks for posting this Karen. We get Newsweek so I read a few weeks ago when it came to the house. I kept meaning to find it online and post it here, but I am a little scatterbrained lately.

This was all fore front when we adopted in 2004 and we were questioned by the judge about abuse of adopted kids in America.

What scares me still is that agencies do not take an active step to educate PAPs before they sign up. I am amazed by how many people still go into this with very little research upfront and the expectation that their new child will assimilate in time just as their own biological children would.

[amyfk]

I read your link to Newsweek Karen and I just ran across the hard copy of it earlier today in the doctor's office.
I adopted one child from Russia. Before we left I did all of the reading--about attachment, adopting toddlers, etc.
I was very fortunate(sometimes I dont even appreciate how fortunate I am) that my child is healthy and attached right away. I expected more issues frankly.
After reading the article, however, it sort of got me gunshy about adopting again. In a way I really want a brother or sister for my child Joanna, however, I dont know how good I would be (honestly) If I ended up with a child with major issues. I guess the children the author is writing about are in the minority, but It makes me hesitant about going back and doing it again.(I know my husband is scared too).
Amy K, NJ

[DET62]

I thought this was an excellent article - sad but important to read. So often parents have romantic notions of their kids and don't understand that even infants can have serious issues.

As a mom of two older kids, I have heard it ALL. I was told I was crazy to adopt my daughter when she was 13. I was told I was crazy to adopt my son since he is "handicapped" - I put that word in quotes because he's not handicapped, he just has a few extra challenges, since he only has one hand.

Often parents just don't educate themselves on what to do and where to get help, if their kids exhibits significant behavior issues. I know of one family who disrupted the adoption, when they could've had a different result if they had simply PREPARED better for the child's issues. The little girl was not that bad at all. I was appalled when I learned of the disruption.

The Deborah Gray books are great resources for parents.
An informed parent is going to make better choices, no matter what age child they adopt.

Thanks for showing us this article!
Dee