[april*rain]

We adopted our son from Moscow CIty in April, 2005. He has grown into a happy, healthy, extremely well-adjusted child who is truly the light of our lives. He will be four years old in November.

Next Monday he starts pre-school; he will be going two days a week. I am a wreck. He is ready, I have no doubt, but mommy isn't! He is shy around strangers and new situations, and I know he will cry when I leave. I'm a "quick to tears" person to begin with, but even more so when it has to do with my little guy. I have myself so worked up Of course, we keep talking school up to Ethan, and when I took him to play a bit the other day he liked playing with the kids. DH is taking him again tomorrow for an hour or so. But next Monday I have to leave him there.

How do I not cry in front of him when he cries?

Oh my god, parenting is so hard. It feels like my heart is just running around outside of my chest all the time and in the hands of my little guy!

Lisa

[TweetyMom04]

I remember that day!

I am sometimes quick to tears, but I knew that on that day if I looked or sounded upset, they would know something is up or start to cry themselves. I didn't want them to think school could be a horrible place. So I bit my tongue and when that would hurt, the inside of my cheek. Kept switching and when I got them settled, I said my good-byes, kisses and hugs, etc. Calmly walked to the door, turned and gave a last wave, walked quickly to the car and BURST into tears I cried and cried and drove home in tears.

Funny thing is, the Boys were fine, no problems, and the Teachers said they had so much fun and didn't even realize I wasn't in the room. After that each day became a bit easier until they were pulling away from me to go play and I knew they were okay.

My 'tongue-n-cheek' were a bit sore, but healed a few days later

Hang in there, you will make it through.

[justmp]

You get through it...you just do. Try really hard to put your own feelings aside because if DS is feeling your anxiety, it will only make it worse. DD started preschool last fall, and I was so sad and scared of the letting go part, but I'll tell you after two or three days of it, I was as happy for her to be going as she was because she LOVED it!

DS will start preschool this fall two days a week. He'll be one week shy of his third birthday and I'm only sending him on the advice of a neurologist because of unexplained speech delay. Now let's just hope I can follow my own advice!

[Beaglepup]

We adopted our daughter from Moscow City in June 2005 and she is very timid, shy and just likes to watch other kids. She started pre-school last Sept and did great. Cried the first few days I left her, but now she loves it and asks to go. He may surprise you and after you feel comfortable with the teacher and the fact that he loves it, it's much easier to leave them. :-) Good luck!

[momraine]

As a former preschool teacher the best advice I have is make the goodbye quick! Get out fast! Most of the time the kids are fine before the parents can get out of the parking lot! Another suggestion, plan something that first day, lunch with a friend, a manicure, or coffee with a friend. Something for you to look forward to. If he has a birthday or something coming up, use this time to shop. I remember thinking I could actually shop without my child seeing what I was buying when they went to school. Even if they do cry the first day, often after a few days they get used to it. They learn that mom always comes back and they have fun while she is gone. Hang up his pictures and ask questions about what they did and make a big deal about it. Now you start getting his attitude about school set.

[tigger44]

I agree that it is easier if you plan something busy for yourself to do that first day. Our daughter started preschool two weeks ago and she has had so much fun that I switched her from two mornings a week up to three. That first day was tough for me, but she was so happy to be there and play with all the toys that I had to beg her for goodbye hug. She is having a blast!

[RBSVARCHER]

Our DS will start public 5-K this year 8 to 3 - 5 days a week - so you are not alone in your feelings!!

The best way I can tell you to get through is something my DH told me......we adopted him to give him a better life and an opportunity to live and grow....this is one of the things he would not have experienced in Russia and wow what an opportunity it is - to learn!

So remember your child is growing and learning, the thing you wanted to give them!!

Take a deep breath and let your child grow!! It is an awesome experience and they will love it!!

[westcoast]

I agree with Lorraine.
I am a preschool teacher and one of the hardest things for parents is to make the goodbye quick.

Believe me, the longer you stay, the harder it is for the child.

Hopefully, your child's primary care giver knows of your situation and has met with you to go over a plan.

Once you leave, we assure the child that, "Mommy always comes back." It will be difficult the first couple of days but it will get easier.

As for you mom, like others have said, plan a GREAT day for YOU!!!! You desreve it.

Please let me know if I can help in any way.
Cheers!

[westcoast]

Oh and one other thing....don't sneak out. I have had parents want to do this to avoid the goodbye.

Sometimes, a child will come into the room and will get very engaged with all the toys and kids and parents sometimes want to sneak out. DON'T DO IT! The child will soon realize that you are "GONE" and will freak out. It is better for h/him to have a few tears that won't last too long instead of "What did I do? tears".
Good Luck!

[MominPA]

I agree, don't sneak out. Give a hug and a kiss and tell them you will be back _____ (after lunch, before lunch, after snack, etc.) and love you and bye.

The longer the good bye the harder the separation is. Also the first few days may be great, but after a week or so good byes can get tearful. The watch other kids and also realize that this is for real now not just for fun.

Adam, whom we adopted last year from Moscow City, loved going to pre-school, but I had to pull him out when I got laid off this March. When we drive by his old school he asks if he is going to school today. I say no and he says he misses school. He will be starting pre-K with our school district this August.

[julianva]

As a kindergarten teacher, the best advice is to trust your relationship with your child. It may take a minute or two for your child to warm to the room. GIve them that, also TOTALLY agree that you should not sneak out.
Prepare with some walks around the school, when its closed. And try to guess where their window is...
Get them used to the idea that this place is good, and safe and you approve of it...
I also suggest reading the Kissing Hand, about a little racoon that goes off to school and is scared. His mommy kisses his hand and tells him she put a kiss in his hand to keep all day!

Lastly, I went through a long investigation for a preschool for my daughter, she went 1 day and was pulled out. My gut told me there were better places.
Trust your gut. If you sense something is off, beleive in that feeling!

It will be wonderful. THe children love their time at preschool and you will love your break!

[julianva]

Sorry about the spleellinngg errors, Its been a buzy
Saturday!!!

[westcoast]

Julianva,
I agree with you on the book, "The Kissing Hand." We usually have that as book of the week in September. If you buy the book, it will come with stickers that are little hearts. During circle time, I placed a sticker on each child's hand, told them to kiss their hand and then when Mommy or Daddy came to pick them up, have them kiss the child's hand. A great circle of love.

[april*rain]

Thanks for everyone's support. Today was the big day! Ethan was very excited as we packed his lunch, had breakfast, and talked about school this morning. Then Mom and Dad took him to his first day of school, and we stayed with him a few minutes while he warmed up a bit. But then he figured out we were leaving and cried. Real, big tears. We hugged him, told him we love him and that Mommy would pick him up, and left. I could see him crying at the window as we drove away, my heart broken.

I went to work, waited an hour and called the school. He was fine! His teacher said he cried a few minutes and that he was playing with the kids. Then, when I picked him up after work, he said "no mommy, I still want to play!" Music to my ears

I am sure that the next few weeks will be up and down, but by and large we are very relieved about how well he did. He is only going two days a week (the two days a week I work), so the adjustment process might take a bit longer.

I am fortunate to just work two days a week, and Ethan will only be going to pre-school those two days, so I will still have him to myself the other three weekdays

Thanks again for all your support; we survived and Ethan did great

[justmp]

It sounds like overall it was a great experience! I hope the next drop off is even smoother!