[cindyc]

Bless your heart! For what it's worth, yes, I would at least meet the child. Keep in mind that most of these children are on the very small side, and most of them have extremely scary medical diagnoses attached to them. (Ours included - he's a doll and perfectly healthy.)

We were told on trip 1 that our son had a brain tumor. When we went to pick him up on trip 2, we were told the brain tumor was just about gone. We smiled politely and said, "oh, how wonderful!" LOL!

Best wishes for sleep and sanity,
Cindyc

[Pinkie]

You sound so stressed my heart goes out to you. I hope by the time you get back to these messages you'll be better rested.

You can only go with your heart and that can only really happen if you go and see this baby girl. You will know when you meet her and whatever decision you make it will be the right decision for you.

[Russiaknight]

Well I can't offer anything new beyond what everyone else has already said. We went on a blind referral as well and there were some scary things that never materialized. I just wanted to wish you peace and sending good thoughts and prayers your way...

[becky26]

I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I truly hope that you will find an answer very soon. My blind referral trip last summer was one of the worst things in my life. My advice - take a close look at the picture. If you see something in his face that makes you smile, I would go and visit him. I was given a picture of a blind referral - I knew this would not be my daughter. But I gave in, and we met her. It was so difficult to go through these emotions, and I do not wish anyone to feel this pain. We took a huge risk by turning down this referral - but we received another referral the next day: our daughter! Listen to your heart.

[Kellster]

It seems that I have ready over and over again about diagnoses (of Russian children waiting to be adopted) that turn out to be at least half untrue. Does anyone here know why? Are the doctors there simply less competent diagnosticians, are they trying to discourage international adoption, or are there simply a lot of honest errors being made?

Thank you.

Kelly

[k8c]

I hope you got some sleep! Just checking in to see if you've made any decisions. I'm hoping that you decided to go and meet the child in person. Let us know how you are!

Kate

[kimber413]

Originally Posted by Kellster

It seems that I have ready over and over again about diagnoses (of Russian children waiting to be adopted) that turn out to be at least half untrue. Does anyone here know why? Are the doctors there simply less competent diagnosticians, are they trying to discourage international adoption, or are there simply a lot of honest errors being made?

Thank you.

Kelly

Hi Kelly,
No, the doctors aren't incompetent, it's just a difference in our medical practice and theirs. In Eastern European medicine, it's often assumed that everything is wrong with a child until it is ruled out. There's actually scary sounding terminology they use for the simple act of being born.

One of the adoption doctors (don't know if I can say his name) says this on his website:

"The use of medical terminology differs among countries. The best example is perinatal encephalopathy, a diagnosis listed in close to 100% of children referred from Russia. To most physicians in the United States, perinatal encephalopathy is an ominous condition which denotes a child at high risk of cerebral palsy and mental retardation. In Russia, the diagnosis may be made if the attending physician feels there is evidence from the history or physical exam that the child was "stressed" at some point in the pregnancy, delivery or post-partum period. In other words, the child--in their minds--is at risk for neurologic damage. A course of therapy is then prescripbed and most children "recover" by a year of age. Complicating the use of this term is that the diagnosis may also be applied in situations where the orphanage director doese not want to appear to be placing too many "normal" children abroad or of the institution wants to be eligible for additional funding.

The indiscriminate and non-medical use of these and other terms has led many adoption professionals to advise their clients to ignore the m edical diagnoses listed in their child's medical history. However, you should never completely igore any diagnosis unless the records contain evidence that suggests the diagnosis is incorrect.

Your first step is to seek counsel from your physician. A child with a diagnosis of "perinatal encephalopathy" who rolls over at four months, sits at seven, and walks at twelve does not have the motor impairments consistent with their diagnosis. However, acquisition of developmental milestones within an institutional care environment is usually delayed. In situations where the accuracy of a diagnosis is questioned, seek assistance from a physician who has experience interpreting adoption medical information."

I do know that measurements are sometimes done improperly due to an assembly line approach to checking the orphanage children. Heads will be measured incorrectly because they are in a hurry and have many children to see. That's why it's generally recommended to do the measurements yourself when you meet the child, especially if nothing else looks wrong on the medical information you receive.

Hope this helps clear things up.

[votemom]

still praying...

[lovestruck]

I just logged on to find your thread. I know how stressful it is to get to the region and have this happen! It is very stressful.

My prayer for you was that you have clarity in what your decision should be and peace in whatever that decision turns out to be.

As heartwrenching as it was to make our decisions when we were in Russia, God gave us the clarity to know that each time we were making the right decision for our family. My prayers will continue for You!

[Kellster]

Hi Kim,

Thank you so much for taking the time to clear that up for me. It is something I have been wondering about for some time...

Thanks again.

Kelly

[cathvash]

WOW...Can I possibly express how awesome you all are?! I just knew you would be there for me, and I feel the support of you helping to hold me up...

It is the middle of the night here, and though I was able to rest pretty well and work past some of that jet lag, it is just a few hours before I have to go meet with the stern local MOE, and face incredible uncertainty.

I have done some more thinking and weighing, and much research over the last day (thank God for hotels with Internet access!), and with much pain have decided to decline this referral. I also had the chance to meet some other adoptive families at the hotel, and they have been a physical presence that my family is unable to provide now... This is something wonderful that we all do for each other...

This child has a head circumference profile that, according to one research article I read, places the child in a group where around 50% will have moderate mental retardation. Many of these children do pretty well, but I can't gamble with those odds. (I'll share some of the great resources I found once I get back). I feel this child would benefit from a family who can provide intensive attention and time resouces and medical/rehab therapy interventions, but how could I do that? I am a single working mother who must work full time to support us, and I have a daughter who also needs to share my limited time/energy/resources. I know that things will be challenging for me, even with a fairly healthy second child. Gosh, this is hard.

The scariest thing is facing that MOE, and explaining why the match she made is not the best choice for either family or child. One lady at the hotel was told after she declined a referral,that there were no more children within her parameters available! (She had a happy ending though.) Talk about a stressful possibility...

-Just need to make it through this very tough day ahead. Trying not to focus beyond today so things don't get too overwhelming. Thanks from "across the pond". I hear you and feel you!! -Cathy

[claricey]

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard this has been and still is for you.

I'll say a prayer that your meeting with the MOE goes well and that you will be afforded the opportunity of another referral quickly.

We're there with you in spirit and here if you need anything.

Take care!
Claricey

[amyfk]

Hi Cathy,

Just want to let you know I'm thinking of you. Lately Ive been hearing of too many families whove been traveling blindly to Russia and were not given children in the parameters of what they requested in their homestudy. It's hard.

I wish you the ultimate best.

Amy K, NJ

[Annabell]

Cathy --

I'm so happy that you finally got some rest and that you found some clarity. We turned down two referrals, and although I still think of those children, and wonder whether they found families, as Clint put it, "A man's got to know his limitations." (In your case and mine, a woman's got to know her limitations).

I am counting on the MOE meeting going well. May you get a new referral today. We're here, cheering for you.

[susanandgrace]

Hi there!

I'm glad that you have some support @ the hotel. Also, I am glad that you feel @ peace for declining the referral.

I pray you will find the perfect match while you are in Russia.