[BlissMom]

I have been seeing a recurring theme of Mom's heartbroken about taking their kids to daycare.

I know that this could potentially be a heated topic so let me clearly state that this is intended only for those moms who are currently working and WANT to stay home with their child but feel like they can't.

I am a big planner and it didn't make 'sense' for me to stay home financially but with us it was non-negotiable that I would stay home and be a full time mother to our daughter..even though my husband is a teacher (i.e. makes very little!).

**I was wondering about the rest of you SAHMs...did you have it all planned out financially before the baby was home or did you just take the leap and do it?**

(Again this is in no way meant to be offensive to working mom's, my heart just goes out to those who feel 'stuck' at work!!)

[Ktates]

I just recently became a SAHM (like in September)...we had originally planned for me to do part time because I had benefits and dh was self employed...things didn't work out like we planned and I'll spare you the details...but basically work (I was working fulltime) overtook my life and I didn't get to see my child several days a week (except while she slept)...I finally quit because I was about to end up having a nervous breakdown...so pretty much we just took the leap...I may have to do part time soon but both dh and I have decided we will try to do whatever we can to make this work and for me to stay home full time...I have to say, as hard in some ways as it is to be home, I wouldn't trade this time with my daughter for anything..I will be very hard pressed to go back...and I didn't expect to feel this way...

ETA...part of it too wasn't just missing my child, but I had a really hard time juggling work, mom, wife and me...so I definitely felt trapped at work for a long time...but like I said it finally came to a point where I couldn't handle it anymore...

[marymartha]

We planned from the beginning of our marriage for me to be a stay at home mom. It was nine years before we were blessed with our little one. I worked full time most of that time and we never lived off that income. We always made do on DH income and mine was like an added bonus. Because we were willing to make do on so little for such a long time (there was a streach where I was making almost twice what he was) we were able to become very financially secure at a young age. The money from my job went straight into a savings account. We lived, very meagerly for a while, on DH income. We didn't take vacations, live in a big house, or do any of those things unless we could pay cash for them. We carry no debt, including no mortgage, car payments etc... That is how we do it, we live simply, but very very well at this point because of some early planning in our marriage. And no, my husband does not make a lot of money. He is enlisted in the army.

[randloar]

We don't have our kids home yet, but if I can join in from a hypothetical standpoint.......

Since neither DH or I are big planners (I have a little of it in me, but not all that much!), our 'plan' is to see what the kids need, and act accordingly.....we have a non-plan-plan in place. If they need home time, then I don't work OR if they want to be around other kids for a balance, then I work part time......(thats all we have for our plan at this point!!)

Being in the 'not-really-knowing' position, I would guess, if we decide that I stay home, we will simply make due (long winded way of saying we don't have a plan, and aren't making one!!). DH recently graduated with his MS, after waiting for me to get through school, so really, this is our first year ever having two incomes. So, we havne't actually gotten used to having 'extra' income, so I think we could make things work again on one (I know, there are lots of added expenses, but...). LIke marymartha said, we live simply now, so could keep heading that route!

Cheers!

[Aphi86]

We own our own business and it was planned that I would quit and we would hire someone to take my place. But, it was still a big leap! When DD was born 8 1/2 yrs ago, I was teaching and we too made the leap for me to stay home. You know, God has been good to us and things at work took off after we got home from Russia, so it has been easy (no guilt!)

[nhook]

I SO feel your struggle.

I primarily stayed at home the 1st year with son, doing parttime contract jobs.

I was offered a very good fulltime job this summer and I had such a difficult time making the decision. I took the job mainly because our son was going into preschool, desired to be around other children and because we want to adopt again and have no way of coming up with the money without me working.

My DH is in the process of changing careers and we have talked about adopting again and then allowing me to stay home. I would love to do that if I could.

[Drazil]

We did not plan it and we ended up just taking the leap. I was home on FMLA for 3 months and then went back to work full time. It was a mistake, I was miserable, my son was miserable and my husband was beside himself trying to figure out what to do to fix it. We decided to make some major lifestyle changes and after 7 months back at work I left my career (hard decision also because I carried all of the insurance as well as a good salary) and have been home well over a year and would not change a thing since being home. Its hard to get that routine and balance after working most of your life but once you transition and make the applicable changes to your lifestyle it all works out. We just went ahead and did it because if we had kept thinking about it and trying to figure things out in their present state at the time I would still be working! The time with my child is priceless and there is no amount of money or any material thing that matches it right now.

[Chris3148]

We planned that if we adopted one that I would go back to work after a 3 month leave. I was a teacher, so my hours were pretty good. If we adopted two, I would stay at home.

Well, we adopted two and I have been home with them for 8 months. The first three months were easy because I still had my salary coming in. The next two were TIGHT, but we moved some money around and I am clearing out the basement and closets on e-bay (LOL) and now things are back to normal. We have planned that I would stay at home until at least next school year (August 2007), but I may stay home until the little one is in Kindergarten if we can swing it.

[jaenelle]

We brought Yuna home on a Saturday, and on Monday (yes, two days later) I was back at work and school.

DH was able to stay home for a few weeks but he went back to work Sunday. She will go to daycare 3-4 days a week starting next week.

Do I feel guilty? No. Do I think it makes me any less of a good mom to her because I work and go to school? No. DH and I just don't make enough money for one of us to stay home -- plain and simple.

Everyone always says things like, "No offense to working moms..." but there's always that underlying tone of pity and condescension from most stay at home moms.

I'm glad I work. I have a good job where I contribute to my community, and I'm glad I go to school. I'm bettering myself by doing that. And I don't think I'm harming Yuna either.

[nhook]

Originally Posted by jaenelle

We brought Yuna home on a Saturday, and on Monday (yes, two days later) I was back at work and school.

DH was able to stay home for a few weeks but he went back to work Sunday. She will go to daycare 3-4 days a week starting next week.

Do I feel guilty? No. Do I think it makes me any less of a good mom to her because I work and go to school? No. DH and I just don't make enough money for one of us to stay home -- plain and simple.

Everyone always says things like, "No offense to working moms..." but there's always that underlying tone of pity and condescension from most stay at home moms.

I'm glad I work. I have a good job where I contribute to my community, and I'm glad I go to school. I'm bettering myself by doing that. And I don't think I'm harming Yuna either.

I know what you mean. Sometimes people think we have uncontrollable spending, but we are the most frugal people our friends know. To have an average house in our city, costs what we paid. We have no credit card debt, no student loans and no car payments. We just cannot pay for mortgage, gas, and groceries on what we make. I feel like my child is such a social person and the 2 day a week daycare is something he looks forward to.

[his,mine&ours]

DH and I made equal salaries, so it was a tough decision to go to 50% of our income. We moved to a less expensive house, but other than that, we just bit the bullet and did it. I can tell you that I am not good (yet) at being out of the working world, after 17 years of corporate life. My bio kids are in school all day, and I don't feel very productive. But, for us, it is the right decision, and I can't wait to have the little one home.

[erickk]

I posted this same thing back awhile ago and we have been working on me being a SAHM. I have all the benefits with my job so DH needs to transfer that to him. He quit his job about 3 1/2 monhts ago to stay home to take care of our youngest DS and look for a new job with benefits. We are right in the middle of interviews and he may have found one...in another state...with full benefits. If it works out I will be thrilled. I do a direct sales thing that will supplement our income so if DH gets the job we decided to move. For us, we have lots of things going on with both our sons--both have pretty serious attachment disorder and while being a SAHM was what we started out trying to do we wound up changing our reasons a tad--still wanted me to be a SAHM but it became a necessity so we went full force in trying to locate jobs for DH, regardless of location.

We hope he gets the job he has been interviewing for. I have already checked out the schools, found 2 attachment therapists (and talked to one--and she knows the other one) and checked out real estate and cost of living. We both said--this does not mean we have to live here forever. If we don't like it and the kids are securely attached we can move back.

Also for me, I really do not like my job at all. I was moved into it last year due to budget cuts. I think that also helped prod things along. I will feel no loss if/when I leave my job--the people I work with--I will miss.

Good luck. We have not tried it yet--well we have sort of--just have a SAHD instead and it has been working out OK.

[kimber413]

I just recently became a SAHM, too, after DD was home nearly 2 years. I made 2/3 of our income, so it was a HUGE leap for us. We actually relocated to another state so this could happen, and also so I could eventually change careers and become a science teacher. I have to say, though, DD really misses the interaction with other kids that she had at daycare. So much so that after the holidays I'm going to look into putting her into daycare for a couple of days a week so she can socialize and make new friends.

It's been great, although at times I actually miss not going to work and having my own social interaction. I've been thinking about finding a part-time job on the days DD is in daycare.

[tigger44]

I would LOVE to be a full-time mother, but DH doesn't make enough to cover the mortgage, medical insurance, and utilities. We don't carry much debt, but cost of living in my area is rediculous!

However, I do work from home full time, although it is very difficult. The house is never clean, and I hardly get the bills paid on time, but at least I am home with DD all day. She NEEDED me to stay home with her, and she still does. I'm very thankful my employer has allowed me to work from home, and hope it stays this way for a while. I'm looking into some business opportunities that I can operate from home as well, for the future.

Good luck!