[tigger44]

I want to ask what others have experienced and if you've found something to help your children with nightmares. Our daughter has them regularly, most nights of the week. She cries when she's having bad dreams but by the time I get alert enough and get into her room, she is over it and seems to be sleeping calmly again. A lot of them occur just prior to when she wakes up. But just as many seem to occur during the middle of the night. Occasionally they are strong enough to send her flying into our bed and clutching to me for comfort.

I always ask her the next morning what she was dreaming about that made her cry. Her answer is always something like "there was a snake in the house", "there was a crab in my room", etc. I'm wondering if these images are coming from her books or something on TV or at school.

During her first year home with us she had the dreams about abandonment, and because I was mostly sleeping in her room with her I could calm her down by just speaking to her.

She is a spirited, imaginative, fiercely independent and strong willed child. Her preschool teacher describes her behavior as being the same as it is when she is with me and at home. So, there is a lot of conflict during the day between what she wants and what I am directing her to do. I think some of her dreams are about this as well.

I think her attachment seems great (she is just over 3 years old, and has been home a little more than two years), so this is probably more normal to her age, etc., but if anyone has any great tips or info related to PI children or non PI children and nightmares I'd love to have it. Looking for something to help her have more peaceful nights of sleep.

[kretzklan]

I have one big time dreamer and the dreams are generally not sweet. I spoke to my pediatrician about it, as I could hear him cry during the night. He said a couple of things. Have them do relaxation techniques right as they are falling asleep. Think of a fun thing that you would like to dream about - a vacation or becoming a superhero (ok, that is what my son likes to think about). The good thoughts before bed tend to lead the dreams after falling asleep. He also said to "confront" the nightmares. If he tells me about a bad dream (I don't ask him) we talk about what would really happen if that took place. Like for your dd, you could say "well, if there was a snake in the house, Daddy would take care of it right away. He would take it outside the house and far away" (or whatever you believe should happen to the snake)

Good luck - it's sad to hear them upset in the night!

[Kama]

Our daughter (5) and son (9.5), home 1 yr from Poland, had nightmares during the first few months at home, especially our daughter. She would wake up crying and want me to come to her bed and sleep with her. She would tell me similar things, such as your daughter's "there was a snake in the house." They hardly ever have such dreams anymore. We have calm activities about an hour before going to bed and then generally spend about 1/2 hr reading to them - my daughter still wants me to lie down with her while she is falling asleep. It seems as if for them this was a response to the transition and developing attachment. I think, unless they wake up trembling of fear, dreams are a good way for their brains to "work things out." I would not worry too much about this.

[tigger44]

kretzklan - Great suggestions! I'm going to try these with DD.

Thanks so much.

[MamaChinch]

I think you are right, it is very common at this age for children to start having nightmares as they develop and realize that things are scary, etc. My DD has just started this and now is afraid of shadows! Last night she told me the shadows arent' real.
Like Krez said, I have been talking to her about what she is going to dream about before we go to bed, and if I forget she even tells me, "Dream about, Mom?"
So I asked her and she will say ladybugs, football, high school, ice cream, her pink scooter, and I thiknk it has really helped.
Maybe some calm music wold help her, as well.

[GCS]

We've been through this off and on in the 3 years we've been home.

Lately my DD who is almost 3 and a half and has been home since she was 5 months has been having bad dreams. With her brother who had a lot of trauma issues when he came home, I always assumed it was from his past, but with her I can never really say. Like your daughter she settles pretty easily back down and gives me a kind of crazy response the next day when I ask her about it which makes me think she really doesn't remember.

I think some of it is our crazy schedule - we're on the run everyday. Some of it is over stimulation throughout the day (although we do not watch much TV, heck who has time?). But I spoke with some of her preschool moms and it seems like this is also a developmental thing at this age.

I love the relaxing technique ideas. I am going to start using that with her. I do notice that on the nights she takes her quiet lavendar bath (as opposed to the crazy play bath she occassionally takes with her brother in the whirlpool) she has a more peaceful night.

[DET62]

My daughter listens to music, and I give her a Melatonin just before bed - but she is 16. Might not be appropriate for a little one.

She listens to the radio all night, usually a broadcast of a baseball or football game, which she finds oddly relaxing.

With my son, who is 11 but has only been home 6 months, I do several things to get him relaxed and ready to sleep. He hugs his sister. We go in his room and get the bed cleaned off. We always pull out his outfit for the next day, turn on the lamp, sand tart a CD playing softly in his CD player. I lie down and talk to him, often while cuddling him loosely. [He is quite small for his age but needs the mama comfort] We say prayers. I TRY to get him to calm down, which isn't always easy! Finally, if he's really hyper, I massage his back for a few minutes, without saying anything, then I kiss him, say I Love You, and tiptoe out. He listens to an entire CD every night, but playing softly.

Last night, I heard him talking in his sleep, and realized I hadn't given him his "massagee" as he calls it. I went in and he had quited down, but the sheets and cover were thrown everywhere. I fixed his cover, rubbed his back for a moment, and kissed him. He never woke up, but he seemed to relax, then.

I think with both my kids, night is so scary, because in an orphanage it's a scary time. My kids never come get me in the night because they sleep like rocks. In the orphanage there was no one there to comfort them, so they didn't get up and look for it. I always tell them to come get me if they need me, but they don't. It's sad. I imagine this is true for little ones, too.

Every kid is different, but it helps to find ways to get them calm and relaxed, and reassure them before bed.

Dee

[thmc1215]

Our DD has starting having night terrors in the past 6 months. Thank goodness I believe they have let up, but there for awhile it was horrible every night. We started bathing her in lavender bath wash right before bed and spraying her bed with lavender spray. We also did the reassurance at bed time and tried to stick to a strict bed time.

This seemed to calm her down and the night terrors seemed to decrease immediately. I've also read where nightmares and terrors seem to be more frequent around the age 3 mark.

[cathvash]

My daughter was having night fears as well. I finally figured out that this would happen when she would hear something outside her window (like tree branches), or she would see shadows thrown by the neighbors' lights... Of course, they became ghosts and monsters! I make sure to keep the branches trimmed now, and just flipping the blinds the other way seems to have dispatched those scary ghosts!

-Point being, that it might be worthwhile to see if there are any environmental sights or sounds that might trigger the problem.

[MamaChinch]

Good point, Cathy! I turned off Delaney's night light so she doesn't have shadows in her room. I leave the light on in another room, and that light lights up the hall enough for there tobe light but not cast shadows. Maybe something is spooking her that she sees on the walls or hears.......