[waiting_for_nicholas]

Hi, I'm new to this board & 1st off you all give some of the best advice I've seen so far. Now to my question, my husband and I are considering adopting siblings. I set the age range of the older child at no more than 4 yrs old. I am just worried about the communication & language barriers that we would have to overcome. Not so much for myself, but for my future child. If you have had an experience with this any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[beckyww]

We adopted a little girl that had just turned six at the time of our first trip in 2/06. Brought her home 5/06.

The first few weeks, I had Russian cheat sheets scattered about. We found that gestures in context coupled with simple English taught her quickly enough. We threw away the cheat sheets after she'd been home about a month. At three months home, she started regular kindergarten. In January - eight months home - she passed the Texas Primary Reading Inventory with no ESL curve, no extra points, no nothing.

You'll have lots to stress about - medical history and attachment, right off the bat. Language will come. Don't let that stress you. Attachment is a barrier. Language is a bump.


Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[Kama]

We adopted a 4-yr old girl from Poland and I found this to be a wonderful age to adopt. You still get some of the baby stuff and get to carry them around, but they are also more independent at this age. There is another way that this is advantageous: if the child has some neurological or other issue, including learning issues, at this age they are more likely to have been diagnosed than a child under 1.

The language barrier was not an issue with us because I speak the language but I think you should not worry about this. Our daughter's Polish was not very good anyway and actually got better since she is with us (6 months). My husband speaks English only and she caught on pretty quickly.

[Bcelli]

Our youngest son was 2 1/2 when we brought him home, but very verbal for his age. The language transition took awhile and we used simple words and phrases in Russian, followed by the English version to help the transition. We also instructed his teachers at daycare on the process and provided them with the written cheat sheets. He is 5 now and doing wonderfully well. He still lags somewhat in appropriate usage (I'm an editor so it could be I impose higher standards - not to apply to typing on forums!) but he understands well and is an excellent student. Kids are pliable. They can be molded easily with a gentle hand and a loving touch. The language comes right along with trying to understand the concept of a family, what it means to have a personal possession, understanding what broccolli is, etc. They get it. And depending on your attitude as a teacher, can learn to LOVE the process. I hope you find the children that are meant to be yours. Good luck and God's blessings.

[kellypmomof3]

Our daughter turned 4 the day we brought her home.She has been home 4 months and speaks English very well already and understands wonderful.She will hardly ever speak in Russian anymore.feel free to email me if you have more ?'s

[tbristow]

We're hopefully under a year away from filing papers in that age range. We have a 3-year-old (home 2 years) as well as older bio girls. I intend to really bone up on possible attachment issues as I am far more concerned about that than the language. Everything I've read on here (it's a WONDERFUL resource!!) suggests that if you learn the basic phrases (bathroom, food, drink, etc...), you will communicate just fine. We are arming ourselves for possible attachment problems with an older child though. I wish you the best of luck. There are so many others here that can share their success stories.

[leeinmemphis]

We adopted two boys three years ago -- they were 3.5 and 4.5 years old. It is a great age as there were no diapers, they can be independent and dependent all in the span of 5 minutes and its fun to see them learn and absorb everything.

Our boys took a lot longer than what most folks on here say .. it was about 6 months until they were communicating "pretty well' and really about a year and a half or more until I felt like they mostly understood everything we said.

I have a thought on this though... we used a cheat sheet, used simple phrases and lots of gestures and really its all about tone... no flames please but its kind of like talking to your dog at home... if you are using a kind and loving tone the dog has no idea what you are saying but if you are yelling and talking harshly they know that whats up isnt good
Good luck to you... I think that there is a special place in heaven for adoptive parents and a very special place for those who adopt older kids... course, i'm a little biased!

alli

[GCS]

Our son was 3 years old and learned the language very quickly. His English at 3 months home was better than most others his age who were home grown. He was pretty fluent in Russian when we met him and I think that this does make a difference.
By 6 months home no one who did not know us would have known he was adopted.
For us the biggest issue was constant over stimulation. The best advice I have for you is to work very hard on keeping the child's world small and attachment parent from the very beginning.
Also, keep in mind that the child is younger (less mature in every aspect) than other children the same age. Adjust your expectation for a child who needs to be treated as a younger child for some time at first.

Good luck!

[Chris3148]

Nicole, we adopted bio siblings in March 2006. We requested two siblings under 4 also, any gender. We were referred two beauties-15 months and 3.1 years old at the time. By the time we brought them home they were 22 months and 3.7 years old.

We too were worried about so much with our oldest. She was fluent in Russian and had developed a strong personality already. We did have a ROUGH start with her. She was scared and so confused, her whole life was changed AGAIN in a minute. Her sister's was too, but not on the same level. She had many many tantrums and tested us over and over again for the first three months. Then from there on, everything seemed to fall in place. We did a lot of things to make her transition easier (some that didn't work), but what worked the best for us was learning basic Russian, talking to her all day about every minor thing in English, singing to her a lot, regressing her in things that she thought she needed to be independent in (ie. brushing teeth, getting dressed, feeding, taking care of her sister) We also went back to sippy cups, pull ups at nighttime, rocking, lots of cuddling, we limited choices, set rules and stuck to them, tried not to overstimulate her, sat on the floor and played with her constantly, etc. She was speaking fluent English by three months home. At 6 months home she started Pre-K at our public school, was tested the first week for ESOL services, and she didn't qualify! She hardly remembers any Russian, just the few words we say around the house and her accent is almost gone except for a few words.

We were exhausted the first 5 months she came home, also with two the exhaustion is unreal, but now since then she has attached to us, is such a happy, smart little girl, and communicates her feelings to us all the time.

In hindsight, and maybe this is because we were so worried about her transition...I think our oldest was "easier" than our youngest. At her age, she can communicate, once they learn English, so much of what they feel that we found it was "easier" to heal those issues than guessing about what was wrong with her sister.

We started the process in 2004 hoping to adopt a child under 12 months...if we were to ever do this again, we would adopt a child over 3 years old!

Good luck to you, adopting bio siblings is the BEST thing we ever have done or will ever do in our lives. If you want to talk more about it you can PM me whenever you need to.

[happycamper2]

I adopted my daughter at 4 1//4 years. Like others have reported, she learned language very quickly. I realized later when she started school that there are words to make sure they learn. For example, she knew hat but not cap, rug but not mat. Certain words are used to teach reading and she got frustrated when she couldn't find the word to match with an M ( mat) and there was a picture of a rug but no R to link to it. This didn't take long to get over but it sort of hurt her self esteem in the early learning days. I am in process for a second child and have made 3 years the lower limit. Good luck and hope you find that very special little one meant for your family.

[Jen_in_OH]

We adopted bio siblings in 2005. Our daughter was 4.5 and our son was 2.5.
They learned English quickly, but there were other things I didn't expect. Our daughter had strong opinions about everything and we worked a lot on attachment. It's been less than 2 year and I am AMAZED by their progress. They are great, we are great, and life is good.
Just remember that the first month will be HARD, but each month gets better!
Jen

[momraine]

Our little Russian was only 10 months, her only Russian words were ball and according to our translator some "very bad words, children should not know". She learned English very fast, but it was hard for the first few days not knowing what was wrong.
My son was six. He was taking English classes before we came, but really only knew how to count and a few sentances that he didn't really know what they meant. (my name is, I am six, how are you, etc)
We did flash cards while in Poland. I had a handy dandy cheat sheet with phrases from a friend on here. when I spoke to him in Polish I always repeated what I said in English and when I understood what he said in Polish I did the same, (Oh, you want ---) I used simple language. During the time that he and I were in an apartment in Warsaw we attended a church and many of the Polish people we met at the church asked us how we communicated in the apartment. They always thought it was funny when I explained that we used some English, some Polish and some charades. My son is very smart, so he was able to make his needs known to me just fine. He came home in November, so it's been almost six months. He understands everything said to him and everyone understands him. He does have a bit of a stutter, but I don't know if it's a normal developmental thing or if he had it in Polish too. I think it's that he talks constantly and has so much to say he can't get it out fast enough! LOL He is a talker. He does still have an accent. He has some Polish cartoons on DVD and will read some of his books from time to time. He did go through a phase where he did not want us to use any Polish words, (even though he still would at the time if he didn't know the English word) We did put him back a grade in school, but he is reading and doing grade level work now. It's been amazing how fast he adjusted. The sweet thing is because he remembers life without parents, he is always saying prayers and giving thanks for having parents, for having his own room, for having so many toys, for having brothers and sister, etc. He has also lectured both his kindergarten class and his Sunday School class on the fact that they should be happy because some kids don't have parents. He is totally amazing!

[waiting_for_nicholas]

Thank you so much to all of you for the wonderful stories of your own experiences. I feel so much more comfortable with this decision now. We definatly are going for 2 children & if I can give an older child a loving home I would love to.

[kretzklan]

Our children were 6 and 7 at time of adoption and I knew no Russian (I tried, just could not get it at all). Therefore, we did full English immersion (pure neccessity). Tone of voice does do a lot and it worked for us. They were communicating fairly easily in three months...but that was accompanied by a lot of hard work. We did tons of schooling type activities at my house...and it did work!

[LilyMoon]

We adopted at age 4.5. I learned as much "child speak" Russian as I could before we traveled. I used Theresa Kelleher's language CD and booklet for adoptive parents and I thought it was excellent.

When we got home, it was a bit rough for the first few weeks. I had a Russian friend on standby and we did put our child on the phone with her a couple of times so she could explain things. However, our dd picked up the language so quickly. By 6 months she was completely fluent in English.

More of a concern is to research attachment parenting and use the techniques when your child comes home to help promote bonding with you. A child at this age has been through a lot of changes in their life and need to learn what it means to trust a family and so much more.