[ddahl]

Yesterday I resigned from my position of 4.5 years. Many of you have supported us throughout our adoption process and through some hard times professionally so I thought I would post what has happened to me at work.

I returned from work after our September '05 adoption was completed and have endured some extreem discrimination, denied a promotion because I am a mother and a myriad of other things. I was told on Monday that because I am a exempt employee meaning I am salaried that the minimum work expectation for me was 50+ hours. It was the end of the line for me. I was told that I need to be available any time my store is open.

Truth be told, I always believed you could have it all but I now think you can't. I am filled with sorrow over putting my son on day care. For many children its a wonderful solution but for my son it has never been. I will always regret not leaving sooner. I feel like we adopted him then put him in daycare. What is wrong with me? I feel like I lost the last year and a half with him. He informed me on Monday that his baby sitter was his mommy, actually several times. He is three now so I am holeful that we will have some time together before I find another job. DH is pseudo supportive but mad that I let them force me out to some degree. It was like I reached my personal bottom in this job. They clearly drew a line in the sand and I refused to cross it. I am hopeful that we will not suffer as a family because of my choice. Wacking our income in half without good planning was probably a stupid thing to do. All I could see in my heart while my boss and HR were feeding me this line of c*@*@* and telling me I have been a total failure for working only 45 hours a week for the last year, was the face of my beautiful son crying as I drove away one more time and left him at the baby sitter ( we moved him from day care to a private situation last August). I feel as though I have failed him over the last year and a half and it had to stop. I am giving a two week notice then who knows....... Good bye Outback take out and hello Top Ramen and welcome back to living the dream of actually being a Mommy.
Thanks for letting me rant. Dixie

[beckyww]

You did what the rest of us fantasize about doing.

Wishing you the very best.

Becky
The Woodworth Family in Beautiful San Antonio TX

[Abdulina]

Dixie,

I used to work as well and had 2 in daycare/afterschool care. It was tough. Didn't think we could afford to leave the corporate world but after sitting down w/ pencil to paper, realized that we were actually losing money by me working. Not to mention the strain on our PI kids. I know it is a vERY personal choice for everyone and for soem, there is no alternative. You will learn just how much money you CAN save by staying home. Little things are what add up. Going out to lunch on the job, coffee, parking(I had to pay to park), gas to get there and get home, daycare, business suits, cell phones, etc. I left the stock market world of money and stayed home. You can do the same. Look at ALL expenses by writing every single little thing down. Cut out what you can. We have no cell phones now, no cable or satellite, make all our errands in one shot if we can, etc. Also, I have friends who started a coupon savings program. My good friend went shopping and got $1100 worth of food for $45! That's right, over a thousand dollars worth of food for $45. Now, she teaches other people. You'd be amazed at what people are wasting money on. I used to be that way. I look for nothing but deals now. The most we'll pay for a brand new pair of kids' shoes is $5. I buy everything out of season on supersales. (except for Bojan's special shoes). I get free samples all the time. Today, I get to order a brand new digital scale for FREE. Yep, $40 for free. I never have to buy new razors, lotion, etc. I get all tehs samples for free. You will be amazed at what you can do to save money. To market research focus groups. They are fun and pay cash. I get $75 here and there to go express my opinions for an hour or so. It's fun and easy. Do basic mystery shopping. I only do a little b/c it does not pay. But every once in awhile is fun to go out to eat for free. Toys for the kids...I just got Max a birthday present for next month. A $65 remote control car for $7. It's the little things that you can do to make a huge difference. OUr house is not kept warm in winter. We are comfortable and my children want to run around w/ underwear on so I KNOW they aren't cold. Just turning the thermastat down helps.

I'm telling you all this b/c I know coming from the corporate world just how you are feeling. Like you can't make it w/ the income cut in half. Start w/ pencil to paper. How can you change things? Write it down, review it, and write it down again. This will take awhile but it is so worth it. My friend gives seminars now on how to save money. Many are SAHM that quit their jobs and are learning how to save. Our family's income was cut in half when I left my job. We didn't know what we were going to do. Seriously. We had just bought a new car. (only new car we ever had--LOL). I knew I had to do something. We had two kids to take care of. If you want any suggestions, you can write me privately. May take a day or two to respond. I'm trying to help some families right now w/ adoption. But I will write back.

I want you to know it can be done. I'm living proof. and had someone told me years ago I'd have to cut my income in half and try to survive, I would have said no way possible. Yet, it is. I have many friends that stay at home now due to my one friend starting all this. She's been featured on news programs, does speeches, etc. I didn't believe it at first either till I saw all the receipts first hand.

I wish youall the best Dixie. Whether it is staying at home, finding a part-time job or going back to work somewhere else. Only YOU can decide what is in the best interest of your family.

Good luck,

[boatsun]

Dixie,

You did the right thing. You might find that you actually can live on one income. You won't have to pay babysitters or daycare, less dry cleaning, and less commuting. I don't know your situation but sometimes you will find that you can get by on less than you think you need.

See if you can't find a work at home job. I have done that in the past selling software and professional services.

In any case, best of luck to you and enjoy the time you get to spend with your son.

[Ktates]

good for you Dixie - I did the same thing back in September...and I was in a bad place so I quit to save my personal health...so I have no regrets either - I have loved being at home even more than I thought and I am going to be very hard pressed to go back even for part time!!!
Don't beat yourself up that you didn't do it sooner or what led you to this point - just enjoy and take advantage of it! PM or email me if you have a tough time adjusting! I am still trying to find a routine but the difference in my relations ship now with DD is awesome! (She just turned 3 also!)
Enjoy your time with Mason and Congrats on your new found freedom!
Karen

[Drazil]

I did the same thing after 7 months of going back full time (after 3 months FMLA time) and it was horrible for us as a family. That was a year and a half ago and we could not be happier as a family! The morning stress, GONE, the cleaning on weekends, GONE, my son crying everyday when I left him, GONE, by far the best thing we did for our son and for us. I should have never gone back but I too thought I could have it all (I left a 15 year career as a professional and I had all the health insurance at the time) but I could not do it, I admitted it and did something about it. I had no idea I was going to feel like that and I was miserable for us as a family. Financially it was hard in the beginning (including selling our big house for a much smaller more economical house) but after the first year we are back on track and things are good, our family life is good! You will not regret it and your child will gain so much from it. Enjoy it and congratulations!!!

[Annabell]

Bless your heart. So sorry you were forced out.

I think the idea of tallying up all you'll save is a very good one. I once did that, and when panty hose and suits and parking and gas and occasional lunches out and coffee and restaurant dinners (for when I was too pooped to shop and cook) and much more were all tallied up, the job I was considering just made no fiscal sense. Add daycare into that mix and it would have been a sure money-loser.

Enjoy your time with your little man.

[becky26]

I am sorry because this is not the way you wanted to leave your job. But I am very happy for you and your family that you will be able to really enjoy your son now. I am sure that this is a major change in your life that you will need to get adjusted to. Good luck!
I just learned yesterday that I may be eligible for another year of leave from my teaching job. I couldn't be happier...

[nhook]

Originally Posted by Abdulina

Dixie,

I used to work as well and had 2 in daycare/afterschool care. It was tough. Didn't think we could afford to leave the corporate world but after sitting down w/ pencil to paper, realized that we were actually losing money by me working. Not to mention the strain on our PI kids. I know it is a vERY personal choice for everyone and for soem, there is no alternative. You will learn just how much money you CAN save by staying home. Little things are what add up. Going out to lunch on the job, coffee, parking(I had to pay to park), gas to get there and get home, daycare, business suits, cell phones, etc. I left the stock market world of money and stayed home. You can do the same. Look at ALL expenses by writing every single little thing down. Cut out what you can. We have no cell phones now, no cable or satellite, make all our errands in one shot if we can, etc. Also, I have friends who started a coupon savings program. My good friend went shopping and got $1100 worth of food for $45! That's right, over a thousand dollars worth of food for $45. Now, she teaches other people. You'd be amazed at what people are wasting money on. I used to be that way. I look for nothing but deals now. The most we'll pay for a brand new pair of kids' shoes is $5. I buy everything out of season on supersales. (except for Bojan's special shoes). I get free samples all the time. Today, I get to order a brand new digital scale for FREE. Yep, $40 for free. I never have to buy new razors, lotion, etc. I get all tehs samples for free. You will be amazed at what you can do to save money. To market research focus groups. They are fun and pay cash. I get $75 here and there to go express my opinions for an hour or so. It's fun and easy. Do basic mystery shopping. I only do a little b/c it does not pay. But every once in awhile is fun to go out to eat for free. Toys for the kids...I just got Max a birthday present for next month. A $65 remote control car for $7. It's the little things that you can do to make a huge difference. OUr house is not kept warm in winter. We are comfortable and my children want to run around w/ underwear on so I KNOW they aren't cold. Just turning the thermastat down helps.

I'm telling you all this b/c I know coming from the corporate world just how you are feeling. Like you can't make it w/ the income cut in half. Start w/ pencil to paper. How can you change things? Write it down, review it, and write it down again. This will take awhile but it is so worth it. My friend gives seminars now on how to save money. Many are SAHM that quit their jobs and are learning how to save. Our family's income was cut in half when I left my job. We didn't know what we were going to do. Seriously. We had just bought a new car. (only new car we ever had--LOL). I knew I had to do something. We had two kids to take care of. If you want any suggestions, you can write me privately. May take a day or two to respond. I'm trying to help some families right now w/ adoption. But I will write back.

I want you to know it can be done. I'm living proof. and had someone told me years ago I'd have to cut my income in half and try to survive, I would have said no way possible. Yet, it is. I have many friends that stay at home now due to my one friend starting all this. She's been featured on news programs, does speeches, etc. I didn't believe it at first either till I saw all the receipts first hand.

I wish youall the best Dixie. Whether it is staying at home, finding a part-time job or going back to work somewhere else. Only YOU can decide what is in the best interest of your family.

Good luck,

Those are good ideas but I am an expert at managing money and no matter how we cut it, we would HAVE to move (which is stressful). I live near a city in a very average house with 20 percent down and my DH's salary just barely covers mortgage payment and utilities. That leaves nothing for anything else. We have 10 year old cars and no credit card debt. We hardly spend anything on anything else.

Has anyone else moved to be a stay at home mom???

P.S. I tried to find parttime work after coming home but was only able to find fulltime work. Hundreds of applicants applied for the parttime jobs.

[cindyc]

Let me add my voice of support, Dixie! Yep, you did the right thing. I went back to work when my older children started school, and even then, it was very stressful to juggle kids and job. I think our whole family is happier with me keeping a lid on the home front and not trying to work with a little one in tow.

(P.S. I now save a fortune in wardrobe, parking, gas, and lunches out!)

CindyC

[mycodybear]

Originally Posted by nhook

Has anyone else moved to be a stay at home mom???

We did, but it was before we became parents. When we decided to adopt I knew I wanted to stay home and we wouldn't be able to do it where we were living. So, we moved from VA to FL so we could afford to live on one income and started the adoption process. A couple of months ago, we moved again to NC to be closer to our family in VA. We didn't realize how important this would become until we had our son home and how much the entire family loved him and wanted to spend more time with him.

Dixie- I'm so sorry that your company couldn't have treated you better- it sucks. But it is a blessing in disguise as you're well aware because now you have all this time to spend with your son. Best of luck!

[emjay]

Dixie - sorry to hear how you were treated at your job. Sounds like you are doing the right thing - you have to go with what feels right, and sounds like this is it. It will be difficult, especially at first. But the benefits FAR outweigh the challenges, and the biggest one to benefit will be your son.

[amyfk]

Hi Dixie

Just want to let you know that I understand, I feel for you, and youre not alone. I worked as a part-time librarian for five years( I was there before management even came). I requested a 3 mo. unpaid leave of absence to be home when we came home with my baby from Russia. In the union contract I was able to ask for a leave, but I think they denied it because they didnt want to set a precedent for part-timers taking a leave.
It's very hard, having to choose between work and family. For all those years, I had a job as long as I wanted it, but I suffered because I couldnt have a child. Then I finally get the kid, and my work treats me like dirt.
Some folks say you can have the American dream, but I'm really not so sure that employers are all that understanding about balancing work and family. You would think so, since most employers have kids themselves.
I"m sure you will feel mixed emotions for awhile, but in the end you will realize at this stage that you have a young one at home and you did what you had to do for your family.
Just remember your son is only young once-and work will always be there.
tAke care of yourself,
Amy K, NJ

[JPDakota]

Dixie,
As a Mother, you do what makes sense for your family and you make it work. You're a Mother and you're doing that. That's a good thing.
In our case, I make a little over 3 times what DH makes. No way I can quit. Our goal, though, is for DH to be able to stay home soon. He took FMLA when we adopted. Unfortunately, I had to go to work. My boss, though, got it. He let me work remotely a lot. But 50+ hours, oh yeah, that's expected. Took a new job this fall. My new boss, an adoptive Mom who makes 3 times what her DH makes, she gets it. I also have an elderly Mother (lost Dad a little over a year ago) and she gives me space to care for her too. I am totally lucky. But, dang, I'd like to be home with my baby.
I'm only writing this to say that we all have to decide what's best for our families. But instead of letting your situation decide for you, you're taking the bull by the horns. Good for you.
We have a good friend who decided to work from home. She became a medical transcriptionist. Makes lots of money working from home working the hours that work for her family. Several other friends have gone that route recently. Might be something you want to look into. You have lots of options and you know your priorities. You're a Mother.

[ddahl]

Thank you all so much for the support. Everyone is telling me I should have waited until I was fired to leave. I just could not do that. I have received 2 huge promotions and 4 huge raises over the last 4.5 years and to be fired would only make me feel worse about my decision to go back to work after the adoption. I had to go on my terms.

I actually had to go in and be at work until 11 p.m. last night. When I got home I went straight to Mason's room and he was all tangled in the blankets. I bent down to straighten him out and recover him. He opened his eyes and said "Mom" smiled and went back to sleep. I imagine there will be hard times ahead but as I look at it, the journey is now about Mason. There are options. I just have to stay in the moment which is easy to do when you have a three year old.