[momraine]

Lets talk about school topics. First, do you tell your teachers the child is adopted? If you adopted an older child what do you do about when they ask for a baby picture? My niece recently had to bring in a baby picture and they wanted a baby picture with parents. Well, her dad left before she was born and did not come back into her life until last year (and then it was breif he is already back out) I don't have baby pictures of my son. My daughter I do, becuase she was so young when we got her, but no newborn pictures. Also how do you handle those family tree things?
One more question that is related to another thread. For Roma kids, what do you put for race on all those forms?

[MissDaisyofTexas]

These are great questions, and I'm interested in hearing everyone's responses. I'm too new at this to have much input. DS is 3 years old, home for one month, we recently started him in preschool. I did tell the school and his teacher that he is adopted, because he is mostly speaking Russian and of course he won't understand a lot of their instructions right now.

Sadly, we also have no baby pictures of DS. The youngest picture we have of him is his database picture, which was taken just a few months before he turned 3 years old.

[GCS]

Our earliest picture of DS is at 3. DD we have a pic of at 3 months so this will not be an issue for her. His teacher knows he is adopted, but as time goes on this becomes less of an issue and we will likely just stop informing them up front. He can tell who he wants when he wants.

So far we have not had the baby picture issue at school but he asks us all the time about things when he was a "cute little baby". I recently saw the FRUA thread on regression pictures and thought about getting him one at 18 mnths and at infant just so he would have something to reference. We would tell him that they were computer generated and not real photos of him at that age. I'm not sure if I would do this. Just something I thought about after seeing that thread.

[leeinmemphis]

My boys are in first grade and adopted at age 3.5 and 4.5 in 2004. We really dont have any baby pics of either child which I hate when things like this come up at school but it is what it is and the less of a big deal we make about it the less they worry (IMHO).

I'm probably different than many folks but to me, me and my DH's family tree IS my boys family tree. Their mothers left them in the hospital and they have never known another mom and dad so I dont see the value in "making up" or making another tree based on their Russian birthfamily. I'm ready to get flamed but that's my thought

alli

[kretzklan]

My kiddos came home at 6 and 7 years old and those are the first pictures we have of them. All the teachers at their school know they are adopted, because I worked there and they all went through the process with me. We've had 4 projects where baby pictures were requested. So far, we have printed a picture of the RUssian flag and put "I was born in Russia on (date)" - then we put one of the first pictures we have of them (their referal photo many times) and say "I came to America with my family on (date)"

All teachers have understood that our story line is a little different and so far, my kids have been very proud of their differences.

For family trees we use our family only...mostly because we have so little info on birth families.

[Pinkie]

Antonina came home at 5 and a half and her school knows. The first picture I have is her referral photo and actually the school tree thing hasn't come up yet.

[heikewould]

Samantha came home at 9 months and we do heve the baby pics from the first visit at 6 months that we took. Those would be the earliest besides the referral photo.
As far as telling teachers about her being adopted, I have choosen not to at this point. She is three and just started preschool. We have re-adopted her in order to obtain an American birth certificate. I will only let people know when it seems the appropriate time. A good example is when she has to put together a "family tree". I am not private about her adoption as many of you know I'm proud to be her mommy! I also feel that I want her on an even playing field when it comes to other authority figures in her life. (teachers) I have read far to much on these boards about the stereotyping that happens once a teacher or school knows about adopted kids.

[TweetyMom04]

We have been very cautious who we tell. We live in a small village about 250 people. When I had to take our Sons to the Doctor, especially for DS-G, the Doctor started asking Q's about the PG, length of term, any problems with delivery, etc. I could have answered those questions, we do have that information. Instead, I was honest and stated "they are both Adopted, from Russia." His jaw dropped, he became white as a sheet and I knew that "honesty was not the best policy" in answering and regret saying so. In front of our Sons and me, his professional demeanor changed and became very stand-offish. If the Doctor won't treat them, we shudder to think what the Village would do to us if word got out. That said, this is why we are very low-key on the subject.

When we have the talk with our Sons, at an age appropriate time and when they can understand the words, then they can choose whom to tell or not.

We Adopted Our Sons at 8 mo of age. We have pictures of them at 6 mo of age.

I agree w/leeinmemphis. As for our Family Tree, our Sons are included as this is their Family Tree.

[angelkisses0102]

First, do you tell your teachers the child is adopted?

For DS, we have so far because of his struggles. I have to say I fully believe it did help us get the services he needed.

For DD, we did until this year. Now that she is 6, in 1st grade, and starting to really understand what being adopted means...we decided not to share with her teacher. That being said, if she does begin to display too many of her, ummm, survivor traits, I will probably inform the teacher. DD does not on a daily basis interact with any other 'admitted' adoptees so she is realizing that while being adopted is not anything to be ashamed of, it IS different and right now, she just wants to be 'not different.' I believe this is because she is still processing it all...and in all honesty...struggling with being an adoptee.

what do you do about when they ask for a baby picture?

Luckily for us...DD was so tiny at 6 months...she looks almost like a newborn so not an issue. And our 1st picture of DS is at 3 months of age...

Also how do you handle those family tree things?

Haven't encountered that...YET. Not certain what we will do but knowing me, we will recognize both aspects...maybe two trees intertwined?

[momraine]

We also live in a small town, but our son was 6 when he came home and we had older kids. Our daughter was only ten months, but her brothers were 5 and 7 and so remember it well and she talks about it a lot. So everyone knows, however I have not had any bad reactions, only positive ones.

[Kendal]

Originally Posted by kretzklan

My kiddos came home at 6 and 7 years old and those are the first pictures we have of them. All the teachers at their school know they are adopted, because I worked there and they all went through the process with me. We've had 4 projects where baby pictures were requested. So far, we have printed a picture of the RUssian flag and put "I was born in Russia on (date)" - then we put one of the first pictures we have of them (their referal photo many times) and say "I came to America with my family on (date)"

All teachers have understood that our story line is a little different and so far, my kids have been very proud of their differences.

For family trees we use our family only...mostly because we have so little info on birth families.

Krez this a fantastic idea and I hope you don't mind if I steal it. The picture thing has been an issue for us before and I wish I had thought of this.

We recently moved and I have choosen to let my girls share their story if they choose. They are in second grade now and I think they are old enough to decide if they want to share this or not. Prior to our move, everyone knew because they went thru the process with us.

[ddahl]

I swore I woul dnever tell the school again but DS started at a time where he was displaying some Survivor traits as well. I shared it with his teacher and asked that she be very sensitive to this when discussing families, family trees etc. I let her know that we felt it was important that it be made clear that there are all types of families. Its interesting that she shared with me that she knew that and that she was adopted as well. A few weeks later she brought a photo of her A-Mom and herself to show me how much she and her A-Mom looked a like.

I hate to tell but some of the survivor traits also look to an outsider lik ethere may be something else going on at home. I will not tell after he leaves this school as he will be old enough to speak about his story on his own then.

We initially were speaking to him about Ru and adoption but he is too young to fully grasp it all so we have let it die down and at least the seed is planted so it won't come as a shock or anything.

We have a picture from when he was admitted into the baby home. One single photo, color. Good to ask the baby homes if you are in process because they almost always have a photo and will gie it to you.

[DET62]

My daughter was adopted when she was 13, and I assumed everyone at school would know, because she has a Russian accent. Not so. When I went in for a teacher conference her second year, one of them didn't know! About 4 of them asked me, at first, "Why do you not have a Russian accent?" and I had to say because she was adopted. I was amazed they didn't know.

I had to tell the teachers because my daughter was really struggling in school, and some of it was due to language. With babies, you don't have the issue.

With my son, who came home 4 months ago at age 10, I told his main teacher right away, day 1. I wanted her to know he is very bright, but language is going to be an issue. He is doing really well in school with almost no concessions, thank goodness.

I am curious, what are y'all talking about when you say "survivor traits?" I know what I call "orphanage behavior" is common in older kids like mine, but what do you see in the babies or toddlers that might be noticed at school? Just curious..

Dee

[angelkisses0102]

Survivor traits...basically the traits that allowed our kids to survive and/or the traits our kids picked up because they survived their beginnings. (I made this up...btw just from seeing these words so often when we are describing our kids.)

~Very smart, advanced, intelligent beyond their age.
~Strong willed, stubborn, determined.
~Active, busy
~Outgoing, bubbly personality, lights up the room.
~Fiesty.
~Competitive, must be 1st.
~Strong sense of humor.
~Self-sufficient to a fault.

Did I mention strong-willed? What about not ever asking for help? My DD was only in a baby hospital for 10 months and these describe her...DS was adopted at 8 months...same thing...but not as many traists as DD...YET!

[Sally26]

Great thread!

Do the school projects usually ask for baby pictures or new born pictures? We have both, but the nb pictures are not like ones you see here and might cause undo questions. I'm fine with dd sharing her story, but don't want her to unless she wants to.

I think we'll give dd options on the family tree.

Karen- thanks for posting Survivor Traits. DD is definetly displaying them.