[nhook]

My husband and I are struggling to decide whether to place our son into kindergarten next year or another year of preschool. He will be 5 this summer so he is eligible to go into Kgtn. Our preschool teachers feel he should go there another year.

We have looked at lists of what a child should know before entering Kgtn and our son is pretty much doing most of it. He would only go half days and he will continue to get speech therapy next year as well.

We feel in our hearts that we don't want to hold him back if he is ready and that structure (the same place everyday) would benefit him. We thought we had our minds made up until our teachers said he shouldn't go (in their opinion). Any similar situations???

[kretzklan]

As a parent with kids already "getting up there" - I wish I had held them back. Even my bio son. He is young for his grade and although we would never do anything about it now...if I could go back, I would not have sent him so soon. The level of work that schools expect at younger and younger ages is HARDER than you can imagine. Fifth graders are writing essay papers that I know I didn't do until high school. We are struggling now with the thought of holding a child back a year - and once they have started that is an impossible (rock and hard place) decision.
If you like his pre-school, my advice would be give him another year there. No one has ever been sorry that their child was "too bright" for school!!!

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

Most schools do testing to see if your child is ready. You could have him tested. I, personally, am a sender. My oldest is bright, and she was getting bored in her pre-school and it caused her to be depressed. I had a talk with the pre-school, and they found work to keep her stimulated, which helped. If you hold him back, would he get anything to keep him stimulated and learning?

Kay

[tbristow]

I actually received my degree in Elementary and Early Childhood Ed. though I never used it. In my experience here's what happened: step-dd and a nephew - they wanted to hold them back a year but the parents pushed ahead. Both flunked kindergarten and had to live with that stigma. Keep in mind that this is far more about your son's emotional maturity than it is about his cognitive skills. I'd say if he's doing better than average for the kids his age and his birthday isn't too close to the cutoff you should be okay, but only you know. Boys are more likely to struggle than girls. Do they do a kindergarten screening? Many states require that. If yours does then have him go through. If the results say that he should wait then I would recommend waiting. If he passes then there is no reason to keep him back. Good luck!

[pequele]

And where does this list of "requirements" come from?

I have teachers in my family and a family friend's mom is a 1st grade teacher in a private school. I have never talked to family teachers about this before but my friend's mom and I got on the subject one day and she said the ONLY requirement (made by the school) needed for the child to pass on to second grade was that the child could write a complete sentence...that meant simply a subject and verb!!!! Ie, the dog walks!!!! No math, nothing, nada, nothing else!!!! Ok I think most of us here can agree that I hope to GOD someone going into the 2nd grade needs to know more than simply subject verb agreement. She says all that they as teachers are allowed to do if they do not think the child is ready is to SUGGEST to the parent the child stays behind. They cannot fail the student if he/she knows how to write a sentence!

Point being....just because he can do most the required things on a list, this may not be all encompassing of what they truly believe he needs to excell. Sometimes lists mean nothing but MINIMUM ability. And if that is the case he should be able to do ALL that list with no problem and then some.

[qs mom]

I too struggled with this question. My son has a late summer birthday. He is one of the youngest in his class.

I opted to send him. He was bored in pre-K. He knew his alphabet, numbers, shapes, colors, could verbally spell his name and crudely write his name. Emotionally, maybe he could have been left back.

The problem was, that he learned things a little quicker than the other kids. So, he was bored, became disruptive. I felt he would become more disruptive if I kept him back. His pre-school teachers thought that he was ready academically, but not emotionally. I agreed, but sent him anyway. He did ok.

What is the motivation of the pre-school teachers? Is it for your son? Or for their enrollment?

[leeinmemphis]

I struggled mightily with this one... our oldest son was 4.5 years old when he came home and the first school year he went to a 4 year old preschool class. The next year he was old enough to go to K and he knew a lot of the things needed to "get in" but his english was still very rough. He has an early birthday as it is so he'll be 19.5 years old when he graduates high school (Lee and I joke that he'll be the only 8th grader with a drivers license ha ha)

So I wanted to send him on and my DH Lee wanted to let him go to Jr K (they do everything the same as K but it doenst officially count as K). I didnt really want to do that but now I realize that it was absolutely the best choice for us. Our younger son is 9 months younger than Tim so both boys are in K and that extra Jr K year really made a difference. Both guys are doing great but it was a good decision for us to keep back. That being said, had you asked me two years ago I would have been adamant that he needed to go to K and not jr K

good luck!

alli

[coachmur]

I have always heard that if a boy is born in June or later to hold them back. March, April, and May are even iffy with little boys. When our oldest, born in March was ready for kindergarten we too struggled with the same questions. we opted to send him and he did great academically but really struggled in the social department. Mainly, he was a follower and he chose the wrong kinds of friends to follow. Our second son was born in October so we didn't have to worry about him, he was nearly six when he started. Our third son was born August 27th and we held him back a year. He is a senior in High School now and has always done great, both academically and socially. Our daughter was born in May and we sent her. She just was more ready in all areas than the boys were. She is now a freshman. Our youngest is a foster daughter that was born the same day of may as our daughter and she does awesome in kindergarten. The boys in her class are very young. A few with August and September birthdays and I would be willing to bet several will do Kindergarten again. As a mom with kids out of school and one out of college I say don't rush to send them off to school. Before you know it they will be gone and you will miss these days of having them home. I sure do. Off subject though, when I took my foster daughter to Kindergarten I thought I was going to feel so out of place. I am 46 years old and I have a grandson who was born last May. But I was pleasantly surprised that I wasn't the only "old lady" there. A couple moms were my age and sending their first one to school. That gave me hope that I will have energy to raise our youngest who we are hoping to adopt. yeah.

[sak9645]

If you and your child's preschool disagree on your child's readiness for kindergarten, consider paying for an evaluation by an objective third party. That person, if properly trained in such evaluations, will look not only at cognitive development, but at emotional maturity, social behaviors, and so on and come up with a recommendation regarding your child's placement.

In general, however, girls do mature much more rapidly than boys. I started my daughter (adopted from China at 18.5 months of age) in full day kindergarten when she was only four, because she had an October birthday and the school allowed enrollment in kindergarten as long as the child turned five by 12/31. I'd heard opinions both ways regarding my daughter's readiness, but I felt that she could handle the demanding religious private school in which I placed her.

And my "Mom instinct" was right. It was perfect for my daughter. Instead of hanging out with the younger kids in preschool, and failing to grow intellectually, socially, and emotionally, she was challenged to live up to her full potential. And lo and behold, there WAS a totally appropriate kindergartener in her, just waiting to come out! All of a sudden, I began seeing so much more maturity!

Even though she was the second youngest child in the eight kindergartens that the school had, she fit in perfectly in all respects. She was actually a bit ahead of the game intellectually, and she had skills like ability to work independently, to participate in a group discussion, and to engage in typical "playground politics".

Despite its strong kindergarten screening program, where teachers even visited preschools and observed the children, as well as having individual and group interviews on campus, there WERE some children who did not do well in kindergarten, even when they were solidly five. Interestingly, they were almost always boys, and their issues were not generally intellectual. They usually had to do with emotional maturity, social skills, and so on.

The school actually had a special class called "T-1" (T for transition), for those kids who weren't ready to move to first grade after kindergarten. T-1 allowed the children to spend a little extra time working on their emotional, social, and intellectual development, and then to get phased into first grade at any point when they appeared to be ready, either during that year or the following year. T-1 was almost always an all-boy class.

By the way, whether or not you choose to put your son into kindergarten this year, let me make a pitch for full-day kindergarten instead of a half-day program. Kids who go full days seem to get SO much more out of their program -- not just in terms of intellectual achievements, but in terms of social and emotional skills. They tend to form closer friendships, to feel more comfortable at school, to be more independent, etc.

Whatever you choose to do, congratulations on having a son who is going to be at "big boy" school very soon.

Sharon

[nhook]

Thanks for all of your postings. I welcome more too!!

This is such a hard decision for me. When we went to conferences with the teacher, she said academically, she thinks he will be fine. Socially, she thinks he doesn't play with all of the children, so she recommended him staying back for that reason. She says he doesn't ask for help all the time either.

I know that for my husband and I, some of it is about him being in a structured environment and a small portion of it is about our work schedules. My husband will be changing jobs this summer and therefore, our son would be in a lot of home daycare because I work days. We think he would do much better in a structured Kindergarten environment (half days) and then go half days to another structured program in the school and continue speech therapy. We know it is a possibility that he would fail Kgtn, but we feel very optomistic that he will do well. However, I would hate for him to be frustrated because things are moving too fast.

[nhook]

I also thought of something else the teacher said. She said they did several exercises about learning to follow directions as a class, and he didn't do very well. I think that this is his biggest area of struggle. When you tell him to do something and you are looking in his eye, one on one, he will do it.

I think we can work on this though over the Spring and Summer and practice this at home. What do you think?

[Pinkie]

This is a real hard one and one I have just gone through. Good Luck with your decision. I've got to ask sometimes if there is a right decision or wrong decision.

DD changed school on february 1st of this year and I didn't know what to do. The end result is that I put her in her "correct" age group. The thing is, what I see is a child that has excelled within the last three months, in language, academically, emotionally, socially. Now I'm not saying I'm ticking all the boxes and putting gold stars on them but I have seen a huge difference. However, what the teacher see's is a different story. I was called in to see her after the first two weeks regarding DD's behaviour and during the meeting the teacher mentioned that she had approached the Headmistress to move DD down a year. The Headmistress said no, that its not her policy and in our case I agree with her. DD is so intelligent in some ways that I feel if I kept her back a year she would be on a downward spiral emotionally, she would be bored and I know she would refuse to do things just to cause trouble.........it's so difficult to know what to do for the best.

On my part I feel I did the right thing for now, I mean she is rising to the challenge (so to speak). As I say, good luck with your decision.

[k8c]

Every child is different. (Of course.)

I will say, as a teacher, that I've never seen a parent regret holding a child back a year. I've seen many regret sending them on when they weren't ready. In many cases, it becomes the difference between a child remaining at the top or bottom of his class.

It's been said, and it's very true, that boys mature differently than girls. Many of the skills that make you successful in school come later for boys. This includes many important social and emotional developmental skills.

If your pre-school teacher is suggesting he remain in pre-school, I'd give it serious thought. By keeping him there, he would be confident, knowledgable about classroom routines/procedures, and familiar with his teachers. He would be a leader in the class--and this would likely transfer to kindergarten with him.

Just food for thought!

Kate

[momto4boys]

As a mom to a lot of boys I have to come down on the side of holding him back. I also have taught preK and substitute in Kindergarten classes at my sons' school. The part that stuck out to me is that he had trouble following directions unless it is one on one. I can completely relate to that and understand that it really does develop later in boys. So much of Kindergarten is following directions and the teacher will have a lot of kids in her class. As much as the teacher would like to give one on one time to every child it is not possible. Everytime a teacher has to stop a class to look a child in the eye to tell them what to do, is a time that child is singled out. The ones that don't listen unfortunatley are the one that have to pull cards or lose smileys or whatever the discipline procedure is. It really can be hard on the child's self esteem.
I have held back all of my boys and have not regretted it once.
Holding a child back now won't damage his self esteem but having to hold him back later on will definitely have a stigma attached to it.
Academically my boys were ready for kindergarten at age 4 but socially it would have been so hard on them. At 5 they were even smarter and were not bored in Kindergarten. Their teachers recognized how smart they were and challenged them and also gave them extra privileges. All of those things made them feel so good about themselves and has really set them up to love school and feel like they are intelligent and they expect more from themselves. All in all it has made everything so much easier.

[mom2M&A]

Your school district has to have testing. In fact, I'd be surprised if they would let you enroll him if he hadn't been through testing. Call the school district. the other thing to consider is how old are the other boys in his class going to be. In our district there are young fives programs and they really push parents who's kids are not ready emotionally to enroll thier children in those programs. Most parents that take the school's advice are very happy with the outcome. It is run under the schools, so it is on the same schedule as K and is free to families in the district. If your school district has a program like that and it's utilized, your son might end up being a younger boy in his class which would make it all the more difficult for him. You should ask around and find out how the district directs kids into classes.