[crispex]

Hi all, I was just wondering how crying fits & temper tantrums are handled in the baby hospitals / orphanages. I'm not worried about my little girl or have any desire to use less than acceptable methods to deal with these fits, but I am just curious if anyone knows how they "normally" handle pouting/crying/tantrums.

[amyfk]

I dont know how they handle fits/tantrums, but I certainly hope it isnt anything like that article we read last month about the hospital workers gagging the babies. I think all kids(and adults, me included) will have tantrums and fits from time to time.

I hope you find your answer
Amy K, NJ

[Kama]

Not sure about Russia, but it surely depends on the orphanage. In Poland we have noticed that sometimes they actually give the kid the thing he/she wants to calm them down! Our 4 year old daughter was given sweets when she was acting up (at least a few times that we noticed). Our kids (4 and 8) came to us acting "spoiled" (demanding things by whining and pretend crying), and we figured that this was what went on at least on some occasion. We were also told that the 4 year old would tantrum and get out of control and that the caretakers would take her to a separate room and put her on the bed or somewhere where she could not hurt herself and let her act out, and she would eventually calm down. The caretaker was there and read a book and generally ignored the behavior. I am sure they did not have time to do this all the time (with the ratio of 1 caretaker to 12-14 kids, and the total number of 70 kids ages 2-20).

Especially our 4 yr old has had tantrums that we normally hear about in cases of 2 year olds (screaming, crying, repeating the same phrase hundreds of times, throwing clothing items around the room etc. etc.). Time outs have not worked well, but we have tried to do time-ins and this seems to work better. These have really diminished or they come in waves (a few days of "bad" behavior and then a long stretch of good behavior).

[crispex]

Just to reiterate, my little girl (almost 4 yrs old, home 5 months) really doesn't have many "fits." We manage these fits through a combination of time-outs and time-ins and have had no real issues.

I was just wondering what they would be allowed to get away with in the baby hospital. I do understand that there will be differences (sometimes major) from orphanage to orphanage, but I didn't know if there was "generally accepted practices" in Russia or the orphanages.

[randloar]

We are very curious about this as well......
Since we are still incountry and getting to know each other, its interesting to see how little one reacts to us when we say not to hit us (when he gets wound up, he slaps, then laughs like crazy).....it makes us wonder what was a normal day there, and how/what kind of if any reactions there were to these things.

Please, anyone who has asked or seen how things could be handled, please share!

[momm2be]

I think it depends on age too,

My daughter was in a 5-6 yr old group. They had chairs lined up in one room where they changed their clothes, sat for group things, etc. Each kid had a chair and that's where they sat when they cried. No hugs given. Now that wasn't for all out tantrums--- which I didn't witness.. however from my DD's reports two years later I think that was handled more sternly (with a belt) so it didn't happen much in my daughters group.

When she first came home she would cover her face when she cried. I think this was a trained mechanism... such as I don't want to see you cry, go sit there and cover your face until you are done.

[kretzklan]

My kids experiences were very different from what I've learned through them. They were in two different homes, but in nearly the same age group. Much like Nat's experience above, D had a room with chairs that stayed lined up all the time. That was for lessons, etc. When a child got upset, they had to go to their chair and cry there. I also never saw a full out fit, but according to D - the experience was not good. There was hitting and screaming involved from the caretakers when it happened.

C's experience was totally different. He was a favorite, maybe the favorite and they simply did what he wanted. All the time.

[cdtobin]

Originally Posted by randloar

We are very curious about this as well......
Since we are still incountry and getting to know each other, its interesting to see how little one reacts to us when we say not to hit us (when he gets wound up, he slaps, then laughs like crazy).....it makes us wonder what was a normal day there, and how/what kind of if any reactions there were to these things.

Please, anyone who has asked or seen how things could be handled, please share!

Hope you all travel home happily and safely. PM me when you get home.

[Abdulina]

Depends upon the orphanage. I guarantee you though based on talking to caretakers over the years and teachers over the years, they do not just tell them to sit and cry when they are having a tantrum. There is rough punishment. And most of the caretakers are worn thin as it is. ALOT of orphanages will "drug" the kids for a better lack of words. Even when we hosted our kids, we were given the "medicine" they needed for them to calm down. What?! Yep, given the drugs to give the kids in our own home. But like I said, it really depends on the orphanage. All my kids were punished by spankings, beatings, belts, shoes, pulled up by their ears, etc. in their orphanages. Most my kids were older nad can recall exactly what happened. My two that have been home 3 months are showing signs they had been abused to some extent. I can only give my experiences w/ MY kids. I'm not saying this happens in all orphanages, just saying to calm the kids, I find alot of orphanages do sedate them. Even alot of people on this forum have mentioned their kids get different personalities and arent' as lathargic once they get them for a few days. Some are hyper...they are going through the withdrawal process, Im sure. Each kid has a different experience, that's for sure. Just know this, it is a relief that the kids are home safe and sound. there was a recent article w/ the gagging of babies at a hospital. Can you imagine what else they do??? Talk w/ some older Russian adoptee children and they can tell you vividly. It is very hard to listen to. Yana has told us alot.

AGagin, can't speak for all homes as many are different. I just know in all three regions, our kids suffered abuse.

Take care,

[Annabell]

Hi --

We're not certain, but we do know that:

(a) DD was NOT a favorite (they basically jumped for joy to be rid of her);

(b) in her passport pic, taken several months before we got her, she was very grim and bruised about the head;

(c) she had sizeable bruises on her face and head when we got her;

(d) she was very frightened and sensitive with anything having to do with her face, hair, head -- also suffered SID, which could account for some of that, but the pervasive bruising made us wonder....

When first home, when she cried at all (rare), she cried silently, stuffing her entire right fist into her mouth as the tears rolled down ... we fought desperately to stop this as we were terrified she would choke herself --- obviously a "taught" behavior.

I know that others here would disagree strenuously, and believe in whipping the kids into shape from the first orphanage visit, but...

DD was so frail, so sickly, so frightened, so starved, so bruised and battered, to "discipline" in those circumstances seemed cruel and wrong and unkind and mean-spirited. So we didn't. Likely, we had more issues later, but I don't regret our stance at the time.
She's now the kindest, most gentle, unassuming, earnest child I know.
Hope this helps!