[KiraLin]

I also had the option of making specific requests but chose only to ask for a girl as healthy as possible betw. 6-18months but expected the child to be on the older side of the request. I wound up with a referral for a 9month old much to my suprise. When the referral was mad my dd had very little blond hair and blue eyes. Some people insist she looks just like me and there are some similarities in some facial features and fair skin color. So no one has ever questioned her being mine but I do get asked constantly "Wherever did she get those beautiful curls?" (my hair is baby fine and stick straight). DD has amazing Shirly Temple curls. Athough I am dying to say something like, "gee I didn't really get a good look at her father...or something worse...I have reframed. I was also told while I was in Russia that the MOE does try to match children and families with similar looks. The curly hair thing...would never have guessed that at the time of referral!

[lakimnafite]

We had the option on the form as well. DH, DS and I all have blue eyes. DH has dark hair, mine if very light, and DS is somewhere in the middle. I really wanted a blue eyed daughter, but felt odd writing it on a form.

So.. instead we put girl, young as possible (I think under 18 months, then we upped it to 24 months), healthy. But I talked to my agency about my secret desire for a blue eyed daughter. So, they were on the lookout a bit for that.

Our first referral, which we accepted, after we lost Olya had dark hair and eyes. We did have to release our hold on her (NOT due to eye color!!!) due to some medical issues that we were not aware of before we traveled. Our facilitator in the region told us the MOE had another child already selected which was 'better suited' for our family.

The next day - there she was - very blue eyes! Not enough hair to tell... still not enough hair to really tell the color.

I was told that there was a woman in the MOE office who had some background in genetics and prided herself on finding the perfect child based on the family pictures and what they list that they desire. She did a wonderful job for us!

Here is Allie on the day we met her and the family the day Allie and I got home.

[Chris3148]

Like others we did not request eye color or hair color, but did request as healthy as possible. We had no gender preference and asked for one child under 18 months or siblings under 4. Secretly, my Dh wanted to have a little girl or boy that looked like me but we never told our agency this. I have fair skin, brown eyes, and light brown hair. Dh has olive skin, black hair, and brown eyes. We adopted two beautiful blondies. My oldest daughter has white blond hair and gray eyes and is very fair skinned. Her little sister has dark blond hair and brown eyes and is very fair skinned. Every place we go people say the girls look like me, particulary my youngest. Of course they look nothing like Dh, but their personality is ALL HIM!! And the girls, they are bio sisters who are 22 months apart, but could pass as twins!

Our girls were a referral that was pre-chosen by our agency, instead of by the MOE. Then they let the MOE know we were interested and then official referral was given from the MOE. (This use to happen in the region we adopted from but not anymore) Anyway, when our agency called they said they had two little girls who looked just like me.

[momraine]

We did not have any of those options, but I chose my daughter in Russia, so I guess I could have looked at that, and I did notice one child I did not choose had eyes the color of my son. However, my daughter had dark eyes, no one in my family does, and she was bald as could be. However, now I get comments all the time on how much she looks like me. Her hair grew out the exact color of mine. No one notices she has brown eyes and mine are green, they just comment on how much she looks like me. We both have blond hair and fair skin, dh has fair skin and red hair like my oldest bio son, however my other bio son has very dark hair and my green eyes only a little darker! People always assumed he was the adopted one! My new son has Roma blood so he doens't look like us, but it really has not been an issue at all.
I have my own opinions on why adoptive kids so often resemble adoptive parents, but since this is not the religion board I will keep it to myself!

[GCS]

We had the option when we adopted to choose eye color and hair along with race, sex of the child and age. We put any in the eye and hair color options and only requested age and sex. One toddler and one infant - one boy and one girl.
We were referred a 3 year old boy and a 5 month old girl who are not bio sibs but look remarkably alike. (they really didnt at referral - she looked like she would be a red-head at first and after a few months home her hair came in in dark blonde curls, just like me.)

Like Momraine, I don't believe in coincidences. I am quite sure you will be referred the child that is meant to be yours regardless as to what you put on the form.

All the best!
Christina

[karenmarq]

Our agency did the matching and we put blonde or brown hair on the form.

In the referral picture and when we met our daughter the first time her hair was reddish. It has now turned brown.

No one ever asks if she was adopted, and I am so thankful for that. People say, "Oh she has blue eyes like her mom." (Mine are green!)

I would go ahead and put a preference for red hair if that matches your family.

I guess I have strong opinions on this. My hair is blonde and I am tall and slim. My mother has dark hair and is short and overweight. I was not adopted and I needed to do some therapy about this as an adult since I didn't really have a role model who seemed like me. It is why we chose Russia over another country.

[Kama]

Momraine, I am with you as far as the unstated religious comment!

We adopted from Poland (as Momraine did one of her children) and we were told that the physical characteristics go into the decision by adoption authorities there with the goal of children being able to pass as bio children. At the same time, it is very unfavorably looked upon when prospective adoptive parents try to pick a child based on any of the physical characteristics and state their requirements clearly in their applications. However, our adopted children have blue eyes and blonde (girl) and bright red hair (boy). Their eyes/ hair do not really look like either of us, but we still get comments about how "natural" we all look. Well, I am a blonde with fine hair with brown eyes myself and my BIO mother has wonderful thick brown her and very blue-eyes!!

Originally Posted by momraine

I have my own opinions on why adoptive kids so often resemble adoptive parents, but since this is not the religion board I will keep it to myself!

[momraine]

It's interesting how different people react differently. I have a very close friend who ended up needing therapy because she looked just like her mom and just like her big sister. However, she had a different personality but people expected her to be just like her mom and sister (who were a lot alike) She had a totally different personality and totally different interests but found it hard to get people to understand that she was different from her mom and her sister. I actually worry about that with my son who looks like my husband and is a lot like him, I want him to be able to also be an individual and not the clone my in laws keep joking he is. The same with my daughter, though she is adopted she looks so much like me, but she has her own unique personality. Of course I was very open as to age and gender and even special needs, so I am probably a little different than most adopters. If I can talk dh into another child I am thinking about Africa, so of course that child would not be blond like me, LOL. Since getting our son, I have realized that looks are really so unimportant.

[angelkisses0102]

Things have a way of working out for the best...

For DD we wanted a girl, AYAP with minor correctable health issues. We sorta got that...she was actually pretty (very) sick but it was correctable. She was listed as blond hair...but was a baldie and now has dark blond, auburnish hair.

Let's DS was supposed to a EuroAsian (dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin) GIRL! He has been checked several times to ensure he was not an albino...he had white blond hair, beautiful blue eyes...and as fair as they come. And of course he is a BOY, not a girl...LOL!

[swmphoto]

We requested a boy under one. Although there were
no specific forms to fill out I was hoping for a blue
eyed child as my daughters have blue eyes. Well
we got a big brown eyed beauty but other that that he
looks just like my girls and his dad. My oldest daughter
and Grady actually have matching birth marks on thier
shoulder it is very strange.

[bblb]

Hello!

We were looking into Guatemala adoption, and while we have not ruled anything out, we are also looking at other countries, including domestic.

Eye color, hair color, skin color, has not and will not be a factor for us.

We are just looking forward to being parents, and to introducing our ten nieces and nephews their newest cousin!

Some of our nieces and nephews are adopted from Korea, who are absolutely gorgeous in every way, shape and form.

I respect everyone's choice and decisions, just wanted to pass along ours too.

Hope everyone has a great night,

Brandii

[Kama]

I agree with bblb, that in the end it does not matter. Nonetheless, since adoption from countries where we have roots was available, that was a preferred option for us. We were aware that some children adopted by racially/ethnically different families do have some identity issues at some point in life and it does create problems. Arguably, it is easier for kids to adjust and blend with the family that is ethnically/racially closer - it is just more comfortable for everyone involved (unless someone wants to make a political statement or whatever). Having said that, in Poland there are children of Roma descent, as well as children of other nationalities (for example, biracial, Polish-African or Polish-Asian kids). This is also true about Russia and other post-Soviet countries. We were completely open to that and put it in our application. No matter, what the skin shade, eye color or shape, hair color or texture that would have been a Polish child to us. If Poland did not work for us, we would have looked to other countries, CEE first, and then non-CEE. Just wanted to make that point clear.

[momraine]

For our fist adoption, it did occur to us that a child who looked more like us would have fewer problems, but then once we decided on kids who had very visable special needs it really didn't matter. People don't notice his beautiful dark Roma features, because they are too busy staring at his wheelchair or noticing he has no legs. Once people get to know him, they do tell me how adorable he is and how cute his smile is and how long his eyelashes. He is definatally the child for us. Each family must do what is right for them, but I think most people really underestimate themselves and what they could handle.

[RBSVARCHER]

We asked for olive complection, brown eyes and blonde hair. Our DS has white skin that tans, big brown eyes and "fair" hair b/c they do not have the word blonde in their language.

Everything and more that we asked for!!

Shoot for the stars!! Ask for someone who will blend in with your family - it worked for us!!

[erickk]

Our first adoption (first child) we requested an infant of either sex and were referred a 13 month old boy. Our 2nd adoption we started out requesting a child of either sex 18 months to 3 years old. As the time progressed due to the many changes in Russia we changed our request (because I was NOT getting any younger ) to a child of either sex 2 to 4 years old. We were sent a referral of an 11 month old boy :-) Yep, I'll be putting off retirement a bit longer--now that he has been home almost a year (and is 10 times more active than our first son) we cannot imagine life without him. We thought we were tuckered out with our first son--whew! Now instead of having "senior moments" I can just tell eveyone that I have not slept for 3 days (which is always true...).