[cathvash]

Hi everyone... This is not one I hoped to write. I am now in region for a blind referral, Trip 1! I just arrived (here it's Saturday evening) and l left on Thursday, travelling straight through...Can't say where the last 2 days went, but there were many flights and delays and lost luggage (now found). The transpacific flight had so much turbulance that it was a bit like trying to sleep in a chair thrown in the back of a hummer while it's off-roading. I am so exhasuted and stressed out after all the last minute preparations, work stresses, leaving my daughter behind, lack of sleep and traveling alone... The brain is fried!

When I stepped off the plane I met my facilitator and was immediately handed the referral info. -Age, sex, medical info, and pictures. Yes, literally as I am standing there with my bags in front of the airport!
Shouldn't have done it because of my current state, but I couldn't help it.... I started reading it right away! By the time we got to the hotel, I was an emotional basketcase, but tried to remain pleasant and do the small talk, all the while my mind reeling.

The problem is that I so desperately want everything to be "right", but frankly this referral is scaring me. It doesn't help that this child is about the cutest little kid I have ever seen. Birthmom did IV drugs. Baby tested positive for several nasty things but seroconverted and is now "clean". The most frightening thing is that baby was premature, and was and still is at 2 1/2 years off the growth charts for ht/wt/ and head circumference!! I mean BELOW 0 percentile!

I know, I know - get an IA doc's opinion, and I am, but they are out of pocket until Monday morning which is when I'm supposed to go to the baby home. In the meantime my mind is spinning. Part of me thinks I should decline the referral before I even meet the child based on the fact that is seems likely a child with these issues and exposure to IV drugs will at some point develop problems I am not equiped to deal with... Is that a logical thought? Is it even right? If I don't even meet this child, maybe it won't be so hard...

Any thoughts or ideas about challenges I might encounter if I accept the referral of a tiny child who had exposure to IV drugs in the womb?

Thanks...I'm going to finally sleep now, and will read your responses when the brain is more coherent...

[randloar]

No suggestions for you other than maybe try to get some sleep and see how you feel in the morning........So sorry that your trip was so tough, and that the referral is now so stressful on top of a hard trip. Since we are still in Moscow, I guess I am awake with ya, while most in the states may just be waking up!!

Everyone is different, but I think that I would relook at their info you have in the morning, or after a nap, but also listen to your instincts as that can be just as valid as whatever an IA doc tells you from over the ocean. Are the growth stats consistenly below the chart range (growing consistent pattern, but staying small)? If you were to 'correct' the age for how much of a preemie they were does that help at all (thats what our doc did for our boy, and he wasnt really so far below the chart, more like following along the bottom!!). Just thoughts.

No matter what, our thoughts are with you, and we hope that you find your child and meet them soon!!!

[Kasey]

We have experience with the IV drug abuse with our one guy, alot will depend on what drug was abused. He was also positive at birth for several different things and was born at 35 weeks (not too premature, but a month) and went thru withdrawal.

As far as the measurements, i would not totally panic yet, I NEVER trust measurements they give me. Go there and do them yourself. We have gotten so many different measurements by whoever is doing it at the time, especially head.

If you want to email me or pm me about the IV drug stuff feel free to do so, I just dont want to write all about our guys history in a public forum.
Kevkrishark@aol.com

Hopefully a good nights sleep can help clear things a little too!!

[votemom]

i have no advice, but am praying for you right now.

[britfish]

I hope you are feeling better w/ a little sleep. I often read the Drug Exposed forum on this site and there are lots of discussions about specific drugs and about general drug exposed issues. Amazingly, most kids do better than you might imagine. It seems many deal w/ ADD and Sensory type issues but that seems to be the main things (and some don't seem to have long term effects).
I hope you are able to come to your desicision soon, I'm sure this is a very difficult time for you.

[kretzklan]

I hope the IA doc can give you some advice - I think I would go see the baby...do some of your own measurements, see if you can talk to caregivers and the med staff there. Perhaps more will be gleaned from a face to face visit. My thoughts are with you...

[MissDaisyofTexas]

I have no advice since I haven't been through this yet, but just wanted you to know that our thoughts and prayers are with you on this trip. I hope that you can get some rest today and tomorrow and that your visit with your child goes better than expected.

[Ebadge90]

My son was born Hep C and HIV pos. He has since tested negative for each, so is considered clean. His mother was an IV drug user, whose whereabouts were unknown at time of our court date.
Our son has been tested by the pediatrician and had early intervention examine him. They had to mess with the numbers in order for us to qualify for early intervention assistance. In other words, at 16 months, he was right where he should have been in all categories other than speech. And there was no surprise there since he had only been listening to English for 2 months. He is still on the small side, but each visit to the doctors he increases his position on the chart.
The final decision is up to you, obviously, but from somebody that had to deal with some of the same issues as you are now dealing with, if I had the chance to adopt another child with the same "problems" as my son has, I would do it in a minute.

[maddensmom]

Thinking of you. And praying that you find peace with whatever decision you make.

[ddahl]

We too received a referral with multiple issues, HIV, Small head circumference, rickets, heerniated umbilicus, and the list goes on. You will likely know in your gut when you meet the baby. It was obvius it was a total crock. The stress is overwhelming. You are tired and alone there. Hol dthe line! Stay the course. If the referral feels bad then pack it in a get out of there.

I will always remember in court that the Doctor from the baby home said DS was a child no Russian would have. Frail, sickly, and a red head who probably would not survive the winter so he should be placed with these kind American who can offer him the medical resources he so desparatly needed. I will post a picture of him next. My prayers are with you! No regrets! Follow your gut! Eat a nice meal and take a bath. You can get through this!

[ddahl]

here is my referral photo, one a year later and one more recently at my brothers wedding. My poor little surviror is now a total thriver!

[amyfk]

Wow,

So sorry youre going through all of this. I"d be spinning my head too! I know the way I am.

Although i had issues until we got my baby, we had a referral in advance system, so we were more prepared.

I think although you have an IA doctor at your disposal, you have to go with your gut feelings. You have to feel comfortable with the child. This child, will afterall, be under your care for the next 18 years(and if ill and cannot take care of yourself perhaps until the day you die--you may have to put her in a special facility). Now some folks are comfortable with that and others aren't you have to be comfortable with what youre tak
ing o
n.

Can you call your agency stateside and tell them what happened in Russia? From what I understood, if you are not comfortable with a referral, you can ask to see other children while incountry

Good luck and take care of yourself during this stressful time.

Amy K, NJ

[RainyInGA]

YOU GET SLEEP AND GO MEET THAT CHILD!!!!
Face to face, you will see how they react & function. Being a mom already, has given you way more skills that you give yourself credit for!! You will know if there is something wrong- red flags. have the doc check too of course, but there is nothing like seeing the child for yourself.

I say this so adamently because I too, was handed a scary file & a HORRIBLE pix just 30 minutes off the plane! I started to say "no thanks" when suddenly they opened the door and this little darling quietly walked into my arms. unprepared, I sat down and got to know the child.They even let me take her to a Russian hospital for specialized testing the next day because of my concerns. When we got home HALF of all the stuff in her file proved untrue.

If I had not met her face to face I wouldve lost out on the child I knew was meant to be ours.


Good luck. trust your heart.

[angelkisses0102]

I would meet the child. Our DD was and still is tiny...most 3 year olds are bigger than her and she is 5.5 yo and been with us since she was 10 months old. We had a few horrid photos and a minimul medical history...and she was hospitalized her entire life due to being so sick.

What are the firstmom's stats? DD's first mom was tiny...barely 5 feet tall and only 100 pounds...so we are assuming she will favor her. DD has a little head...but it is in proportion to the rest of her body. Look for a growth curve...regardless of where it is, does she have a good curve. DD's was well below zero...and stayed there for quite a while after coming home...it wasn't until she had been home over 3 years that she finally spurted.

I would worry less about the drugs than I would about drinking. Check out some of the threads here in relation to the drugs.

Good luck, praying you find peace in whatever decision you make.

Karen

[Annabell]

Oh my! This does sound overwhelming. Right now, you just need sleep and food and more sleep. Any heavy decision-making probably should wait until you're semi-recovered.

I also would advise you to meet the little one. The measurements are often "off". You'll be able to tell so much more about baby if you meet.

When you're rested, please let us know how you're doing.