[RussianJen]

Originally Posted by britfish

Jen, Could you tell us what it is like for the newborns and infants in the orphanage. How are they cared for (holding, rocking, bottle propping, left in cribs, etc.). We adopted my daughter at 11 mos. and I would love some insight in to her care and environment prior to that. Thanks!

Y'know, I really hope to help out sometime in a baby home, like we do in our orphanage for older kids. A problem, of course, is that I couldn't imagine being IN Russia and not being with my kids!!! We'll see what happens...perhaps that opportunity will open. At any rate, I will answer your question, with the understanding that all I say is not from what I have seen with my own eyes - but what friends who work/volunteer in baby homes and kids who were there (sometimes they'll let an older brother or sister stay longer with their younger sibling, particularly if they're in the adoption process or bio parents are working on getting them back) and were old enough to tell what they know.

As I understand it, baby homes are generally much nicer than orphanages for older kids, because of the adoption factor - they know adopting parents will be coming into their institution often, and therefore the standards are much higher. Babies (define baby? Kids under 3; toddlers to them are 3-5 year olds) are easier to keep from getting into things - they're usually in playpen-like cribs and they sleep 4-8 kids together. According to all the moms I've chatted with, Russians are just now getting used to the diaper idea - usually if a Russian mom has a baby at home, they won't diaper them - only when they have to go out somewhere. they consider it unhealthy. How does that work, you ask? Well, Russians never do really potty train kids. They just 'sense' when the little one will have to go and set them on the potty. Moms in Russia are amazing at this - I was with one lady who guessed it perfectly, every time, with her 6-month old. She would feed him, then about 5 or 6 minutes later, set him on the little pot, and he would do his business, she'd clean him up, then put him down and he'd crawl around and play. We were having tea and chatting happily when she got up about twenty minutes later, picked him up, and put him on the little pot again. He couldn't sit up really by himself, so she just sat there holding him up a bit, and sure enough, he was ready to do his 'number 2' right then and there.

Anyway, that's generally the idea in a baby home as well, only it doesn't usually quite work as well as a mama with her one baby - caretakers are only so intuitive!

Unfortunately, there's a lot of favoritism (as we've already said at length), therefore not necessarily all the kids will get the same amount of attention. Kids learn at a very early age that crying gets you nowhere; therefore they just don't. The eeriest feeling of my life was when I visited a baby home a couple years ago (I was only able to be there for a few hours), and I walked into the bedroom, where over 40 babies were lying in cribs. And there wasn't a sound in the place. No, they weren't all sleeping - actually only a few were. But they didn't even respond to us walking in. They just...laid there. They already knew, sooner or later someone will make it over to you, but crying will probably just make it so you have to wait longer.

Generally they will be underweight and underdeveloped, simply for lack of stimulation and excercize. Generally they won't be mistreated; they just won't get the positive contact they so desperately need. There just aren't enough arms to go around - yes, they should all be walked around and cuddled and have their foreheads kissed - but again, caretakers spend years and years in these places, and they become indifferent to the kids' needs.

I wish I could say differently, but from what I've heard, this is the case. The upside? I know for sure there are baby homes where the director is an awesome person who requires that the kids be given absolutely everything possible. Whereas in most places caretakers will come thru and prop a baby's bottle against the crib, some places require that they hold them to feed them.

I pray one day I'll get a chance to help in a place like these!

-RussianJen <><

[RussianJen]

Originally Posted by pdo

RussianJen-kudos to you for even attempting to learn Russian. It is downright impossible! Anytime a foreigner can manage "spaseeba" or any Russian phrase, it is a sign of tremendous respect. How any teacher, even a hard-boiled Russian disciplinarian, could belittle an hard-working American who pours her heart into Russian orphans, is beyond me. Yeah, I guess I've always been a language-head, LOL. To cure boredom during my middle school summers, my Mom enrolled me in college German and French. In high school I picked up 3 years of Spanish. I still moonlight as Mom's Russian spell-checker.

Thanks, pdo!

Yeah...Russian is tough. It's worth it, though! I was able spend a month working as a Russian/English translator - this was a 24/7 job, translating in a hospital and doctor's visits, physical therapists' instructions, etc. It was tough! But so great. What a privilege to be able to help like that!

I'm not sure what language I'll move on to next; I was thinking Ukrainian. Last year I spent a few months taking German lessons from a retired German teacher in our village - so that was really tough. A native English speaker, learning German, from a Russian who doesn't speak any English!!! (That's how I felt most days)

I wouldn't trade how we learned Russian for anything, though - if I am truly serious about learning another language, I think I'll find some remote place where nobody speaks English (or Russian) and move there for two years.

Now...if I could only write in Russian as well as I can speak.....

-RussianJen <><

[Vicki H]

Jen, I always love hearing your first hand knowledge on orphanages.

I just feel very sad for children of all ages in an orphanage.

I suspect that Alex was favored. We had even been told by one of the caretakers that he was her favorite and she cried when he left.

Alex sat up , crawled, pulled himself up and clapped at 8 months. He also smiled a lot and laughed a lot.
I noticed this with other babies as well, but I also noticed that the children who seemed ill or had special needs were kept separate from the other babies.

There were some that clearly had medical problems and they just sat there or laid there in separate playpens, while Alex and the other healthier babies were in a larger playpen and they were singing to them and playing with toys with the children.

I noticed a baby girl with Downs Syndrome. I mentioned this to the translator and they all looked at me like I was crazy. They said "No that is a drug addicts baby". I said no that she has Down's Syndrome and that she could function in life with proper care and attention. They still argued with me and I just gave up. Clearly they were not going to listen to me.

It's very sad.

[RussianJen]

Hi Vicki,

Y'know, we had the whole argument regarding Downs' syndrome as well. I originally just wanted to know how to say 'Downs' Syndrome' in Russian, but all I got were blank stares when I tried to explain it. At last, someone said 'oh, you mean retarded.' I said no, not exactly! Finally (though I was somewhat ashamed to do this) I showed them a picture of a friends' daughter who has Downs. They said "Oh, yes. A drug kid. THat's because their parents took drugs."

Ignorance is bliss they say, but I don't agree. Anyway, I know and have known some of the most incredible people in the world - they happen to have Downs.

We'll keep fightin' for these kiddos - me on the Russian side, you guys here in the states. Together, we're making a difference!

-RussianJen <><

[Aleea]

I originally just wanted to know how to say 'Downs' Syndrome' in Russian........

I can't get Russian font on my computer but it's pronounced

"bolezn' Dauna"

Which literally translates into Downs illness

[RussianJen]

Spacibo, Aleea! I gotcha - how to say it, that is. Doh - I should have tried that one - it makes sense. I appreciate it!

-Jen <><

[nungesser]

Originally Posted by Aleea

I originally just wanted to know how to say 'Downs' Syndrome' in Russian........

I can't get Russian font on my computer but it's pronounced

"bolezn' Dauna"

Which literally translates into Downs illness

Aleea:

Is it something like this: "Больезн Дауна" or "Больезн Даюна"?

[RussianJen]

Nungesser -

Your first version is correct - only there's a 'softener' (like our lower case b) at the end of the word 'bolezn' - if I'm not mistaken!

-RussianJen <><

[nungesser]

Originally Posted by RussianJen

Nungesser -

Your first version is correct - only there's a 'softener' (like our lower case b) at the end of the word 'bolezn' - if I'm not mistaken!

-RussianJen <><

Like this: "Больезнь Дауна"?

[Annabell]

Hi Jenn --

Could I PM you? DD had a Russian tutor for years, who we think of as family. She's going through a difficult time, and strikes us as very innocent and naiive in the American way. (Her American husband wants to throw her and their 2-year-old out, with a $400 per month stipend).

Big problem: SV does not trust, or listen to, anyone (told to have amnio and ultrasound when preggers, she ignored it all --- labored 6 hours until someone finally decided babe was breach, and she ended up having an emergency C-Sec.)

Now, she's adamant that she is going to accept whatever her husband's lawyer gives her (she's now not working and home with baby).

My DH has registered her as stupidly pig-headed and stubborn and doesn't want to help any more.

I need advice. Is this something in the Russian constitution, or just in her?

[RussianJen]

Annabell,
Of course you can PM me - or e-mail. Please do write - I'll respond asap.

-RussianJen <><

[Annabell]

Thanks so very much. I Pmd you.

[Aleea]

Originally Posted by nungesser

Like this: "Больезнь Дауна"?

I haven't been on in a few days.

It's spelled "Болезнь Дауна"

You were both very close.

[Aleea]

Originally Posted by Annabell

Hi Jenn --

Could I PM you? DD had a Russian tutor for years, who we think of as family. She's going through a difficult time, and strikes us as very innocent and naiive in the American way. (Her American husband wants to throw her and their 2-year-old out, with a $400 per month stipend).

Big problem: SV does not trust, or listen to, anyone (told to have amnio and ultrasound when preggers, she ignored it all --- labored 6 hours until someone finally decided babe was breach, and she ended up having an emergency C-Sec.)

Now, she's adamant that she is going to accept whatever her husband's lawyer gives her (she's now not working and home with baby).

My DH has registered her as stupidly pig-headed and stubborn and doesn't want to help any more.

I need advice. Is this something in the Russian constitution, or just in her?

Annabell,
I don't know about the Russian Constitution, but culturally Russian women are taught to accept whatever sh!t their husbands give them. It's really sad. This has been changing in the post-Soviet years but a lot of old beliefs still remain.
Here's my grandmother's and mother's speech on marriage
"Remember not to be too choosy and make sure that your man is always happy. Remember he can always find another woman but it's not so easy for a woman to find another man."
My mom nearly had a heart attack when she saw dh doing laundry. She was sure he would leave me.

I think this is b/c Russia went through 2 major wars in a short period of time and a huge number of Russian men were killed. Therefore the women outnumbered the men and there was "competition" for a husband.

[RBSVARCHER]

There was one more question I have for you......

What does the orphanage worker(s) do for their specific group of children? Are they responsible for the upkeep of the room such as mopping and general cleaning as well as care and feeding of their children....pottying and such? What are their job duties?

Also, do the children brush their teeth? One great thing about DS is his baby teeth are in great shape. Do you have any ideas?

Susan