[another2]

I have 4 adopted children -- one with RAD, sensory issues and a host of other behavioral problems (and he was failure to thrive for the first 2 years of his life). We have struggled through more "control" issues and situations than I care to remember.

My only suggestion has to do with how your other children view the situation. My other 3 really hate all the attention the one gets. But when he is screaming, rolling on the floor, biting himself or pulling one of his other stunts -- all the attention naturally goes his way. Especially when we are out in public. Because mealtimes were the worst for us (and we went through the not eating phase too) I had to come up with something that would even the playing field. First, for snack I would put out a plate of healthier but fun "snack" foods (like pretzels with dip, peanut butter crackers, cheese & crackers, dried banana chips, yogurt or carob-covered raisins, etc) that all were allowed to eat from. Since he did not have a designated portion, if he decided to act up, the others were busy eating in the meantime and he missed out. None of the other children cared if he was throwing a fit -- it was just more for them. And all the children knew that all there would be for anyone who missed the main snack was plain Cheerios and water. Fortunately, my son was competitive and wanted the "better" snack...

Also, when things were extreme at meals, I switched the format. Instead of eating a whole plate of food and then dessert (which I rarely served), I did the following... Each child was given something small to eat from the main meal. When they ate that mouthful or two, then they got to eat a bite of a dessert item. It would repeat over and over until the meal was done. Lots of work for me, but the other children thought it was great because they got to the dessert sooner. And my son lost his forum. Everyone was too busy eating this way to pay him much attention. Also, breaking the meal into parts made it less daunting for him so that he often gave in and ate at least the first few mouthfuls of food/dessert.

I am definitely not a child psychiatrist (and yes, we have one we see), but just thought I would share what worked to help the other kids some.

Good luck!

[3RussianCuties]

You have gotten some good advice - particularly about evaluations. I suffered a similar problem with my (then 18mo - 2 1/2 yr) old. He had not been exposed to textures or eating and would vomit 2-3 times a day. It was a constant battle to get him to eat anything that wasn't pureed - completely smooth. Even small chunks would be pocketed into his cheek and would come out later. He was evaluated by speech (first) and occupational therapy. The ST thought his mouth muscles were underdeveloped and we did exercises to try and stretch and get them working. However, after 9 months of the ST telling me yet again to go back to smooth purees after we had advanced even a small amount, I decided to switch therapists. I can tell you that it was incredibly difficult to bond with a kid who I hated to feed (I think mother's feeding their kids is one of the primal instincts and if you can't do that...you feel that you are a failure)...even our good times were filled with dread of the next meal - and now I believe it was the same for him.

I then went to an occupational therapist who told me to take the pressure off of him. By this time I had learned from a nutritionist how to supplement his food/purees with enough calories to get him to gain a little weight and she SAVED me by saying I think you need to ignore him at dinner time. Of course people had told me not to make a big deal of it before, but she wasn't telling me not to feed him but was telling me not to talk to him about it or during the process. That first night I took the newspaper to the table. I didn't reward/cajole/entreat/demonstrate for him how to eat or swallow or chew. He took the entire meal and DIDN'T vomit.

In looking back now three years later (and less than 3 episodes of vomiting in that entire time) I realize that I was putting a lot of pressure and stress on him to eat. He was able to over 6 months move up the food chain of textures and he has gained weight. I think his anxiety was so high that he was vomiting - not willfully as I thought then - but because he couldn't handle the stress.

With your daughter's diagnoses, it seems that she might have a much lower social/cognitive age than she currently is. I really don't think it is unreasonable to try taking the pressure off of her. No one ever died of eating PB&J and pasta 3 meals a day. Just give her a multivitamin and work with her to put other things on her plate to "try".

As for your other children, I think that their anxiety of being embarassed and or being forced to leave somewhere cuz of her vomiting is another reason I might just see how it would work if you gave her "preferred foods - not candy" to eat.

Good luck, I know exactly what you are going thru and had many a night I was cleaning vomit from the floor in absolute tears about what had I done.

[momraine]

I would be thrilled if my guy ate peanut butter, LOL he is so picky and what he loves one day he hates the next, he does not even want to eat sweets, not even candy. He just does not want to eat at all. He will eat Raman noodles, though her prefers only the broth. He will eat hot dogs, but no bun, and he will ask for a peice of lettuce from someone's salad, but no dressing. He will eat only apple jacks for breakfast (I add half and half) nothing else. For a while it was cocoa puffs and then fruit loops, but now he will not touch either of those, will throw up if they are offered and will refuse to eat at all if I don't have apple jacks on hand. (he was the same with the other types of cereal) He does not want to ever eat more than a bite or two of anything. It is a royal pain to deal with, but he is getting better, he will now eat a few bites of whatever is served at dinner and I give him what he wants for breakfast and lunch. He is going to lions camp and I have told him he will have to eat whatever is served and he has agreed. We did a test run at an aunts house and he did OK.
He does take a vitamin, but won't drink any type of shake or anything pureed, he also does the hiding food in the cheeks thing, he can keep stuff there forever, until he gets a chance to spit it out.