[kahoxworth]

I've read a lot of posts dealing with the question of what ages were requested, what sort of medical issues, etc...but what about the more specific, seemingly "superficial" requests?

We've just started compiling our dossier and are coming across those questions that ask if we have a preference for hair color, eye color, etc. I'm finding that we're simultaneously intrigued and put off by the idea...we're charmed by the idea of a little redheaded spitting image of his daddy, but then there's the uneasy, nagging feeling that we'd be "special ordering" a child to our specifications that doesn't quite sit well either.

So my question is, did you make any special requests? Were those requests honored? Would you have done anything differently?

[beckyww]

We asked for a girl aged 4 - 8. Julia had just turned six at the time of our first trip. We specified nothing on physical characteristics but darn - she looks like our other girls! She especially looks like our eldest did at that age. Numerous friends have commented on that.

I think it's easier on the kids if they look like everybody else, so, her appearance was a happy coincidence.

We would never have requested a specific hair or eye color or whatever. But if we had done so, we would have requested a child that looked just like her.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[kretzklan]

We only requested gender and age for our children. I don't remember there even being an option to chose anything more specific. I would say that the more requests you have, the longer you can expect to wait for a referal.
I wouldn't have chosen anything different than we did. Our DD has very little in common with us physically...but she is the right one for us. Our son looks more like our oldest son...people are amazed!

[calikismet]

We had those questions on our application as well -- did we want to specify hair and eye color? We put "any" on both of those boxes. DH has blue eyes and dark blonde hair; I have dark brown eyes and brown hair, with sorta olive colored skin. So we felt we had the bases covered!

In the end, we wound up with 2 blonde-haired, blue-eyed children that look exactly like one another (even tho adopted over 500 miles and 18 months apart), and look nothing like me. I get questions when I am out about whether my husband has blonde hair (primarily b/c my kids are SO blonde). I am glad that my kids look like one another so that they can choose to share or not tell their adoption stories -- they are not obviously adopted (they will be 2 years apart in school, so they will share the same school often).

I would not have felt comfy specifiying characteristics... you hit it on the head: we'd be special ordering kids, and that makes me a bit squemish.. Just my opinion, tho. If DH and I and DS all had blonde hair and blue eyes, we may have specified our daughter share those characteristics to minimize the differences she may feel. But that was never something we had to cross.


Hope that helps!

[bonsaroonie]

We requested a specific age (under 12 months) but no gender. We did request light eyes. (Our request was honored.) DH and I have light eyes and fair skin, so it was important to us that our child have light eyes.

One of the reasons we adopted from Russia was the idea of our son resembling us. The reality is that we are afforded some privacy because no one would suspect Pierce was adopted by just "looking" at us.

Sure, to some that may sound petty. I can live with that. There are lots of wonderful folks on this board who didn't have any preference.

I just wanted to let you know that some of us did specify. In the end, I wouldn't change our request. In fact, if the option is still available, I plan to make the same request should we adopt again.

The right answer is quite simple: do what's right for you and your husband! Good luck!

[amyfk]

Hi,

I did put some requests on my dossier. The major thing that was important to me was that I have a "healthy child." So therefore on my documents I put "minor correctable conditions." However, even though I listed that, I still got a few refrrals of kids who I felt had more than minor correctable conditions. I had to wait a while until the referral of my child came down the pike.
I believe you can specify hair or eye color. We didnt do anything of the sort. We specified that we preferred a girl and from ages 12mo.-24mo.( I think).
In the end, I opened up my parameters to either male or female and basically up to 24 mo. of age. My main criteria was health. In the end we got a healthy, thriving baby girl. Ironically folks tell me she looks like me. I never get asked outside if she is adopted. Only difference is my skin is a shade lighter than hers. But she is a cutie!

Good luck to you,
Amy K, NJ

[Ktates]

We had hair and eye color on our form too (this was a region thing not an agency thing I think) - but we left them blank and specified an age range, minor correctable conditions and a few health conditions we were accepting of.

Many times in our region I have seen that the child referred looks A LOT like the adoptive parents - I sometimes wonder if that was intentional on the MOE's part. Anyhow - DH is blond - our referral actually said that she was blond as well and her baby photo looks a lot like DH - well when we got there - her hair was actually jet black!!! She was put on the database really young and so they sometimes guess on the hair color or go by the mother's hair color. So even putting hair and eye color doesn't mean you will get a match!

best of luck

[justmp]

Both times we adopted we specified age (as young as possible), and only "minor correctable" health issues. We didn't care about hair color or eye color, but in the end these two kiddos really couldn't look anymore like us. I've actually seen that happen again and again in the five years I've been actively involved in the Russian adoption community.

[Aphi86]

We didn't request hair and eye color either but rather a girl 3-4. In the end we actually had to change our home study to state "girl only" because that was not honored with the first referral. Our referral was 14 mos old, but turned out perfect for our family.

[Pinkie]

I requested gender and age. DD's age was higher than requested but everything seemed right.

Ktates, like you I often wonder if these matches are intentional on the MOE part of if its pure coincidence.

[Ebadge90]

We requested either gender, but a specific age range. We had no option on eye color, hair color or complexion.
As other have said, I think the MOE looks at family pictures and tried to match children according to that, as much as possible. We have been approached in stores by complete strangers and told "there is no denying that he is his fathers son." He looks that much like me. Even his baby pictures look like my baby pictures. Coincidence? Maybe, maybe not.

[SingleMama2B]

Though I adopted an older child that I met through a Summer Hosting Program, I would not have been able to request how much my (now) Darling Daughter looks like me. They had NO pictures of me, or even a description - only age, job, income, homeowner, etc. (typical questions required for hosting). It truly is spooky how much we resemble each other. Also, my Sister and BIL hosted at the same time as I did, and their daughter truly does look like them and their 2 biochildren! I believe it is more fate (at least for me), then anything else. GOd knew that we both needed each other, and he put us together. IMHO, it was not by accident. No one can believe that I did not give birth to her.....

Congrats on beginning your Journey of a Life Time

[catabaia]

We initially had a lot of specific request regarding health, but my agency cut it off and we ended up asking for a girl less than 24 mo, generally healthy with only minor correctable health problems. No eyes/hair color specifications. I was also told that they are usually tyring to match babies looking like their adopting parents 9this is why they are asking for our pictures). However, I think more important than anything is to have a healthy child.

[Kasey]

It was on the list for options for our adoption in 2004, but not this time in 2006. So it seems agency does not want you to request physical characteristics now.

We didn't either time, just gender and age in 2004 and just age for 2006.

[kahoxworth]

I appreciate everyone's candor. I had noticed what seemed to be incredible coincidences as far as children being placed with families of similar physical characteristics...I've been wondering how much of that was an effort on the MoE's part, specific requests on the part of the parents, and how much was truly just that: coincidence. I agree that of course what is of utmost importance is the child's health, but I appreciate the responses from all sides!