[Katie63011]

Nancy,

Didn't you have issues with his home daycare? Can you put him in a structured full day preschool? I think that would be the best option if you have them available in your area. I know it's difficult because of the cost, but sounds like you son need some extra time.

Katie

[coachmur]

Please don't send him just because he is very bright intellectually if you don't think he is ready socially. The social piece is of great importance and it can cause so much frustration and stress for your son if he isn't ready in that area. Boys are so much different than girls and it is always better to wait if there is any doubt at all. I speak from experience as I mentioned before. My oldest son was not ready socially and we sent him and all through his grade school and high school years he was a follower. One way that came out was that he only did what it took to get by in the "good grades" dept. But when it came time to take his college entrance exams he scored very high. Much higher than either the salutatorian or valedictorian of his class. The counselor came to us and told us that with his grades he could go to any college he wanted tuition free. But guess what? He didn't want to go to college. After a year of growing up (and catching up to his class socially?) he went on to college and carried a 4.0 the entire time.
I advise you to listen to the teacher on here.

[momto4boys]

One thing I forgot to mention is don't just think are they ready now. Look into the future. Do you want a 17 year old or just turning 18 year old boy graduating from high school and heading out into the world? I didn't! Also, is he going to hit puberty a year or two later than eeveryone else in his class? I have a friend who sent her son on because he made the cutoff. Her son is the youngest in his middle school class and very small and hasn't hit puberty yet. All the other boys in the class are bigger and interested in girls. This child feels so out of place socially. He is incredibly bright and has great grades. He is also in his words labeled a "geek." The older kids get the more they worry not just about grades, but also social aspects.

[nhook]

Originally Posted by Katie63011

Nancy,

Didn't you have issues with his home daycare? Can you put him in a structured full day preschool? I think that would be the best option if you have them available in your area. I know it's difficult because of the cost, but sounds like you son need some extra time.

Katie

Yes, and this is the BIG problem. I have to work and we have junker cars, but my husband does not make enough and he will be changing jobs. I have to work so our son would have to be in daycare part day and she would pick him up from school and he would be in preschool only 2 days a week. I am not aware of any fulltime preschool. We do not have a lot of options. The daycare thing has been a drama and our son is having problems wondering where he is going to go from day to day. One day, stay home, one day, daycare, another day preschool.

He is a boy who thrives on routine and structure and unfortunately, I have to work. I have no choice. I would love to give him that structure at home. We were thinking that he could be in Kgtn, go to the structured daycare at the school and I could pick him up same time everyday. Structure. Last question, what if he had to repeat Kindergarten? Would that be the worst that could happen???

[2Bulgarianbeauties]

My sister-in-law is a kindergarten teacher, and has 2 boys in her class that both sets of parents went in with the assumption that the child would do 2 years of kindergarten. So, I do not think it is so bad. Do they have 2 different teachers so he could have a second teacher the second year if he does repeat?

Kay

[waitinginnj]

My daughter will turn 6 a month after kindergarten starts in the fall. She misses the cut-off by one day. I had a lot of people pushing me to get around the system. I decided not to. She will be so much more ready for kindergarten next year.

She developed socially, but scholastically in a way that should make the kindergarten transition so much nicer. She is reading, knows numbers better, counts etc.

The downsides for her have been the extra things. The gymanstics classes are based upon school grade. The class was too babyish for her by mid year. I actually pulled her out for the spring. The camps are based on school grades are too babyish for her. Thankfully, one by me is pretty flexible, and she is going to hip hop class that she technically misses the cut off from by one day.

I think that I will continue to be somewhat challenged to match up the age/school/social aspects.

My little one came home at 2. I decided to not fight the system and let her be a baby a bit longer. I very much took into consideration that she will drive first, be older when she starts college etc. I saw the high school and college years as age being an advantage.

It isn't easy to decide though.

[KiraLin]

My dd has a late August Bday and she makes the cutoff to go to K (in two years not this year) by 11 days. She is currently in the integrated preschool in our town and at this point I am leaning toward giving her an extra year. She is plenty bright but is also the poster child for overactive and impulsive (no formal ADHD label just yet...) The preschool has made it very clear that the district policy is to send all kids who turn 5 before Sept 1 to K and that exceptions almost never happen. Probably because it is far cheaper to provide special needs services in K than preschool....its all about the money.
So that means either I fight the district...I find a private option (there are apparently some "transitional K programs for kids with summer bdays in the area) or I sent her to K and hope for the best. She is emotionally likely to need the extra year, I am concerned about the fact that she is quite tall for her age and is still jumping percentiles in hight for age measurements. (when she came home she was 5% now she is 63rd%) Like boys who are small/late developing have difficulty girls who are tall/early developing have difficulty as well...So I am struggling with this issue as well. Many of my friends are teachers and they all say give her the extra year...that is probably what I will do but it is definately a decision that I think and wonder about often.

Best of luck to you and your son.

[Katie63011]

Nancy,

Our school system has a full day preschool. You pay for it, it's comprable to daycare costs.

Also, good daycare's do run their 4-5 year old rooms like preschool with lots of structure and academic approach.

I tried doing the varied daycare thing as well as I work part time frome home, but I decided it wasn't fair to the kids as it was confusing and bit the bullet and put my son in full day (he's 4) and my daughter in five mornings a week. It has worked out much better for all involved. It's hard to stomach the daycare bills, but if you look at it as only one more year, it makes it seem better.

[KimOH]

We went through kindergarten screening last year. However, the district was very clear that it was not "readiness testing." It was was benchmarking to let the teachers know what the kids coming in already know/don't know. If your child would be 5 by September 30, they were not denied admission.

I got the impression that it was a generalized result. As in, "Most of the kids know ___, ___, and ___, so those can be covered quickly." Not "Johnny needs extra help on his shapes."

That being said, my son's birthday is September 28 (two days before the deadline.) I chose to start him the following year. I spoke to a number of teachers and one of them told me the same think that k8c said: they'd never had a parent regret holding a child back in K, but they had parents who wished they had.

My son could have been academically ready last year... Probably. But, I'll admit, I'm surprised at the amount and level of work that the kids are expected to do. The "big finish" to my Kindergarten experience was learning to write my name. Not only was DS "expected" to know how to do that before he even started K, he's writing sentences now and reading whole picture books!

The biggest difference I noticed in my son between August 2005 (when he would have qualified by age to begin K) and August 2006 (when he did start) was his self confidence. He's always been a really "good kid" and never a discipline problem. However, he didn't speak up much in class... And had a tendency to follow other kids' leads, even if he knew they were making poor choices.

This year, he is a self-confident young man who makes his own choices. He even started hanging around less with one child that he'd been buddy-buddy with at the beginning of the year. I asked why, and he said it was because the other boy makes poor choices (and often ends up on "red" on the behavior chart) and he doesn't want to do the same. I think that shows some maturity that he would not have had last year. And he loves school... Which, I think, is huge.

My decision was not at *all* based in trying to make him the "best" in his class or anything. The most critical point in my decision making process was setting him up in a place where he could succeed and develop a good attitude toward school. It's only going to get tougher from here, I think, and I think starting out with an "I love school" attitude is so much easier to foster/work with than if he started out with a "School's too hard." attitude.

Best of luck with whatever decision you make.

[KimOH]

Originally Posted by nhook

I am not aware of any fulltime preschool.

The program my son was in was at a "daycare." However, they ran a NAEYC-accredited preschool in the mornings, then daycare in the afternoon. Most kids stayed all day, but some did not. And the afternoon activities were also very pre-school like.

[angelkisses0102]

I can tell you right now, our decision for DS is already made. He is just three right now but has a mid-July birthday and our school district has a September 1 cutoff. He will be starting pre-school in August as a newly turned 4 yo, pre-K at newly turned 5, and K at newly turned 6. All for social and emotional need not based on intelligence.

DD started K this year less than 2 weeks after turning 5. Big mistake in my perfect 20/20 hindsight. She is very smart...and very social but was not emotionally ready. Of course her friend who was in her class dying 2 months ago has not helped. She is the smallest in her class (and I believe out of all of the approx. 100 students in K.) She is being bullied by one of the already turned 6 yo girls. This has caused a huge set back in her emotional well being and attachment. Yes my kiddo who never showed any attachment issues is now showing some very anxious tendencies.

In my research on this, I have yet to find a single instance of someone who has regretted the hold-back decision and many who have not held back regretting that decision...including us.

Good luck.

[pequele]

Originally Posted by waitinginnj

The downsides for her have been the extra things. The gymanstics classes are based upon school grade. The class was too babyish for her by mid year. I actually pulled her out for the spring. The camps are based on school grades are too babyish for her. Thankfully, one by me is pretty flexible, and she is going to hip hop class that she technically misses the cut off from by one day.

I think that I will continue to be somewhat challenged to match up the age/school/social aspects.

My little one came home at 2. I decided to not fight the system and let her be a baby a bit longer. I very much took into consideration that she will drive first, be older when she starts college etc. I saw the high school and college years as age being an advantage.

It isn't easy to decide though.

that is the truth!!! I went to kindergarten when I just turned 4 yrs old. I never played soccer nor softball with the kids in my grade because it was age based. I WAS in girl scouts with the girls in my class but that was grade based. I didn't get my license until the end of my junior year however I was eligible for my permit on the day I turned 15 at the end of my sophomore year when everyone else in my class had to wait 'til they were 15 and 1/2 before they could even take the class in school (they HAD to let me take it the last quarter of 10th grade per district requirements and I turned 15 in this time). I graduated high school barely 17.

At times it literally sucked not being able to to activities with my classmates and instead with the kids in the class below me. Am I scarred for life??? No. Did I get over it??? Of course.

But boys are differnt than girls. I can't remember kids being held back in K or 1st...I do remember kids being held back in 3rd, 4th and 5th...these kids were scarred, labeled and rejected by peers!!! Kids are cruel and once they "know" what is going on like a classmate being held back there will be a lot more for that child to deal with socially and emotionally than if they were held back early on. He may be able to get along academically but school isn't all books and homework! I also think making your decision to put him in K just because it works for your schedule is not a good decision. He needs to be truly ready or you may have more problems on your hands a year or so down the road.

Is it possible to pull him out if you enroll him in K and you find in a month or so it was a bad decision???

[qs mom]

As I mentioned, my son turned 5 the week before K started. Our district doesn't allow repeating pre-K. I wouldn't have held him back anyway.

My son actually matured by going ahead to K. My son kept on the babyish behavior as long as he was with younger kids. He still does.

My son doesn't/can't follow directions either. But, being in school has helped to find out why. It isn't because he's immature, it isn't because he's a brat, it's because he has CAPD. So when more than 1 person is speaking, he cannot pick out 1 voice to follow.

And getting this DX may never have happened if I hadn't mentioned something regarding his spelling tests to the principal. His SLP wanted to test him out of speech.

Will your child's maturity be held back by holding him back? (as mine was) or will maturity advance by being held back?

[Katie63011]

Originally Posted by KimOH

The program my son was in was at a "daycare." However, they ran a NAEYC-accredited preschool in the mornings, then daycare in the afternoon. Most kids stayed all day, but some did not. And the afternoon activities were also very pre-school like.

Same with my experience. It is at a daycare but accredited preschool program. For those who don't nap, they even have a kindergarten readiness program in the afternoon after the mandatory 30 minute rest time. Separate teacher who comes in and works with the the children who are getting ready for kindergarten next year.

Your best best bet is to take a look at daycares. Also, check out your YMCA. Some of our branches offer a daycare and it is a bit less than traditional daycares.

[Sashasearch]

It sounds like daycare and work concerns are leading you in a direction you wouldn't normally go. I say seriously consider waiting to send your son to KG, regardless of the other legitimate stresses this may cause. The school situation will cause worse stress later (and soon) if it doesn't go well, and you don't want to forever second-guess yourself. Sending him as a bit older boy has much less risk.

I'm a teacher, my brother wasn't held back and should've been, and I've talked to many parents who've wished they held their children back before KG. (Challenges often show up in adolescence, if not right away.) Repeating KG is an option, but there is a stigma attached to that, even at that young age, unfortunately, and in his own mind. He could associate school with the feeling of struggling and failing to keep up...not good.

I've also seen great benefits for children who became leaders b/c of being a bit older than the others. Add to this that your little guy is a male, probably not a native speaker, and that other issues may come up related to his having been adopted, and I feel that he would be set up for a much tougher attempt at success if he starts KG before he "has to".

Kids grow up too quickly these days, anyway, and he's already socially not prepared to keep up, accd. to his teachers. He doesn't need to find himself feeling frustrated and behind in his first year in school, even "just" socially. He needs to feel like someone who is capable, confident, and can navigate interpersonally...already a little more complex for kids who were adopted.

So, all my best wishes to you in your family's decision! Your son has a mom who cares enough to seek out help ...good for both of you!